Four Tensions a Leader Must Face

Being a leader isn’t an easy task. The greatest leaders in history are those who have learned to work around, embrace and resolve tension. While many people enjoy the responsibility of making decisions, choosing a direction or having people work for you, there is significant weight associated with being a leader because tension is inevitable.

A leader is someone who is open to criticism that is fueled by the mismanagement of the different tensions they endure.

Here are four tensions that every leader faces:

1. Physical Tension – respect and honor for other leaders

There is a natural default human tendency to define our self-worth based on who we are in comparison to others. Leadership is no different. We might look at a leader from another environment and evaluate ourselves to be better than or worse than what we see based on a set of identified or inferred criteria.

Every leader will be faced with the tension to consider him or her self to be of better quality than another leader. Learning to value other leaders for who they are, while leaving room to disagree with process, philosophy or methodology will help you to stay focused on developing into the leader God has created you to be.

2. Emotional Tension – hope vs. pessimism or cynicism

Leaders are often faced with the tension of creating a sense of hope or a sense of impending doom. Facilitating hope creates and sustains vision. Consistent pessimism or cynicism leads only to peril.

Leading from a hope-filled perspective doesn’t make a leader naïve, but instead helps the leader to process, refine and redirect vision as necessary. Leaders need to be honest about their current reality, admitting when things are darker than they had hoped, and brighter then they could have imagined. Hope may not disappoint, but pessimism and cynicism always do.

3. Intellectual Tension – being teachable vs. being arrogance

There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. This is often the difference between creating momentum or chaos. Leaders who are willing to learn from everyone and every situation will begin to develop intrinsic momentum within their organizations by valuing creativity and innovation over proper procedure and/or productivity.

4. Spiritual Tension – love or legalism

There is a leadership tension between valuing tradition over outcome. A loving leader celebrates diversity while a legalistic leader demands conformity. The values of an organization are its social conscience. Violation of values leads to a culture that is more cumbersome than hopeful, depleting the leader’s ability to inspire, manage, create or stimulate growth. Leadership is learning to balance the tension between a legalistic carnal response and loving spiritual intuitiveness.

Tension is a necessary experience for growth and development as a leader. While this is not an exhaustive list of leadership tensions, it points out the reality that tension exists and it cannot be avoided. What do you agree or disagree with? What other leadership tensions do leaders face? What tension are you facing most prominently right now?

Married versus Single in Youth Ministry (Part 1: Advantages)

Photo Credit: J. McPherskesen (Creative Commons)

Marriage is a gift. When God created Eve, Adam broke into song, and we have the first instance of human poetry:

“At last!” the man exclaimed. 

   “This one is bone from my bone,     

and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’  

   because she was taken from ‘man.’” 

This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. (Genesis 2:23-24, NLT)

In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul writes this about marriage and singleness:

But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another. So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. 

I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible. (1 Cor 7:7-8; 32-35, NLT)

Marriage is a gift. So is singleness. So how do these different gifts affect our calling in youth ministry? What are the advantages and disadvantages of each gift? And how can we steward these gifts for the glory of God?

This week, we'll look at the advantages and benefits of both marriage and singleness. Next week, we'll unpack the disadvantages and obstacles.

Here are some ministry advantages to being married:

-You have a partner in life and ministry. My wife is my biggest advocate, cheerleader, encourager, and source of wisdom in ministry. She can disciple young women infinitely better than I ever will. We also navigate everyday life together, and we'll always have someone who loves us and has our backs, even during the hard times in ministry. Doing this Jesus-following thing together is always better than doing it alone, and marriage is one of the best environments for sanctification.

-Perceived maturity and greater level of commitment. Whether we like it or not, in our Christian subculture there is a perceived maturity that comes with the status of marriage. A married 24-year-old is viewed differently than a single 24-year-old, and many churches and organizations are willing to give more responsibility to a married person than a single person. There is some truth behind this perception: a married person reveals they have the ability to make a commitment, to follow through on things, to work together on a team, and to navigate conflicts. Of course, there are mature and committed single people, and some great biblical examples (read: Jesus).

-Modeling healthy marriage and parenthood. The young people I disciple can look to my marriage and parenting as an example of a Godly marriage. Not that our marriage is perfect; that's the point, actually. We invite them to see us, flaws and all. Many in single-parent and divorced homes don't have great pictures of what a healthy marriage can look like, so offering stories and experiences can be a huge benefit for young people.

-Boundaries factor: my ring says "off limits." Where a young single guy or gal in ministry could send the wrong romantic signals to a teenager or young adult, my wedding ring and presence of my wife and children tells others that I'm not available. Sure, I still have to maintain healthy boundaries in my interactions and guard my heart and marriage; it's just simpler at times when I'm perceived as the old married guy, particularly with single young adults.

