The Importance of Planning and Execution

This past Tuesday night, I was the blessed to be an "accomplice" in my buddy Mike's marriage proposal to his girlfriend Jennifer.  It was an amazing and unforgettable night, in large part because Jenn had no idea that the proposal was coming and she was caught completely off-guard.

Thankfully, she said yes...haha.

Mike had been planning the proposal for the past two months, and in the last week in particular we exchanged a flurry of emails, texts, and phone calls as we finalized the details.  Our plan was quite elaborate and quite brilliant if I may say so myself...as was the execution.  The acting on the other hand....

It got me to thinking about the importance of planning and execution in youth ministry.  Now I admit that I'm the first one to say that youth ministry should be about people and not programs.  And that we shouldn't spend more time preparing skits and talks than hanging out with young people or praying for them.

But it's amazing how much a difference a well-planned night or event makes in the eyes of teens.  When a night flows well, when the transitions are smooth, and when the leaders seem to know what's coming up next, it adds to the overall positive experience for the participants.  In general, it will keep them more engaged and hopefully wanting to come back.

Granted, different youth leaders have different gifts.  Some youth leaders are more adept at "winging it" than others.  But "winging it" should really be the exception and not the norm.

Thus, I encourage you to spend a proper amount of time in reviewing details - big and small.  Skits need to be well-rehearsed (this isn't Whose Line is it Anyway?).  Same goes for teachings and testimonies.  Have youth leaders review the small group discussion questions before gathering into groups.  And don't forget about transitions between different facets - there is nothing worse than a bunch of "dead time" because you forgot to test the LCD projector or forgot to get into costume for the closing skit.

Sure, it's going to take more time and preparation.   But the young people are worth it.

Clayton Imoo is husband to Gail and father to sons Sean Isaiah and Jacob Isaac and daughter Kayla Marie.  He has served as the Director of the Office of Youth and Young Adult Ministry of the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Vancouver for the past ten years, helping parishes develop their own youth and young adult ministries.  When not doing ministry, Clay enjoys spending time with his family, playing music, playing sports, playing naptime, and writing blogs on topics such as family, faith, and the Vancouver Canucks.  Learn more about him at http://www.claytonimoo.com or follow him @claytonimoo     

Parents - Allies or Enemies?

This post is also featured on the Youth Cartel blog here.

When I first started out in youth ministry I thought my role was to be everything a teen's parents could never be in their life. I focused on being edgy, cool, hip and of course up to speed on pop culture.

Then something happened. I myself became a parent.

So what was my new role as a youth worker going to be now that I was parent myself? Did this eliminate my identity as a hip, cool and with-it youth pastor?

The truth is, being a parent has enhanced my ability to both pastor and parent. Neither of these roles are mutually exclusive, but somehow they have blended together to help me reshape how I lead families in the present and into the future. Here are three things that I'm learning about working with parents in ministry.

1. Parents aren't the enemy. We've all had negative interaction with parents I'm sure, but these experiences don't make parents bad people. Parenting is the most difficult job on the planet. Add into the mix the explorative tendencies teens possess, and you get an emotionally charged scenario 9 times out of 10. Parents are passionate about their kids, and sometimes their passion is mis-communicated as anger, rage or displeasure. Wise youth leaders find ways to disarm emotionally charged confrontations and turn them into win-win scenarios for all parties. Parents sometimes just need someone to listen...just like teens do. I wonder if we spent more time listening to the stories and needs of parents if we'd build greater partnerships with them?

2. Parents need to be loved & valued too. If you're constantly told that you aren't doing a good job, wouldn't you begin to believe it? Most teens (like most human beings) have no problem telling people when things aren't working well for them, but when it comes to sharing encouragement, they might struggle to do so. Consider your next upcoming parents gathering. Spend a few moments encouraging and inspiring parents instead of asking them to change something they do right away, you might find that they are more willing to consider your ideas once you've spent some time listening to them.

3. Parents want to belong & fit in. Often times parents feel isolated in their parenting struggles or wins with their kids. The family schedule is usually oriented around that activities of the children. Parents often sacrifice their own desires and needs for socialization for the sake of their child's development. Are your parent connection times more about information being given, or relationships between parents being built? The most powerful gift you can ever offer another human being is to help them see that they aren't alone in life. Parents long to belong and fit someplace...is your ministry to families a place where they can do that? 

What are you learning about working with parents? Post your ideas below!

