Gimme a Break!

When it comes to our youth ministry leaders, it’s a common tendency to fall into the mindset of “keeping them at all costs”.  We fear losing them forever and we sometimes fail to see that it might be worth suffering some short-term pain for some long-term gain.

There are many reasons why leaders leave ministry, including (but not limited to) burnout, lack of support/guidance, lack of training, lack of opportunities for growth, conflicts within the team/ministry, change of heart/desire, feelings of inadequacy or insignificance, changes in life/family/job, moral failures and not feeling appreciated/affirmed.

When one of our leaders comes to us and desires a break because of one or more of the above reasons, we must have the foresight and humility to grant the request.  I would much rather have someone take some time off from youth ministry leadership to get his business in order and come back stronger than keep someone for too long and then have him quit forever.    

Like many things in ministry, it sounds simple in theory but it’s not easy in practice.  Often, it’s hard to find good youth ministry volunteers so we’d rather cut off one of our limbs than lose one.  We worry about how someone stepping down looks to the teens, parents and other church members.  We try to convince them that things will eventually work themselves out and they should just keep on keeping on.

But if the leader is not in the right frame of mind, then keeping him on the team is doing him, the teens, and the ministry overall a disservice.

Youth ministry is not just about leading young people to an encounter with Jesus Christ.  It’s also about mentoring and leadership development.

When one of our leaders tells us he needs a break, let’s have the wisdom to grant his wish.

It’s simply the right thing to do.

Clayton Imoo is husband to Gail and father to sons Sean Isaiah and Jacob Isaac and daughter Kayla Marie.  He has served as the Director of the Office of Youth and Young Adult Ministry of the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Vancouver for the past ten years, helping parishes develop their own youth and young adult ministries.  When not doing ministry, Clay enjoys spending time with his family, playing music, playing sports, playing naptime, and writing blogs on topics such as family, faith, and the Vancouver Canucks.  Learn more about him at http://www.claytonimoo.com or follow him @claytonimoo 

The Power of Story

Have you ever wondering where stories come from and why they are so powerful?

The origin of story is found in something we lovingly refer to as oral tradition. From the dawn of time, human beings gathered together to share in story - story of life's origin, story of purpose, story of definition and story of hope. Every human culture that has ever existed has elevated story to be the capstone of their existence. We are immersed in story.

Story is in the sinew that binds the human narrative together.

One of my favourite things to do as a parent is to tell stories to my children. Sometimes these stories are about my own childhood memories; sometimes the stories I tell are focused on producing some sort of desired response; and at other times stories are simply about celebrating something.

Stories are powerful because they matter to us. Here are three ways the power of story is revealed.

Story inspires. Have you ever heard someone say, "I've gotta great story to tell?" They proceed to dive into a great tale of some triumph or failure, evoking emotion, engagement and wonder as a result. Great stories are ones that inspire us in some way. Inspiration is a fickle thing. At times it demands an active response, and at others it invokes a pensive state. In all its forms, great story-telling catapults the listener into an emotively saturated climate called inspiration.

Story celebrates. The best stories told through image or words are those that seek to elevate a cause, an individual or a dilemma that is worth celebrating. While Hollywood has done society a great disservice is many regards, what Hollywood does do well is celebrate great stories. Historical turning points, social awareness issues and personal triumphs have been captivated in print or on-screen in ways that have allowed millions of people to be influenced in some way. Awards shows like the Grammys & Emmys provide a platform through which the telling of story is honoured, and the stories themselves may gain the recognition and joy they deserve.

Story breathes. Stories are alive. Don't believe me? Try telling someone a story and see what happens. Stories evoke question, wonder & hope at the drop of a hat. What we say, how we say it, and how we choose to live in response to what we've experienced are signs of life...life that is wrought into existence by the power of story.

One of my goals as a leader is to learn to harness the power of story in my own life - knowing that what I say and what I do are stitching together a narrative that influences the world around me. More importantly, knowing that my life as story exists within the context of a greater unfolding story known as human existence, which has been authored by a creator God in a loving and determined fashion.

It's this story that all of human kind finds itself immersed in. Which leaves me to ponder how we are engaging the power of story in all its forms to inspire, celebrate & breathe in present reality and the not so distant future? What do you think?