Here are some ministry advantages to being single:

-More availability. Being single means having less familial responsibilities, allowing for more freedom in the use of one's time and energy. A single person has a greater ability to be spontaneous and impulsive in the best sort of way. The students want to go see the midnight showing of that new movie? Done. Your adult volunteer team is having lunch after church services? I'm there. They need one more person to go on the missions trip to Uganda? Sign me up. Married people have their spouse's interests to consider. Like Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 7, a single person can devote themselves to the ministry of the Lord without having their interests divided. Can you imagine Paul doing his missionary journeys with a family, either traveling with him or back at home in Israel somewhere?

-Modeling healthy singleness. As a married guy, I won't be able to model a healthy lifestyle of being single and content in the Lord. I can only speak from past experience, so it's really cool to have a volunteer leader in my ministry like Rachel, who recently wrote this awesome blog post for Converge Magazine. She's not perfect--she'd never claim to be--but she's doing her best to pursue God as young single woman, and that's a great example for the young women she is shepherding!

-Jesus was single. So, if you're single, you're more like Jesus! (Apart from the whole "church as the bride of Christ" metaphor.)

What are other advantages you can think of, either for married or singleness in youth ministry? Share them in a comment!

Joel Mayward is a pastor, writer, husband, and father living in Langley, British Columbia. He’s been serving in youth ministry since 2003, and is currently the Pastor of Youth and Young Adult Ministries at North Langley Community Church. A writer for numerous youth ministry publications and author of Leading Up: Finding Influence in the Church Beyond Role and Experience, Joel writes about youth ministry, film, theology, and leadership at his blog, joelmayward.blogspot.ca.

The Youth Room - Part 1

If money was not an option, what would be in your youth room?

A few youth workers gave me their dream ideas:

• multiple game systems
• lounge/living room area (new not cast offs)
• ping-pong table
• foosball
• air hockey
• snack & beverage area
• lighting system
• sound system
• HD projector
• multiple HD flat screen tv’s
• open wifi
• stage
• seating around small round tables.
• mirrored disco ball
• full sized gym

What's would you add to this list?

Share your youth room photos here and I will post them next week for part 2 of The Youth Room.

Jeff Smyth is a youth worker who has been involved in both the local church and non-profit areas of Canada for  15 years. Jeff lives in Toronto with his wife Heather and son Nathan.
Jeff is online: Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, Google+

How are we using the time when kids are off school?

Another quick video from Dave Brotherton.  More than anything, I just wanted to be with kids. Sitting in my office sucked the life out of me. Why, then, do I see so many ministries that do nothing over Christmas break? The kids are out of school, making it prime time for relationship building... getting the quality, extended time with kids! Use this holiday season well! Be with kids.

Dave Brotherton was a youth pastor from 1984-2006 and now teaches youth ministry at Ambrose University College in Calgary. Dave is also the National Youth Guy for the Alliance churches in Canada and the director of Legacy Youth Conference. Dave is married to Lisa and they share 2 of the greatest kids in the world. Fishing, camping, and cheering on the Leafs are some of his favorite things. 
twitter: @oldbrotherdave

Youth Ministry is So Advent

Source: www.thepracticingcatholic.com

Advent is about waiting.  Anticipating.  Expecting.  Preparing.  Hoping.  This sounds a lot like youth ministry to me.

We wait for youth to commit their lives to Jesus.  We wait for them so we can start our youth gatherings.  We wait for their parents to come pick them up at the end of our events.

We anticipate the arrival of youth at our gatherings with our eyes fixated on the door.  We anticipate their confusion or their silence when we are preparing small group discussions.  We anticipate their excitement when we announce the dates of retreats and rallies.

We expect the youth to behave when they are at Church.  We expect that more youth will come out to social events than teaching nights.  We expect that Father will ask us “So how many people came to youth ministry last night?”

We prepare prayer services, social justice excursions, and skits.  We prepare snacks to serve the youth either before, during, or after the gathering.  We prepare them to be able to share their testimonies with a world that so desperately needs to hear them.

We hope that we are making a difference in the youths’ lives.  We hope that they make good decisions especially in the face of temptation.  We hope that their homes are stable and that their friends are good.

Most of all, we love them where they are at and we lead them to an encounter with Jesus Christ.

Just as Christ entered the world to love and encounter us.

Clayton Imoo is husband to Gail and father to sons Sean Isaiah and Jacob Isaac and daughter Kayla Marie.  He has served as the Director of the Office of Youth and Young Adult Ministry of the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Vancouver for the past ten years, helping parishes develop their own youth and young adult ministries.  When not doing ministry, Clay enjoys spending time with his family, playing music, playing sports, playing naptime, and writing blogs on topics such as family, faith, and the Vancouver Canucks.  Learn more about him at http://www.claytonimoo.com or follow him @claytonimoo   

The Greatest Disqualifier in Youth Ministry: Lack of Preparation

Image Credit: Values.com

When I was in Boy Scouts, they had a motto that stemmed from the founder, Robert Baden-Powell:

Be prepared.