Jason has lived in Calgary, Alberta Canada since 1995, and been a youth pastor since 2001. He is married to the love of his life, Bonny, and together they have three incredible children: Saydie, Cannon and Deklon. Jason possesses a desire to see youth, parents and families become who God created them to be through loving and living like Jesus. He currently serves on staff at Centre Street Church in Calgary. He loves hockey, playing guitar, writing and creating environments and opportunities where others can realize their potential in Jesus while experiencing the full life He promised to those who follow Him!

Girls Starving for Love: The Risks Defined by Disney (ATTENTION: MOVIE SPOILER)

I finally saw the new Disney animation Frozen. In many ways Frozen is like any other Disney movie. It has the perfect ingredients: the fearless princess, the epic journey, the risk of death, a touch of humor and of course, a love story. Everyone loves a good love story! Check out the Trailer.

Princess Anna is the younger of two girls. As children the two princesses Anna and Elsa, were very close but an accident involving Elsa’s secret powers separated them from the rest of the world and from each other. As a result the girls grew up in seclusion, Princess Elsa hid away in her room because she was afraid and ashamed of her powers while Princess Anna was left confused and alone thinking that Elsa had rejected her.

The younger sister Anna grew up hungry for relationship with her sister and social connection with the surrounding kingdom. One day the castle was opened up to the public. Princess Anna, desperate for love, falls for the first prince she meets whom is actually a predatory prince. This prince tries to take advantage of her desperate for love and affection; he wants to marry then kill her so he can be king. Has this stopped sounding like the perfect Disney story?

The emotionally-starved, desperate-for-love young woman sets the scene for a different, more sinister story happening not on movie screen but in our homes, schools and communities.

Today, the majority of North America’s girls are growing up in a climate that breed’s insecurity, loneliness and a dangerous desperation for love.

Pimps are taking advantage of our girls by grooming them for the purpose of sexual exploitation.

The relationship between a male pimp and his girl(s) is a complex one. The pimp will seek out vulnerable girls who are desperate for love and affection, just like our prince in the movie Frozen. After a girl is selected her future pimp will condition her through a complex process of manipulation, false love and feigned attraction. The pimp (or boyfriend in the mind of the girl) may shower the girl with gifts, physical/emotional affection and promises of a better future. This is the critical stage in establishing the long-term mind control over the girl. This will later pave the way for unquestioned obedience and submission allowing the pimp to coerce her into the sex industry.

Today, the majority of North America’s girls are growing up in a climate that breed’s insecurity, loneliness and a dangerous desperation for love.

Like the storyline of Disney’s Frozen, perhaps sex trafficking seems like a distant tale. Sadly, that couldn’t be further from the truth.  On a daily basis, young women are being forced into the sex industry by boyfriend figures that turn out to be pimps.

Do you know a young person who is vulnerable or perhaps you suspect a girl being recruited for the purposes of sex trafficking? Plan a movie night once Frozen comes out on DVD and use the story to speak to your girls around issues of starving for love.

In future blogs I will share with you for preventative measures, the specific signs and behaviours of a young girl being at risk of prostitution or other abusive relationships.

JANE GALBREATH

Jane is a theology graduate and social work student, living in Saskatchewan. She spends her summers leading international youth mission teams. She has is passionate about empowering young women to serve God particularly young women struggling with trauma and mental health issues. Jane has been a victim of sexual violence so she knows the heartache, shame, strength and courage it takes to face being a victim. Jane is a blogger and advocate for other females who have been victims of sexual violence because she knows that it is possible to not only survive but to come out the other side strong. After many years of healing Jane comes to you from that place! For more information and to visit Jane’s blog click here http://hopeforherblog.wordpress.com/about/

Context Matters in Youth Ministry

Confession: I'm an American.

I know, I know. You may be wondering, why is this guy writing for Canadian Youth Worker?

Because CYW is a group of awesome people who love youth ministry, and they graciously gave me a chance! I love youth ministry and I love Canada. As an American living and serving in Canada, I'm still learning a LOT about the value of new perspectives and how to adapt to my present context and setting.

Context matters.

1. Con-text: 

   Noun. the circumstances that form the setting for an event, statement, or idea, and in terms of which it can be fully understood and assessed.

The way I do ministry in my church--large, suburban, Mennonite Brethren, mostly white, British Columbia--is going to be different than the small Pentecostal church down the street, or the Catholic ministry in the next city, or the Chinese church plant in Vancouver, or the Baptist congregation in Winnipeg, or the YoungLife club in Toronto, or the mentoring program in Montreal. And that's okay. We have different contexts.

