Time for Some Prayer Games ...

Do remember that Christmas song about Rudolph?  You know, it's the one with the lyrics about 'all of the reindeer' bullying a poor red-nosed under-dog by calling him names and not allowing him to join them in their reindeer games.  Sounds like they may have been middle school reindeer!

Although I actually have no idea what the 'Reindeer Games' actually are, I have spent time playing 'Prayer Games' with students over the years and if Rudolph would have been around, I'd have invited him to join in too.

Seriously though, if the teens you get to serve and minister to are anything like the youth where I live, they love the concept of prayer and may even enjoy practising it in private, but when it comes to approaching the Lord with words in a corporate setting with their peers, the walls go up and the eyes immediately look down at the floor.  This is especially true for new believers or students who are pre-Christian.

So how do you get teens to get better at coming before their heavenly Father?  I've found that the best way to learn to pray is by praying.  Here are some 'games' that might kick-start this essential spiritual discipline in your ministry.  If you have others, please leave your ideas in the comment area below.

Prayer Game #1: International (Korean) Prayer

What is it?
My friend Denise spent a year in Korea and mentioned that now that she is back home, she has her small group often spend time praying like the ethnic Koreans at the international church she attended. Basically, she has her group huddle together, pick a topic, and pray out-loud all at once.

Note: at this point many of my charismatic friends are going, "Um, that's not very original Dan", but the truth is, many churches would see this as totally new and out of their comfort zone. 

How to do it?
Get your small group, youth group, etc. into a huddle ... give them a topic as well as some basic information on how they might pray for it (this helps those who aren't very good at prayer).  Then, announce that you'll be giving them ___ seconds to pray out-loud about it (*I generally start with a 15 second time period and will increase it from there.)

Let students know that, if they run out of things to say, they can listen to those around them for a moment and steal lines from others as they overhear them.

This 'game' gets people comfortable hearing their own voice praying out-loud, and the benefit is that it doesn't embarrass teens by putting them on the spot with all their friends focussing on them.  Plus,  the time limits mean that it's a short enough period that people generally don't run out of things to pray. Finally, because 'everyone is doing it', teens who are not Christians don't feel "outed"!

Prayer Games #2: Divide and Conquer

What is it?
I remember speaking at a retreat once that was targeted at college students and focused on the topic of prayer.  The weekend involved 20-somethings from different churches and I wanted to do an "icebreaker" so that they could meet each other and move into some prayer time right away.  What I came up with was this fun little game that worked really well and is easily transferred to youth groups.

How to do it?
Handout pens and paper to everyone (we did this when they walked in the door) and have teens write their name on it and either a statement about how they are expecting to grow in their faith during the retreat / coming semester / evening event / etc.  As another option, students could write down a question they would like to ask God to speak to them about during the retreat / coming semester / evening event / etc.

Divide the youth into two groups (just call them group 'A' and 'B'). Collect group B's papers and hang onto them for a minute. Collect group A's papers and re-distribute them to group B.

Group B people must find the person from group A named on their paper, introduce themselves, and then pray for the item listed on the paper.

When completed, handout group B's paper to group A and repeat the exercise.

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Dan King is a Pastor to Youth and Young Adults in Parksville, on Vancouver Island.  He's a 20+ year veteran of youth ministry and has worked in large and small churches across Western Canada.  He is a husband and father of two teenagers, loves skim boarding, collects Nike sneakers, and enjoys practicing the spiritual discipline that calls him to 'be still and know'.  Read the online "Leadership and Youth Ministry" magazine he edits and contributes to or follow him @danKing_live

Earning the Right to be Heard

Through my work in youth ministry, it’s become evident to me that the churches that have the strongest youth ministries are generally the ones that do the best relational ministry.  As I’ve written about before, youth ministry is about people and not programs; we need to be interested in souls and not in attendance.

And most importantly: young people won’t care how much we know until they know how much we care.

I learned this the hard way back in 1999 when I was discerning a move to Lindenhurst, New York (on the southern shore of Long Island) to become the parish youth minister at a Catholic Church.  On one of my recruitment trips to Lindenhurst I joined the parish youth group on their annual trip to a Young Life camp in New York.

At the camp, I was asked to facilitate a small group of 8 young men.  I was both eager and nervous at the opportunity to get to know them – teens who I would inevitably see more regularly if I took the job.  After a busy first day of camp, we settled into some evening prayer time and discussion time in our cabin.

13 years later, I can’t remember the exact topic we were discussing but I can certainly remember how things transpired.  Whatever we were discussing, I must have had a strong opinion on it because I distinctly remember using language like:

“You need to do this...”

“You must consider trying...”

“I think you should...”

One of the teens must have gotten tired of my soliloquy as he finally interrupted me saying, “You have no right to tell us anything yet...you don’t even know us.  Why should we listen to you?”  The other 7 dudes nodded in agreement.

My first reaction was one of shock.  Inside I screamed for them to respect me as their elder and “leader” for the week.  Didn’t they know who they were talking back at?  I was the big shot youth minister from Canada! 

