Talking About Sexual Abuse - Creating A Different Response

Talking about sexual abuse can be hard; it is often a very awkward and clumsy conversation to have. There are teens in our care looking to have that “awkward conversation” but for them its more than awkward, its terrifying. There are so many teens carrying around huge secrets looking for someone safe to tell. Are you that safe person? Ask yourself these basic questions:

1.     Am I available? When spending time with youth are you aware of what is really going on or are you too caught up in dodge ball? Whether you are doing bible study or doing some crazy activity be aware of what is going on with your youth and look for opportunities to connect on a deeper level.

2.     Do I know when to be serious? We all know people that we love to be around but would never share anything personal with.  If we want to be a safe person for a teen in trouble we need to learn the balance of joking around and talking about the serious stuff.

3.     Are you worried about the paperwork a disclosure of sexual abuse will cause? When a teen discloses abuse its can be messy to work through especially when local authorities need to be involved. Be assured that the mess of initially dealing with a disclosure is worth it in the end even if that teen doesn’t realize it till later on.

4.     Have I passed the test? Teens often test before they disclose sexual abuse, they will share a smaller challenge in their life e.g. telling you their older brother is really mean or they are sad because their dog died. Teens will gauge your response and then decide if you are safe to confide in.

Statistics estimate that 1 in 3 girls are being sexual abused. That’s not 1 in 3 girls in other youth groups that is 1 in 3 in YOUR youth group. For too long sexual abuse has been an issue that society is ashamed to talk about. This has to end! I am not suggesting that we go looking for teens who we think may have been abused then force them to tell us but this is what I am saying: It is crucial that we are available and willing to have these difficult conversations and it is crucial that we communicate that clearly with our youth.

Here is one project that has been helping people to communicate that they are a safe person to talk to about sexual abuse.

Creating A Different Response Campaign

Hope for Her International has started an online campaign to help communities talk about sexual abuse. Too often when people who have been experienced sexual violence finally tell someone they are met with messages of disbelief, shame and ignorance; too many victims are shamed, blamed or not believed. If we want to end sexual violence this needs to change, we need a different community response.

Teens are always on Facebook and they seem to love taking pictures of themselves! Why not take part in this project as a youth group or as church. It’s a great way to talk about the issue while sending a clear message to those people wondering, “Is it safe to tell?”

If someone you cared about was sexually violated, what would be one thing you would want to tell him or her?

1. Take a picture of yourself holding a message answering the question: If someone you cared about was sexually violated, what would be one thing you would want to tell him or her?

2. Post it on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter and tag it #hopeforherinternational and #creatingadifferentresponse so we can track the messages. Then nominate some friends to do the same. For more information on Hope for Her International go to www.hopeforherblog.wordpress.com/about

Jane Galbreath

 Jane is a theology graduate and social work student, living in Saskatchewan. She spends her summers leading international youth mission teams. She is passionate about empowering young women to serve God particularly young women struggling with trauma and mental health issues. Jane has been a victim of sexual violence so she knows the heartache, shame, strength and courage it takes to face being a victim. Jane is a blogger and advocate for other females who have been victims of sexual violence because she knows that it is possible to not only survive but to come out the other side strong. After many years of healing Jane comes to you from that place! For more information and to visit Jane’s blog click here http://hopeforherblog.wordpress.com/about/

The Female Stare Also Known As The Scan

I know it’s tough for anyone to attend an event on his or her own but it is worst for that new girl who is visiting your youth ministry for the first time. This is why.

New girl enters stage right. The guys are standing center stage checking out girl, but for very different reasons. Guys will check out specific body parts such as boobs, butts and legs. Of course this is a generalization but there is truth in this. Stage Left there are three girls in your youth group huddled together discussing a youtube video they just watched. They then notice the new girl who entered stage right. What do they do? Check her out of course, but not like the guys, no the new girl will get the full body scan! It feels like you are going through security at an airport its thorough. After the female stare those girls in your youth group will know whether or not the new girl’s shoes match her belt, if there is a string hanging from the back of her skirt, if she is using some cheap mascara or Cover Girls Clump Crusher LashBlast!

I’m not even joking!  Females of all ages do it. If you are a female YOU’VE DONE IT & YOU’VE EXPERIENCED the wrath of the dreaded stare where females look each other up and down.

Why Do Girls Do That? 

Girls size each other up to see whether or not they measure up.

Girls are looking for the ‘chink in one’s armour’ searching for another’s flaws and vulnerabilities. These females are hyper aware of their own weaknesses which is the reason why they can easily look for it in others. It helps them feel better about themselves if they can find weaknesses in another. Girls size each other up to see whether or not they measure up. They compare themselves with each other, which is the main reasons why girls have a tough time getting along with one another. Many girls don’t realize that they are scanning their friends each day looking for flaws. Some girls will see the flaws while others see flawlessness, either way both of those views will reflect back on a girl being aware of her own weaknesses.

What Can You Do?

What is at the core of this problem? Females have a hard time seeing and knowing that they are wonderfully made. Girls need to spend more time identifying their strengths rather than their weaknesses. Help them see their beauty. This is where the full body scan someone can actually come in handy and be used for good. Have each girl write their name down on a cue card or a piece of paper and tape it to their back. Have the girls write down the beauty & strengths of the girl whose card they are looking at. This will help girls begin to see the beauty that others can see that they cannot, plus it is a great exercise that helps girl’s practice identifying and looking for the strength & beauty in others rather than their flaws.

The Founder of the Young Woman of Power (YWOP) Conference, Alison develops programs that are designed to build girls confidence such as the YWOP PivotFWD workshop which she delivers in Calgary’s Youth Judicial System. Alison’s heart for young women is to see the statistics of violence against women decrease and to see females become counter culture/culturally dangerous by growing in true confidence. For more info or to book Alison as a speaker visit www.ywop.ca