You Failed ... Well Done!

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." ~Thomas Edison

Each summer, I'll spent an afternoon down on the beach with my son watching a local Skim Boarding competition (think a cross between skateboarding and surfing in one or two inches of water). It's always  incredible to see the athleticism in those taking part, and the tricks that they are able to pull off! The other bit that makes this competition great are some of the spills these guys take ... check out a couple of pictures I've taken:

Ouch!  These guys failed at the tricks they were attempting to pull off and the result was painful. Yet, despite the failure, the next moment they are "walking it off" and heading back to the line-up of competitors waiting for their next attempt at nailing it. Incredible!

I've been reading and thinking a bunch on the topic of failure. It's something that we all do from time to time (and some of us are better at it than others), but I've discovered that there is a proper way to fail ... it's actually something that you can get good at!! But don't tell anyone you are training to be a "good" failure, because people don't want to talk about it.

Here's what Mike Foster (founder of People of the Second Chance) said in a recent article he wrote on the subject:

We are not OK with failure. I’ve never seen a CEO’s bio proclaiming the projects that went belly up. I won’t log onto your website today and hear about your underperforming men’s ministries or how last weekend’s services were completely average. I often tease a pastor friend of mine that I’ve never seen a Tweet that doesn’t describe every event at his church as “AMAZING!!!”

It's true, failure may not be something we're proud of (unless there is a book-deal in it) but it is something that can provide a doorway to success. When I say that we can learn to fail well, I simply mean that we can see every failure as a chance to learn and come back stronger than before.

Here are a few truths about failure you'll need to know to turn it into a success (eventually):

• If you are going to fail (or succeed), RISK is a necessary ingredient ... if you don't attempt it, you'll not achieve either of them
• When you fail you learn WHAT NOT TO DO next time ... that type of information is invaluable
• Failure can lead to time out from a task (due to injury, penalty, or opportunity) ... use this priceless time to REFLECT and PLAN for the next attempt
• Failure is generally due to either a single event done incorrectly, or a series of events that caused problems ... if you can ISOLATE AND CHANGE you'll be a step closer to nailing it
• Someone else has always failed bigger and better than you, so find them a LEARN FROM THOSE WHO WENT BEFORE

So go fail ... it could be the biggest step toward success you've ever made ... look what happened for this guy!

Successes and Laments in Youth Ministry: Parents aren’t the enemy.

When I first started youth ministry I admit my thought process around parents and their role in the group was unjustly poisoned by a few negative stories.  I heard tales of overbearing parents who questioned a youth leaders every decision, helicopter parents that never let their kids out of reach, or the parent who was never there for their children at all, and on and on.  After reflecting over the last six years I have to admit that I let a few bad stories from veteran youth workers negatively affect my perception of the parent and their role in Youth Ministry.  It took me many years to realize that this was wrong and I’ll give you some advice for free today in the hope that you don’t make the same mistakes.  Simply put parents are not the enemy of the youth worker; yes you will more than likely run into a difficult situation here and there.  That will almost be unavoidable as you insert yourself in the lives of youth.  If you are having issues dealing with parents and don’t know where to start here are three tips that I think are valuable and something I wish I had done much earlier in my ministry.

1.  Schedule a regular parent night – Every week we do at least one if not two things for the kids that attend your group.  Make it a priority to schedule a night where you can get all the parents together and just go for coffee.  Let them talk about what is on their minds; you never know what might happen.
2. Talk to the parents one on one – This may sound obvious and simple, but it is simply something I didn’t do.  Sure I would have quick conversations with them when kids were picked up or dropped off, but I rarely went out of my way to share my heart with them.  Then I would wonder why sometimes the parents make decisions which seem to completely go against my heart for the youth. (big fail there)
3. “I wish my ______ would know this” – I did an exercise once where I had all the youth anonymously write down on a piece of paper what they wish their parent would know.  I then reversed the roles and had the parents do the same for their children.  It wasn’t amazingly ground breaking, but it gave each a brief window in the heads of the other person that might have not happened otherwise.  Give this exercise a try and see if it doesn’t help ease some tension.

In the end parents generally want what is best for their kid, and if your heart is in youth ministry so do you.  Trying to find common grounds with the parents to help open discussion around the difficult topics that kids are facing is important and something that should be a priority for you.  If you have been failing in this area, why is it that you are falling short?  If you are doing awesome this area what are some other tips you can give to those of us that aren’t?

For good measure I've added a poster you should probably put up in your youth room.

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Ryan Filsinger is a husband, father, hockey lover, video game producer and aspiring social architect.  He has been in part time youth ministry for the last 6 years in Charlottetown, PEI.  You can find him on twitter @rfilsinger or read his rarely updated blog at www.filsinger.org

Hello World.

My name is Ryan Filsinger and I am the newest contributing writer to the Canadian Youth Ministry team.  My quick bio is that I am a Husband, Father, hockey lover, and Video Game Producer. I am also the former Youth Director at Sherwood Church of the Nazarene, a cell based congregation.  The end of this school year will mark my sixth and final year in weekly youth ministry.  I am stepping down amicably from the position and was able to find the perfect replacement.  With 6 years of youth ministry has come the opportunity to experience many different things.  I feel with this exit it will allow me to concentrate on a few dreams that I have been neglecting due to my busy schedule.  Part of the next phase of my life is going to writing more and that is where Canadian Youth Worker comes into play.  Even though my weekly involvement has diminished, I feel God still has a place for me in helping fellow youth workers, especially when it comes to big picture stuff.  I’ll be using my weekly posting for the next while going over small topics in youth ministry that covers things I feel were successful, and also areas where I completely failed.  My hope is that you as the reader will take a chance to learn from my triumphs and mistakes to strengthen your ministry.  

My day job for the last 4 years has been in the video game industry.  This has placed me in a unique situation where I have been able to keep up with all the major technological changes as part of my job.  This has allowed me to stay on top of most trends in youth culture as they are now fully intertwined into the world of technology and the internet.  From time to time I’ll also contribute my thoughts on technology, video games, youth culture and how I believe all things can exist together without compromising values or spiritual discipline.

I am really looking forward to being a part of the team here, and if there is ever anything you’d like me to answer/discuss about anything I write please do not hesitate to contact me.  You can find me on twitter most of the time @rfilsinger generally chatting nonsense and observations.  Make sure to come back next week where I’ll be posting a piece currently titled “Successes and Laments in Youth Ministry: Parents aren’t the enemy.”