But thankfully I was able to quickly shove my ego aside.  Plus, I didn’t think I could take all 8 of them in a fight.  :p

“You’re absolutely right,” I said.  “I don’t know any of you...and you certainly don’t know me.  But I’m hopeful that this will change over the next week. Let’s try this again.”

We regrouped (literally and figuratively) and both the rest of the evening and the rest of the week went very well.  By the end of the camp, I had built a strong connection to the guys and we were able to share more openly with each other. 

Ultimately, I ended up declining the job offer to remain in the familiar surroundings of beautiful Vancouver, BC.  But I’m eternally grateful for my experience at the camp:  the small group discussion on the first night was likely the most humbling yet poignant moment of my 21-year youth ministry career. 

In our work with young people, we must earn the right to be heard.  When possible, we need to build genuine relationships with young people before we attempt to evangelize or catechize them.

Because they won’t care how much we know until they know how much we care.

Clayton Imoo is husband to Gail and father to sons Sean Isaiah and Jacob Isaac and daughter Kayla Marie.  He has served as the Director of the Office of Youth and Young Adult Ministry of the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Vancouver for the past ten years, helping parishes develop their own youth and young adult ministries.  When not doing ministry, Clay enjoys spending time with his family, playing music, playing sports, playing naptime, and writing blogs on topics such as family, faith, and the Vancouver Canucks.  Learn more about him at http://www.claytonimoo.com or follow him @claytonimoo      

The Importance of Planning and Execution

This past Tuesday night, I was the blessed to be an "accomplice" in my buddy Mike's marriage proposal to his girlfriend Jennifer.  It was an amazing and unforgettable night, in large part because Jenn had no idea that the proposal was coming and she was caught completely off-guard.

Thankfully, she said yes...haha.

Mike had been planning the proposal for the past two months, and in the last week in particular we exchanged a flurry of emails, texts, and phone calls as we finalized the details.  Our plan was quite elaborate and quite brilliant if I may say so myself...as was the execution.  The acting on the other hand....

It got me to thinking about the importance of planning and execution in youth ministry.  Now I admit that I'm the first one to say that youth ministry should be about people and not programs.  And that we shouldn't spend more time preparing skits and talks than hanging out with young people or praying for them.

But it's amazing how much a difference a well-planned night or event makes in the eyes of teens.  When a night flows well, when the transitions are smooth, and when the leaders seem to know what's coming up next, it adds to the overall positive experience for the participants.  In general, it will keep them more engaged and hopefully wanting to come back.

Granted, different youth leaders have different gifts.  Some youth leaders are more adept at "winging it" than others.  But "winging it" should really be the exception and not the norm.

Thus, I encourage you to spend a proper amount of time in reviewing details - big and small.  Skits need to be well-rehearsed (this isn't Whose Line is it Anyway?).  Same goes for teachings and testimonies.  Have youth leaders review the small group discussion questions before gathering into groups.  And don't forget about transitions between different facets - there is nothing worse than a bunch of "dead time" because you forgot to test the LCD projector or forgot to get into costume for the closing skit.

Sure, it's going to take more time and preparation.   But the young people are worth it.

Clayton Imoo is husband to Gail and father to sons Sean Isaiah and Jacob Isaac and daughter Kayla Marie.  He has served as the Director of the Office of Youth and Young Adult Ministry of the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Vancouver for the past ten years, helping parishes develop their own youth and young adult ministries.  When not doing ministry, Clay enjoys spending time with his family, playing music, playing sports, playing naptime, and writing blogs on topics such as family, faith, and the Vancouver Canucks.  Learn more about him at http://www.claytonimoo.com or follow him @claytonimoo     

Facilitating Good Small Group Discussions

Here are 6 tips for facilitating a good small group discussion in youth ministry:

1.  Environment

-Limit the group size

-Sit in a way where everyone can hear and participate fully (ie. All sitting on chairs, on floor, standing)

2.  Tone

-You set the tone as the leader

-Start with a  prayer where appropriate and have everyone introduce themselves

-Pledge confidentiality

3.  Navigate

-Your job is to keep the conversation on track

-Don’t focus on one person and don’t let one person monopolize the conversation

-Give people the option to pass

4.  Facilitate

-Your job is to wrap and connect points, and keep everyone involved

-Share from your own experiences when appropriate, but don’t preach and don’t feel you have to comment on every single answer given by a group member

-Be prepared to summarize the group discussion if necessary

5.  Silence

-Silence is not always a bad thing

-Let the members think about what they are going to say

-Don’t always jump in to save the discussion

6.  Encourage

-Affirm the members for sharing

Clayton Imoo is husband to Gail and father to sons Sean Isaiah and Jacob Isaac and daughter Kayla Marie.  He has served as the Director of the Office of Youth and Young Adult Ministry of the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Vancouver for the past ten years, helping parishes develop their own youth and young adult ministries.  When not doing ministry, Clay enjoys spending time with his family, playing music, playing sports, playing naptime, and writing blogs on topics such as family, faith, and the Vancouver Canucks.  Learn more about him at http://www.claytonimoo.com or follow him @claytonimoo     

When Silence is Golden

During a scripted prayer before a meeting this morning, there was a period of silence much longer than we were expecting or accustomed to.  It was actually quite nice and I had no problem resting in the spirit and offering up the meeting and entire day.  However, I could tell that others weren't as comfortable as I was as I heard fidgeting and I sensed unease.  Finally someone comically said "So are we going to meet or just pray all day?"

