Stress Point: Thriving Through Your Twenties in a Decade of Drama

Every so often, we will welcome a ‘friend of Ellen’ to offer one of their own picks! Today my friend and colleague, Paola, offers up her thoughts on “Stress Point” by Sarah Martin!

Paola says...

Being a 20-something female, I’ve noticed a gap in the Canadian Christian marketplace surrounding available resources for young adults. There are so many great resources out there for teens and ladies, but there isn’t much out there for young adults. In response to this gap, Sarah Francis Martin has come out with Stress Point. In the Stress Point study, Sarah discusses ten “stress points” for the 20-something woman and encourages both an internal dialogue through journaling exercises and group discussion by providing thought-provoking questions.

Sarah’s blog also acts as a place for online dialogue and mentoring between her readers. Her online summer Bible study, run through her blog, is a unique opportunity for young women to work through Stress Point together while Sarah guides the discussion and answers their questions. I really feel that it is a great space for young women, like myself, to come together, learn and encourage each other.

Note: We are featuring an interactive blog series of Q & A’s with Sarah on our website, and you could win one of five copies of Stress Point. Be sure to check it out!

About the resource...

Stress Point

Sarah Francis Martin

Paperback • Thomas Nelson • 9781418550790

Want to ditch the drama and thrive through your twenties?

Body image. Friendships. Career. Money. Dating. All these issues and more serve as points of stress for the 20-something woman, and combined they can make for a decade of drama in a girl's life. Sarah Francis Martin is the slightly older girlfriend who’s been there, done that, and got the not-so-cute t-shirt. Through this interactive Bible study, Sarah helps young adult women address each stress point by encouraging them to wait on the Lord, worship Him, and make Him the focus of their lives.

In Stress Point you will:

• Find interactive chapters covering ten stress points for the 20-something woman
• Dig through Scripture to apply truth to each stress point
• Engage with real, raw, and relevant stories from girlfriends just like you
• Journal through each chapter to engage with God in a meaningful way
• Interact with Sarah through her video blogs for each chapter
• Connect with your girlfriends in a Stress Point Survival Group; leader guide included

Sarah Francis Martin has a passion to encourage and relate to women in their twenties, and is honored to do so through She Seeks, the 20-something ministry of Proverbs 31. Her relevant and conversational style will lead young adult readers to live out the Kingship of Christ in everyday life in order to find godly success, purpose, and well-being. Obsessed with pink lip gloss and all things artsy-crafty, Sarah lives with her husband and son in North Carolina. Her ministry, LIVE IT OUT!, is a space for 20-somethings to connect with one another and grow closer to Jesus.

An excerpt...

 See below for more resources:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCJa8NahTLI&feature=related

http://liveitoutblog.com/

http://liveitoutblog.com/stress-point-online-summer-bible-study/

http://liveitoutblog.com/ministry-information/

Born and raised on Vancouver Island, Ellen Graf-Martin now lives in the heart of Ontario’s Mennonite country with her husband Dan, where she continues to work in publishing and ministry.Learn more about her work at www.grafmartin.com

Don't forget the little ones

One of my major mistakes in Youth Ministry was forgetting the little ones.  For the most part a majority of my time was spent with kids aged 12-18+.  It was my “job” title as a Youth Director to spend time with “Youth”.  In my head that meant that I didn’t see the kids until they were 12 and sometimes older depending on the circumstances.   This created a disparity between the kids who were coming up and the ones that I had already established relationships with.

At our church we have a strong children’s ministry that can see upwards of 50 kids on a Sunday morning.  Not once in 6 years did I darken the door of the kids main ministry center and left getting to know them to when they finally made the trek “upstairs” on a Friday night.   If I were to go back and do it again I would make sure to integrate myself more into the kids’ lives at a younger age.  I don’t think it was something that needed to occur on a weekly basis, but getting to know the kids at younger age would have taken things much farther much quicker.

Youth ministry is all about relationship, and relationship takes a lot of work.  By spending a small amount of time with kids who are going to be in your ministry in a year or two, I believe you can accelerate the relationship building which will then allow you to speak into their lives at a much younger age.  Don’t make the same mistake I did and forget the younger ones. 

A couple quick tips:

1. Talk to the Parents – I’ve already wrote an entire blog on this, but talk to the parents of the kid who is coming up to youth in the next couple years.  See where they are at, and how they are dealing with a soon to be teenager.  
2. Spend Time with the Kids – Take a few moments every couple months to just talk with the kids who are in that 10 to 11 age bracket.  They’ll probably surprise you with how they see the world.
3. Work on integration – Growing into adolescence is a hard enough time for a kid without the added pressure of moving into a new group of people.  Make sure you spend some time researching and preparing the transition period for youngest of your group.

Integrating new kids into your ministry can be a difficult process for some.  If you have a healthy kid’s ministry behind you, it is something that will happen every year.  Make sure you develop a plan to work with whoever is charge of the kids and do what you can to help ease the transition between the two different environments.

Successes and Laments in Youth Ministry: Parents aren’t the enemy.

When I first started youth ministry I admit my thought process around parents and their role in the group was unjustly poisoned by a few negative stories.  I heard tales of overbearing parents who questioned a youth leaders every decision, helicopter parents that never let their kids out of reach, or the parent who was never there for their children at all, and on and on.  After reflecting over the last six years I have to admit that I let a few bad stories from veteran youth workers negatively affect my perception of the parent and their role in Youth Ministry.  It took me many years to realize that this was wrong and I’ll give you some advice for free today in the hope that you don’t make the same mistakes.  Simply put parents are not the enemy of the youth worker; yes you will more than likely run into a difficult situation here and there.  That will almost be unavoidable as you insert yourself in the lives of youth.  If you are having issues dealing with parents and don’t know where to start here are three tips that I think are valuable and something I wish I had done much earlier in my ministry.

1.  Schedule a regular parent night – Every week we do at least one if not two things for the kids that attend your group.  Make it a priority to schedule a night where you can get all the parents together and just go for coffee.  Let them talk about what is on their minds; you never know what might happen.
2. Talk to the parents one on one – This may sound obvious and simple, but it is simply something I didn’t do.  Sure I would have quick conversations with them when kids were picked up or dropped off, but I rarely went out of my way to share my heart with them.  Then I would wonder why sometimes the parents make decisions which seem to completely go against my heart for the youth. (big fail there)
3. “I wish my ______ would know this” – I did an exercise once where I had all the youth anonymously write down on a piece of paper what they wish their parent would know.  I then reversed the roles and had the parents do the same for their children.  It wasn’t amazingly ground breaking, but it gave each a brief window in the heads of the other person that might have not happened otherwise.  Give this exercise a try and see if it doesn’t help ease some tension.

In the end parents generally want what is best for their kid, and if your heart is in youth ministry so do you.  Trying to find common grounds with the parents to help open discussion around the difficult topics that kids are facing is important and something that should be a priority for you.  If you have been failing in this area, why is it that you are falling short?  If you are doing awesome this area what are some other tips you can give to those of us that aren’t?

For good measure I've added a poster you should probably put up in your youth room.

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Ryan Filsinger is a husband, father, hockey lover, video game producer and aspiring social architect.  He has been in part time youth ministry for the last 6 years in Charlottetown, PEI.  You can find him on twitter @rfilsinger or read his rarely updated blog at www.filsinger.org