The best book on leadership I've read in the past five years is Edwin Friedman's A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix. The biggest concept I learned from Friedman is the concept of self-differentiation. Friedman describes differentiation as "the capacity to be one's own integrated aggregate-of-cells person while still belonging to, or being able to relate to, a larger colony."
Check out this 6-minute video about self-differentiation before reading further.
So why does self-differentiation matter in youth ministry and church leadership?
Because we're part of the Body of Christ.
We're cells in the body, using our unique gifts and strengths in order to grow and thrive as we realize our innate identity in Christ. There are also plenty of "viruses" and "emotional triangles" in the local church. Self-differentiated leaders can withstand the anxiety and dysfunction of these viruses and emotional triangles, choosing to love and offer patience and grace. By simply being a patient and gracious person, this begins the slow process of moving from a culture of fear and anxiety to truth and love.
It's learning to love our neighbour as we love ourselves. If we don't view and love ourselves just as Christ views and loves us, we are incapable of leading and loving others in His name.
It's leadership from who you are, not by what you do. Embrace your identity as Christ's beloved.
Joel Mayward is a pastor, writer, husband, and father living in Langley, British Columbia. He is the author of Leading Up: Finding Influence in the Church Beyond Role and Experience. Joel loves youth ministry, movies, the church, and theology, and he writes about all of it at his blog.
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