It meant to be at the ready in both mind and body to do one's duty, having the discipline and wherewithal to know the right thing to do at the right moment, and have the right skills and mindset to actually...you know...do it. (I was never a great Scout. I'd just giggle every time someone said "duty.")

I was recently talking with a friend about the various struggles we face in youth ministry, and the following statement came tumbling out of my mouth:

"The greatest disqualifier for legitimacy in youth ministry is a lack of preparation."

I said it as a passing comment, but it stuck in my mind.

Organizationally, many in youth ministry have the reputation of "winging it." Through making last minute requests, turning in forms and request past deadlines, and having poor budgeting and calendaring skills, a person with a great heart for people loses traction due to slapdash methodologies.

Emotionally and relationally, a number of leaders in youth ministry burn out due to lack of healthy boundaries, inability to deal with criticism, or the drain of carrying others' burdens on their own shoulders. They weren't prepared to handle the emotional weight of ministry, and buckled under the load. Perhaps they weren't prepared with healthy boundaries, and fell into sexual sin and temptation.

Spiritually, we too often become branches disconnected from the vine of Christ, trying our best to be spiritual leaders without finding regular rest and rejuvenation in the One who gives us abundant life.

I wonder if our tribe's lack of preparation is connected to an inadequate vision of one's duty.

Let me unpack that.

Our duty--our calling from God into ministry as shepherds and spiritual guides and disciple-makers and teachers and leaders--stems from God, and God alone. When I am relying on my own strength and energy and efforts to accomplish ministry tasks and functions, I begin to lose perspective on what matters most and who God has created me to be. When I am humbled and must rely on God for His strength and wisdom and grace, I'm reenergized to dive back into who God has created me to be and what He's created me to do, and to prepare accordingly. 

I can only prepare if I know who I am and where I'm headed, what I'm supposed to be doing in the first place. If I'm a hockey player, I show up to the game prepared with a certain set of skills and equipment. Those are very different skills and equipment if I'm going to play basketball. Or practice guitar. Or preach a sermon. Or lead a small group discussion. Or sit across from a student in a coffee shop and just be present with them.

2 Timothy 4:2 says to be prepared in season and out of season. For what? Preaching the Word of God; correction, rebuke, and encouragement, with great patience and careful instruction. This doesn't just mean "stand on a stage and preach a message." It requires a knowledge and love of Scripture that soaks into our minds and hearts and leaks out in our everyday lives. Spiritual disciplines and practices matter--they're called practices because they're meant for training, rehearsing, polishing the rough edges of our souls. When we're not practiced and prepared, when we've forgotten to hone the skills and bring the right equipment, when we ignore our identity and vocation, we disqualify ourselves from effective ministry with others.

So youth ministry tribe: let's strive to be prepared, in season and out of season, to do our duty with those we're called to shepherd and love in the name of Jesus. 

And let's make sure to giggle every single time someone says "duty." It's our...well...duty.

What do you think? Agree or disagree with my statement? What practices are you trying to stay prepared in youth ministry?

--
Joel Mayward is a pastor, writer, husband, and father living in Langley, British Columbia. He’s been serving in youth ministry since 2003, and is currently the Pastor of Youth and Young Adult Ministries at North Langley Community Church. A writer for numerous youth ministry publications and author of Leading Up: Finding Influence in the Church Beyond Role and Experience, Joel writes about youth ministry, film, theology, and leadership at his blog, joelmayward.blogspot.ca.

No More Lone Rangers

It was a last minute decision one night this past summer to go see the Lone Ranger with some friends. Here are some words that describe the Lone Ranger: mysterious, unknown, vigilante, angry, alone, (insert your own word here)______________.

Lone Rangers are arriving on the youth ministry landscape on a regular basis, I’m sure you’ve seen them. They are not bound by age, gender or ethnicity, however those are a few of the commonalities to Lone Rangers.

Two common characteristics of Lone Rangers in youth ministry:

1) No Team: they like to run everything yet complain how much youth ministry is draining the lit out of them. They don’t actively recruit volunteers yet work well with who they have. They maintain all the authority never releasing anyone from their team to pursue where God is leading them. It’s all about control.

2) No Community: it is all about their youth ministry. They do not connect with other youth workers from other groups. It’s all about in-reach and no out-reach. Remaining alone, they don’t want any help from anyone, no advice, no help, no mentoring, no coaching. They will gladly listen but they will write off any advice. They are arrogant and they believe they know everything.

Successful Youth Workers have two common characteristics:

1) Know Team: the success of the team is paramount. Releasing the vital areas of the ministry to the volunteers and students. 

2) Know Community: they realize that they will not reach every student for Christ. They partner together with other youth ministries because the scope of their impact is greater together than alone. Creating synergy around the things that unite them, by focusing on Jesus.

What thoughts or questions do you have about Lone Rangers?

A Recovering Lone Ranger.
Jeff Smyth
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