Calling Your Bluff

It started off innocently enough: my daughter Kayla and I were enjoying some quality daughter-father time when I noticed that she had left her Disney Princess Snakes and Ladders game (and all its pieces) scattered on the floor near my bed.  I noticed because I stepped on one of the pieces (I think it was Snow White) and it felt like she went right through my left foot.

“Kayla,” I exclaimed, “put your toys away or I’ll throw them in the garbage!”

“Go ahead!”

I was quite surprised at her reaction; this was one of her favourite toys!  But instead of following up on my threat, I explained to her that she needed to clean it up both from a tidiness and safety perspective.  Thankfully she obliged.

I shared the incident with others and most of them called me out as a wimp (in the most loving way). Parents, friends, and family willingly shared stories from their past and encouraged me to exhibit some tough love.

All because my 6 year-old daughter called my bluff.

Which got me thinking...how many times do we use bluffs in youth ministry?  And what happens when young people actually call us out on them?

I’ve written numerous times on the importance of relational ministry and how we must earn the right to be heard: young people won’t care how much we know until they know how much we care.  It goes without saying that the two best ways to build and strengthen relationships with young people are to talk with them and to hang out with them.

Like any relationship, there will be ups and downs...but for the sake of the relationship we persist.  We encourage. We inspire.  We affirm.  We challenge.  And sometimes...we bluff...even with good intentions.

My exchange with Kayla from earlier in this week reminded me of the importance of being truthful and of following-up.  Thus:

• When you tell a teen you are going to pray for her...you better pray for her.
• When you promise a reward to a teen...you better end up giving it to him.
• When you tell a teen you don’t know the answer to her question...you better find it and relay it back to her.
• When you threaten a teen with a consequence...you better administer it if you desire a change.
• When you tell a teen that you’ll go to his basketball game or school concert...you better be there.

All young people want from us is to be real.  To be genuine.  To be authentic.

That’s how we go “all in” with young people. The stakes are simply too high not to.

Clayton Imoo is husband to Gail and father to sons Sean Isaiah and Jacob Isaac and daughter Kayla Marie.  He has served as the Director of the Office of Youth and Young Adult Ministry of the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Vancouver for the past ten years, helping parishes develop their own youth and young adult ministries.  When not doing ministry, Clay enjoys spending time with his family, playing music, playing sports, playing naptime, and writing blogs on topics such as family, faith, and the Vancouver Canucks.  Learn more about him at http://www.claytonimoo.com or follow him @claytonimoo 

On Sheep, or Why We Need Boundaries in Youth Ministry

For lack of discipline they will die, led astray by their own great folly (Proverbs 5:23 NIV).

First, check out the following video of sheep on a cliff (warning: the video contains brief language)

Did you see all the green grass on that hill? Tons of it! Yet where do the sheep decide to head? Straight for the dangerous cliff with a scarce amount of grass. But that grass looked gooooood. There's nothing to stop the sheep from heading to that tiny patch of green in the midst of the sharp rocks (apart from common sense). They are free to choose, and they inevitably choose self-destruction.

Sheep are foolish. Scripture often refers to human beings as sheep, and it's not a kind metaphor. Sheep ignore the surrounding pastures and choose to pursue false ideals, ultimately leading to self-destruction. When they experience the natural consequences of ignoring green pastures, they are quite surprised that this could happen to them.

If we in youth ministry are called to be shepherds of God's flock, then we need to guide and protect our flock, both from internal and external dangers. We need to offer healthy boundaries, guidelines, and exhortations so that our flock may run in freedom and safety without the danger of self-destruction or leading others away.

We need boundaries. You know what would have helped that sheep on the cliff? A fence. 

Now, I don't know too many people who are fond of rules. No one is requesting, "could I please have some more rules and restrictions in my life?" Christianity has never been about rules; it's about grace and faith and love and relationships. Yet there are still disciplines and boundaries that Christ has called us to obey, commands He has given in order to lead us towards life and away from death. This is why a community of fellow sheep holding each other accountable to the beautiful truths of Scripture is necessary. With our wandering, we need some fences in our lives to limit our self-destructing ability to jump off the cliff. Setting healthy boundaries for ourselves and our students can lead them closer to life and away from the temptation towards destruction.