Not that there's anything wrong with prayer; but we did have many things to accomplish.  It turns out that a small miscommunication led to the prolonged silence.  The person who was supposed to recite the next section didn't know she supposed to.

It got me thinking about small group discussions in youth ministry, and in particular, the silence that sometimes comes with them.  We all know that small groups - when done well - can be an invaluable part of youth ministry.  It gives the more quiet or shy youth a chance to express themselves and it helps youth workers break down topics in a more intimate environment.

However, many youth workers do not handle silence well.  Often, a youth worker will "jump in" to break the silence and therefore "save" the discussion from failing - because they perceive the quiet to be a condemnation of their leadership skills.

Or that the question was too specific.  Or too difficult.

Many times, this is not the case at all.  The youth may need time to think about and formulate their answers.  They may be recalling a memory or trying to figure out how to articulate a response.  We can't rush these moments.

Of course, you need to use your judgement.  If every question you pose is met with silence, then perhaps you need to change your technique, change your questions, or both.

However, a bit of silence is just fine.  So don't rush to end it.  Embrace it instead.

After all, it might be the only quiet time you get all day.

Clayton Imoo is husband to Gail and father to sons Sean Isaiah and Jacob Isaac and daughter Kayla Marie.  He has served as the Director of the Office of Youth and Young Adult Ministry of the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Vancouver for the past ten years, helping parishes develop their own youth and young adult ministries.  When not doing ministry, Clay enjoys spending time with his family, playing music, playing sports, playing naptime, and writing blogs on topics such as family, faith, and the Vancouver Canucks.  Learn more about him at http://www.claytonimoo.com or follow him @claytonimoo    

Stress Point: Thriving Through Your Twenties in a Decade of Drama

Every so often, we will welcome a ‘friend of Ellen’ to offer one of their own picks! Today my friend and colleague, Paola, offers up her thoughts on “Stress Point” by Sarah Martin!

Paola says...

Being a 20-something female, I’ve noticed a gap in the Canadian Christian marketplace surrounding available resources for young adults. There are so many great resources out there for teens and ladies, but there isn’t much out there for young adults. In response to this gap, Sarah Francis Martin has come out with Stress Point. In the Stress Point study, Sarah discusses ten “stress points” for the 20-something woman and encourages both an internal dialogue through journaling exercises and group discussion by providing thought-provoking questions.

Sarah’s blog also acts as a place for online dialogue and mentoring between her readers. Her online summer Bible study, run through her blog, is a unique opportunity for young women to work through Stress Point together while Sarah guides the discussion and answers their questions. I really feel that it is a great space for young women, like myself, to come together, learn and encourage each other.

Note: We are featuring an interactive blog series of Q & A’s with Sarah on our website, and you could win one of five copies of Stress Point. Be sure to check it out!

About the resource...

Stress Point

Sarah Francis Martin

Paperback • Thomas Nelson • 9781418550790

Want to ditch the drama and thrive through your twenties?

Body image. Friendships. Career. Money. Dating. All these issues and more serve as points of stress for the 20-something woman, and combined they can make for a decade of drama in a girl's life. Sarah Francis Martin is the slightly older girlfriend who’s been there, done that, and got the not-so-cute t-shirt. Through this interactive Bible study, Sarah helps young adult women address each stress point by encouraging them to wait on the Lord, worship Him, and make Him the focus of their lives.

In Stress Point you will:

• Find interactive chapters covering ten stress points for the 20-something woman
• Dig through Scripture to apply truth to each stress point
• Engage with real, raw, and relevant stories from girlfriends just like you
• Journal through each chapter to engage with God in a meaningful way
• Interact with Sarah through her video blogs for each chapter
• Connect with your girlfriends in a Stress Point Survival Group; leader guide included

Sarah Francis Martin has a passion to encourage and relate to women in their twenties, and is honored to do so through She Seeks, the 20-something ministry of Proverbs 31. Her relevant and conversational style will lead young adult readers to live out the Kingship of Christ in everyday life in order to find godly success, purpose, and well-being. Obsessed with pink lip gloss and all things artsy-crafty, Sarah lives with her husband and son in North Carolina. Her ministry, LIVE IT OUT!, is a space for 20-somethings to connect with one another and grow closer to Jesus.

An excerpt...

 See below for more resources:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCJa8NahTLI&feature=related

http://liveitoutblog.com/

http://liveitoutblog.com/stress-point-online-summer-bible-study/

http://liveitoutblog.com/ministry-information/

Born and raised on Vancouver Island, Ellen Graf-Martin now lives in the heart of Ontario’s Mennonite country with her husband Dan, where she continues to work in publishing and ministry.Learn more about her work at www.grafmartin.com