Ordinary Teens Can Change the World: Raising Up World Changers in Your Youth Group

The life of youth worker is busy, exhausting, hard work, and though we know it is rewarding we don’t always get see the impact we are making. Thankfully, there are times in our work when we get a glimpse of the impact we are making, over the past year I have had a few moments like that!

This time last year I was preparing to take a team of teens to the Philippines with Street Invaders (a summer youth mission program helping teens to but their faith into action). I have been attending the program for 12 years first, as a teen myself and now as a team leader. I have learned critical lessons on being a leader and on living out my faith through the program. As I was preparing this team to go to the Philippines one of my greatest desires was to help equip the youth to see the needs of our world and to dynamically meet those needs in a way that honours and communicates the heart of God. One of the challenges the teens accepted was taking only packing a carry on sized suitcase for themselves and then using their allocated checked luggage space to pack a large suitcase of items that we hard to acquire locally to assist the local church we were partnering with. We then raised money to buy any items that were available over there so that we were contributing to the local economy. This simple exercise demonstrated how we could use what we have (like a luggage allowance) and our circles of influence (friends and family who we asked for donations from) to responsibly help support the local church overseas in a way that costs us something (having a nice selection of clothes for the trip) because we all know that creating change does require sacrifice. The response from the team was astounding! One of the girls I had the privilege of getting to know on this trip was 16 year old Grace.

Grace is an incredible young woman, and she also represents your average teen. I say that because Grace is not necessarily different from any other teen except that she has chosen to do some extraordinary things in the midst of ordinary life Grace came to the Philippines last year and it profoundly impacted her. She had thrown herself into the challenge of traveling light and gathering donations for the Filipino church and this summer Grace is returning with me to the Philippines but this time I didn’t need to make any suggestions, Grace took initiative in using her circles of influence as she put her faith into action.

Have you heard of rainbow loom? I hear it’s the latest craze! Well Grace started a project called Bracelets for Asia, she has been making rainbow loom bracelets to give to teens in SE Asia who have been forced into sexual slavery! What a creative project!

Grace is using her context to make a face to face impact with teens halfway across the world. Grace sees each of those girls sold into slavery as a teen like herself who she might not be able to rescue but she can let them know they are cared for, and that brings hope. Grace’s project has caught on and now hundreds of bracelets have been made! Not only will girls in SE Asia receive a symbol of friendship and value but everyone making the bracelets are learning about the problems of sexual exploitation! While I certainly cannot take credit for the amazing woman Grace is, I have learned something crucial things from leading her and the other teens to the Philippines. I have learned how powerfully God uses teenagers through their creativity, friendships and passion. As youth workers we have an amazing opportunity to help empower our youth groups to live out their faith each day, seeing teens in action is one of the most rewarding things for a youth leader to experience! (If teens in your youth group like rainbow loom and would like to contribute to Bracelets for Asia email me at jane@hopeforher.ca)

Five ways to help teens to walk out their faith in the world:

1.      Talk about issues going on in the world and God’s heart for these problems.

2.      Demonstrate ways to walk out your faith in the world by meeting tangible needs and communicating God’s love.

3.      Provide opportunities for teens to buy in to a cause. Its ok to ask teens to sacrifice something in order to help often this is what creates a sense of ownership and commitment.

4.      Release teens to think up creative solutions to problems they see in their schools, communities and world.

5.      Provide opportunities for your teen to walk out their faith through local and international missions. One great resource for this is Street Invaders, they specialize in teen missions and I can attest to the powerful way God uses this program. If you would like more information go to www.streetinvaders.ca

Jane Galbreath

 Jane is a theology graduate and social work student, living in Saskatchewan. She spends her summers leading international youth mission teams. She is passionate about empowering young women to serve God particularly young women struggling with trauma and mental health issues. Jane has been a victim of sexual violence so she knows the heartache, shame, strength and courage it takes to face being a victim. Jane is a blogger and advocate for other females who have been victims of sexual violence because she knows that it is possible to not only survive but to come out the other side strong. After many years of healing Jane comes to you from that place! For more information and to visit Jane’s blog click here http://hopeforherblog.wordpress.com/about/

Youth Ministry #FAIL

the definition of insanity is this: "doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results".

many youth workers today are insane, and not in a good way. let me tell you about one of the biggest secrets about youth ministry that really depends on how right or wrong you think about about it.

prayer.

we must think of prayer as the breath in our lungs and the blood from our heart. the blood flows ceaselessly, and our breathing continues ceaselessly. none of us are conscious of it, but it's always going on. we are not always conscious of Jesus keeping us in perfect union with God, but if we are obeying Him, He always is.