If I'm honest with myself, I have sheep-like tendencies. We all do. We wander. We go with the crowd. We stray near the edge of spiritual and moral cliffs. Thankfully, we have a Good Shepherd who graciously guides us into greener pastures and gives us clear boundaries and disciplines.

What boundaries are you setting for the young people in your life? What boundaries do you have for yourself in order to keep yourself from wandering off a cliff?

Joel Mayward is a pastor, writer, husband, and father living in Langley, British Columbia. He’s been serving in youth ministry since 2003, and is currently the Pastor of Youth and Young Adult Ministries at North Langley Community Church. A writer for numerous youth ministry publications and author of Leading Up: Finding Influence in the Church Beyond Role and Experience, Joel writes about youth ministry, film, theology, and leadership at his blog, joelmayward.blogspot.ca.

When Routine is a Good Thing

At my recent stay with my family at the Great Wolf Lodge indoor waterpark in Grand Mound, WA, I was quite fascinated by the lifeguards.  They were extremely disciplined in their approach, almost robotic.  They would scan the giant wave pool width-wise then length-wise, shooting their eyes across the pool and then down alongside the near wall.  Often, they would use their hand to point at what they were looking at and their necks were always moving from side to side. 

Admittedly, I was slightly amused at the first lifeguard I observed.  Her movement seemed unnatural and forced.  In chatting with a few of the lifeguards throughout my three days there (and watching the Great Wolf Lodge episode of Undercover Boss...haha) I gained a greater appreciation for their disciplined routine and of course, their important role overall.

Much like lifeguards, we youth ministers are in the business of saving lives as well. While we may not have to jump into a pool or ocean (although it’s very possible), we’ll certainly be called on to help a young person who is drowning spiritually.

Here are 3 ways to build routine into our youth ministry:

1.  Have regularly scheduled gatherings.  Whether it’s weekly, bi-weekly, monthly or whatever; it’s important that there is some sort of rhyme and reason to your youth ministry schedule.  It will be easier for the youth to build your youth gatherings into their already hyper-busy and over-scheduled lives.  Parents will also appreciate the regularity so they can plan ahead with their children.  Of course, a good youth ministry will also add one-off and non-regular events for variety; this combo is the best approach.  But without a regular routine of gathering, it will be more difficult to get young people to commit to coming regardless of how good the event is.

2.  Be consistent with your availability.  When it comes to relational ministry, be routine in the times you are available to young people.  While we might say to a teen that he can “call us anytime”, it’s also important that we set parameters (whether we announce them or not).  With my primary vocation being husband and father, I’m always trying to separate family time from ministry time although I recognize that they sometimes inevitably overlap.  I work hard to schedule relational ministry time in to my own busy schedule, yet not cheat my family of my time with them.  It’s hard, but I’m slowly learning that I don’t have to pick up every single phone call or return every text message within seconds of receiving it.

3.  Set-up and clean-up.   Back to our gatherings for this one. Routines can be extremely helpful when it comes to the before and after portions of our gatherings.  When members of the leadership team know what has to be done and by whom and by when, it makes things go much faster.  That doesn’t mean that we make a certain person do a certain job week after week after week; after all we want avoid the rut of repetition.  But it does mean being strategic in deciding who does what so things go smoothly.  After the regular weekly youth gathering at my home parish, the youth workers always do their best to spend a few minutes with teens as they are waiting for their rides... before they start to clean up. This is prime relational ministry time!  Once the teens are gone, the leaders then go into their clean-up routine.  After all, many hands make light work.

Going forward, consider how much “routine” you are using in your youth ministry.  This consistency and discipline will certainly make a splash in the lives of young people...and might even save a life or two.

Clayton Imoo is husband to Gail and father to sons Sean Isaiah and Jacob Isaac and daughter Kayla Marie.  He has served as the Director of the Office of Youth and Young Adult Ministry of the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Vancouver for the past ten years, helping parishes develop their own youth and young adult ministries.  When not doing ministry, Clay enjoys spending time with his family, playing music, playing sports, playing naptime, and writing blogs on topics such as family, faith, and the Vancouver Canucks.  Learn more about him at http://www.claytonimoo.com or follow him @claytonimoo