"Pray without ceasing," keep the childlike attitude of always asking questions of God, always sharing with him your hearts thoughts and feelings all the time.

"Jesus never mentioned unanswered prayer, He had the boundless certainty that prayer is always answered. have we by the Spirit the unspeakable certainty that Jesus had about prayer, or do we think of the times when God does not seem to have answered our prayers? Every one that asks will receive. We say - "But...but..." Do we expect God to answer prayer? The danger is that we water down the things that Jesus says and make them mean something that correlates with our common sense. The things Jesus says about prayer are supernatural revelations." Oswald Smith - My Utmost for His Highest

Do you expect God to answer your prayers for the students and their families in the youth ministry you have been entrusted to oversee?

Are you giving 10% of your weekly time to prayer?

photo from rimrockchurch.com 

The 'attraction model' of youth ministry that we all used to live by....

In this video, I'm rambling on about the 'old way' of doing youth ministry. Building specific events to attract new kids was common place. For a while, periodically, we'd have great results. More often than not, we just had great programs... 

1.  in my experience, few kids ever really shifted their attendance/engagement from the big, crazy Friday night event to the weekly discipleship/growth meetings. The different programs we offered were just too different. Kids that came for the fun just came for the fun. Only a few shifted like we intended.
2.  kids have told me that they didn't appreciate getting invited to a fun event and being blindsided with a serious, invitational 'God talk'.  This changed how we invited kids - not what we did. We started inviting kids to 'a big fun thing where we will talk about God'... that didn't really work either.
3.  my youth group just ended up bringing the same kids over and over... they got used to it, accepted the deal and had fun; but results diminished. Some of those kids finally accepted Christ because of the relationships built - could we not have done that much more effectively?
4.  I spent a TON of time and money on attracting kids. Kids came for the program, not for relationship, not for growth, not for the message, not for God. I was a program director more than a shepherd.

 Here's about 5 minutes of my ramblings...

 

How should we respond? Create healthy, authentic followers of Christ who will work at following Christ well. Then, in the relationships they have, invite friends into the community who practices following Jesus well.... Get good at doing what Christians do... let the world see that!

Let's not 'green screen' folks into hearing the gospel.  
dave


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P.S.
After shooting this, I remembered where I got the ideas I mentioned in the video. The article that talked about the choir and the debate team is by Ken Moser. His article on tearing down the house is awesome! So, Ken... I'm not stealing your material; I'm pointing it out! Good job.

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Dave Brotherton was a youth pastor from 1984-2006 and now teaches youth ministry at Ambrose University College in Calgary. Dave is also the National Youth Guy for the Alliance churches in Canada, the director of Legacy Youth Conference, and a junior high volunteer in his church. Dave is married to Lisa and they share 2 of the greatest kids in the world. Fishing, camping, and cheering on the Leafs are some of his favorite things. 
This summer, Dave is transitioning to lead the ministry of Sauble Christian Fellowship, Sauble Beach, ON. 
twitter: @oldbrotherdave 

Calling Your Bluff

It started off innocently enough: my daughter Kayla and I were enjoying some quality daughter-father time when I noticed that she had left her Disney Princess Snakes and Ladders game (and all its pieces) scattered on the floor near my bed.  I noticed because I stepped on one of the pieces (I think it was Snow White) and it felt like she went right through my left foot.

“Kayla,” I exclaimed, “put your toys away or I’ll throw them in the garbage!”

“Go ahead!”

I was quite surprised at her reaction; this was one of her favourite toys!  But instead of following up on my threat, I explained to her that she needed to clean it up both from a tidiness and safety perspective.  Thankfully she obliged.

I shared the incident with others and most of them called me out as a wimp (in the most loving way). Parents, friends, and family willingly shared stories from their past and encouraged me to exhibit some tough love.

All because my 6 year-old daughter called my bluff.

Which got me thinking...how many times do we use bluffs in youth ministry?  And what happens when young people actually call us out on them?

I’ve written numerous times on the importance of relational ministry and how we must earn the right to be heard: young people won’t care how much we know until they know how much we care.  It goes without saying that the two best ways to build and strengthen relationships with young people are to talk with them and to hang out with them.

Like any relationship, there will be ups and downs...but for the sake of the relationship we persist.  We encourage. We inspire.  We affirm.  We challenge.  And sometimes...we bluff...even with good intentions.

My exchange with Kayla from earlier in this week reminded me of the importance of being truthful and of following-up.  Thus:

• When you tell a teen you are going to pray for her...you better pray for her.
• When you promise a reward to a teen...you better end up giving it to him.
• When you tell a teen you don’t know the answer to her question...you better find it and relay it back to her.
• When you threaten a teen with a consequence...you better administer it if you desire a change.
• When you tell a teen that you’ll go to his basketball game or school concert...you better be there.

All young people want from us is to be real.  To be genuine.  To be authentic.

That’s how we go “all in” with young people. The stakes are simply too high not to.

Clayton Imoo is husband to Gail and father to sons Sean Isaiah and Jacob Isaac and daughter Kayla Marie.  He has served as the Director of the Office of Youth and Young Adult Ministry of the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Vancouver for the past ten years, helping parishes develop their own youth and young adult ministries.  When not doing ministry, Clay enjoys spending time with his family, playing music, playing sports, playing naptime, and writing blogs on topics such as family, faith, and the Vancouver Canucks.  Learn more about him at http://www.claytonimoo.com or follow him @claytonimoo 

Video Interview with Phil Prendergast - The Meeting House

Phil is a youth ministry worker who is passionate about Canada, intergenerational ministry, youth and the Toronto Maple Leafs! Listen to a conversation between Phil and I as we chat about Canadian youth ministry trends, what we love about Canada and what we hope every Canadian Youth Worker would know about their ministry.

Is There A Rape Culture In Your Youth Group?

You've heard of Youth Culture, Pop Culture, Arts and Culture, but have you heard of Rape Culture? I recently read an article that made reference to it so I looked it up. After reading various sources on it, I felt it necessary to share it with you. 

Rape Culture is the normalization of sexual violence as a society. It is when jokes about rape are made and laughed at, when a song about the objectifying women hits the top of the charts in pop music. It's when people believe the victim 'had it coming.' 

Shannon Ridgway in an article she wrote called 25 Everyday Examples of Rape Culture helps define it.

“It’s not necessarily a society or group of people that outwardly promotes rape (although it could be)… We’re talking about cultural practices (that, yes, we commonly engage in together as a society) that excuse or otherwise tolerate sexual violence.”

It’s about a cultural mentality towards sexual assault, rape and violence that lack moral values. When claims are made, are they ignored, and trivialized?  I took on the Cause for girls after a female in my youth group was raped by two co-workers. She arrived home in tears. Her aunt that she was living with yelled at her, told her to shower and that she had it coming. She was told that it was her fault. 

“Rape culture includes jokes, TV, music, advertising, legal jargon, laws, words, and imagery, that make violence against women and sexual coercion seem so normal that people believe that rape is inevitable. Rather than viewing the culture of rape as a problem to change, people in a rape culture think about the persistence of rape as “just the way things are.”  Force: Upsetting the Rape Culture

Looking at the extreme end of things, you see rape culture in prisons as depicted in Shawshank Redemption and in war torn countries where rape is used as psychological warfare, where girls are sold off to be sex slaves.  Please don’t forget about the Nigerian School Girls, as the American military is currently looks for them in Chad. Please keep praying for them. You see in a Rape Culture girls do not feel safe. But is that only overseas?

Here in Canada do we live in a rape culture? You be the judge. The Women’s Centre at Marshall University in the U.S. lists examples of what Rape Culture is.

Examples of Rape Culture:

• ·      Blaming the victim (“She asked for it!”)
• ·      Trivializing sexual assault (“Boys will be boys!”)
• ·      Sexually explicit jokes
• ·      Tolerance of sexual harassment
• ·      Inflating false rape report statistics
• ·      Publicly scrutinizing a victim’s dress, mental state, motives, and history
• ·      Gratuitous gendered violence in movies and television
• ·      Defining “manhood” as dominant and sexually aggressive
• ·      Defining “womanhood” as submissive and sexually passive
• ·      Pressure on men to “score”
• ·      Pressure on women to not appear “cold”
• ·      Assuming only promiscuous women get raped
• ·      Assuming that men don’t get raped or that only “weak” men get raped
• ·      Refusing to take rape accusations seriously
• ·      Teaching women to avoid getting raped instead of teaching men not to rape

Youth Pastor, do blurred lines exist in the mind of your students? If your students are connected with pop culture by way of music, TV, and they have to travel to get to school…then yes, there are lines that are blurry. I spoke at a girl’s conference in a small town addressing sexual assault and harassment. This bold Jr. High girl spoke up and asked me, “What do you do when people turn on you for telling.” A couple of the girls explained to me and shared examples of how not only do the guys shun a person for speaking when they have been assaulted or harassed, but it’s predominantly the females that get into the girls face and tell her off for ruining a guys life, or justifying his actions by saying, “He was just playing! Why are you taking things so seriously?” As I continued to travel to other schools, I am finding that this response is common right across the board. It’s her fault.

There is a class of Comedy Movies, that I call ‘Stupid’ Comedy. I’ll admit I haven’t seen any of these movies because I despise this genre. Movies like Austin Powers, Happy Gilmore. I know I can hear you, those are classics! I loved Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Wayne’s World, but I jumped off the bandwagon at Dumb and Dumber. This league of comedy continues to grow in popularity while the language; the jokes they make are progressively getting worst. The close range boob shots, the quick hand butt grabs, the sexual innuendos endorse rape culture. Movies like Ted, The Hangover, Borat, and new releases such as Neighbors and 100 Ways to Die In The West have made sexual harassment funny.

My Concerns For…

Young Women:  “It’s inevitable.” If you are in school your boob is going to get squeezed. The same attitude exists concerning taking transit in the big cities. Too many girls have accepted it as a way of life, this has become normal for them. Do the girls in your youth ministry know that they can do something about the guy who makes them feel uncomfortable as he constantly stares at her and her chest making obscene comments to his friends about her? THIS IS NOT NORMAL! THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE! These types of discussions need to take place in the church. Also girls need to serve as allies for other girls who are courageous enough to report harassment or assault. There is power in numbers. Do the girls in your youth group rally around and support girls who’ve been assaulted or do they judge them like everybody else. Talk About It.

Young Men: The consequences. I do believe guys are good they just say and do stupid things. From Porn, to imagery in video games, even the action movies they watch it’s no wonder their lines are blurred. I’m concerned because what they are passing off as humour or jokes is actually a crime with HUGE ramifications that many of them don’t know about! Students need to know the bible AND practical ways of navigating through youth culture. We need more young men who have the courage to stand up to their guy friends who are speaking about someone inappropriately. More guys who will support a girl who has been assaulted in the hallway to go with her to the principal and help her speak up. More guys who are convicted to leave a movie because of how women are treated and portrayed. Talk About It.

How Can Men And Women Combat Rape Culture? 
Educate your students on the following:

• ·      Avoid using language that objectifies or degrades women
• ·      Speak out if you hear someone else making an offensive joke or trivializing rape
• ·      If a friend says they’ve been raped or assaulted guy or girl, take them seriously and be supportive
• ·      Teach students to think critically about the media’s messages about women, men, relationships, and violence
• ·      Be respectful of others’ physical space even in casual situations
• ·      Always communicate when intimate with someone do not assume consent
• ·      Define your own manhood or womanhood.  Do not let stereotypes shape your actions.
• ·      Get involved! Join a student or community group working to end violence against women.

Resources Used:

Women’s Centre: Marshall University; Rape Culture

Shannon Ridgeway;  25 Everyday Examples of Rape Culture – This article list specific examples or situations that are characterized by Rape Culture. Great Read.

Women Against Violence Against Women: Rape Crisis Centre; What Is Rape Culture

History of Rape Culture

Rape Culture is a term used by feminists back in the 70's. I defined in one of my previous blogs Be Awakened: The Cause For Women, feminism at its truest form is good and reflects the heart of God. Today not all feminists share the same view on rape culture. There are those who strongly disagree with songs, music videos, and the actions of people being labelled as Rape Culture as it conflicts with the freedom of expression and freedom of speech. You be the judge.

The Founder of the Young Woman of Power (YWOP), Alison develops programs that are designed to build girls confidence such as the YWOP PivotFWD workshop which she delivers in Calgary’s Youth Judicial System and a citywide Conference. Alison’s heart for young women is to see the statistics of violence against women decrease and to see females become counter culture/culturally dangerous by growing in true confidence. For more info or to book Alison as a speaker visit www.ywop.ca