While there are principles and truths that transcend context, there is no one-size-fits-all philosophy for youth ministry. Yes, we're all called to make disciples. But how I make disciples might be different in my context than yours. Yes, we're all called to share the good news of Jesus. But how I share that good news works differently in different places. Yes, we all need to help young people know and understand God's Word. But how I go about introducing a teen to the beauty of Scripture might be different than how you do it.

How I do ministry depends on where I'm doing ministry. I'm going to have different conversations with the teens in the local high school who have never heard of Jesus apart from a swear word on TV, than the teens who grew up in the church in my youth group on a worship night. I'm going to be addressing different questions with the middle school boys who are just realizing they like girls, than with the young engaged couple in their early 20s who are navigating vocational and identity questions regarding their sexuality and future marriage.

We have to deeply know and understand our contexts--the church, school, neighbourhood, and city where we live and work and breathe. You live in a particular context. Where you live is no accident. Jesus has you there for a reason: to love your neighbours as yourself.

A few questions to ask about your context:

• What are the particular strengths, joys, and opportunities in your context?
• What are the particular trials, struggles, or obstacles in your context?
• What is the history of your context--your youth ministry program, your church, your city?
• What are the questions the teens in your area are asking and wrestling through?
• What are the five or six defining values of your context?
• What is God up to in your context? Where is He moving, and how can you get on board with Him?
• Who can I learn from in this present context? Which voices need to be heard? Which stories need to be told?

As a literal picture of context, look at the orange dots in the picture below. Which orange dot is bigger?

The right one looks bigger, doesn't it? Cover up the grey dots, and you'll find that they're the exact same size. It's all a matter of perspective and knowing the surrounding context.

Context matters. Become a student of your context.

Joel Mayward is a pastor, writer, husband, and father living in Langley, British Columbia. He’s been serving in youth ministry since 2003, and is currently the Pastor of Youth and Young Adult Ministries at North Langley Community Church. A writer for numerous youth ministry publications and author of Leading Up: Finding Influence in the Church Beyond Role and Experience, Joel writes about youth ministry, film, theology, and leadership at his blog, joelmayward.blogspot.ca.

Shutting Down Your Youth Ministry

Have you ever thought about doing this? I’m not talking about shutting it down, closing the doors and never opening them again. What I’m talking about is shutting down your youth ministry over Christmas break, march/spring break, easter weekend, or over the summer.

I’m seeing this more and more and as I speak to youth workers, this is not just denominational specific. This is

Design this, you have time to plan for your youth group.

happening right across denominational lines.

The reasons for this epidemic of shutting our youth ministry down are from paid  and volunteer youth workers:

• i don’t have the resources
• i’m not a paid youth worker
• i have a family
• i have vacation
• we are giving the kids a break
• we give pour volunteers a break
• most of our students go away at this time
• what's your reason?

My response:

• your kids don’t care about resources, they care about you in their life.
• you have not been a paid your worker the rest of the year.
• did you have a family the rest of the year?
• take your vacation. enjoy and rest. let someone else take the lead for the youth ministry.
• kids and youth workers take breaks all the time when they can’t make it out during the rest of the year.
• most of your students going away is not ALL. You need to get over the numbers game your playing and address this with God. It’s not about most but about one.

The one thing I know about youth workers, paid or volunteer, is that you are creative enough to over come obstacles. Just because the school calendar tells us that their is no school does not give us the right to say to our students that God has entrusted to us that their is no youth group scheduled.

There are many reason why youth workers honestly cancel youth group and here are three I have seen:

• insecurity
• control
• greed

Surprise your kids and church by not cancelling your youth group over break. Create a new plan and involve your students to help you accomplish it. They will surprise you, guaranteed! 

Pray and ask God:

Do what ever it takes in me

for your kingdom

for my freedom

so that others may see Jesus

What are you MOST passionate about?

Whatever you are most passionate about should be obvious to the people around you. The kids in your ministry and the leaders you work with should quickly be able to respond to this question with confidence: "What is your leader so passionate about that it bleeds through to everything in the ministry?"

Dave Brotherton

Dave Brotherton was a youth pastor from 1984-2006 and now teaches youth ministry at Ambrose University College in Calgary. Dave is also the National Youth Guy for the Alliance churches in Canada, the director of Legacy Youth Conference, and a junior high volunteer in his church. Dave is married to Lisa and they share 2 of the greatest kids in the world. Fishing, camping, and cheering on the Leafs are some of his favorite things. 
twitter: @oldbrotherdave

Gift giving - the lame love language

For those of you who's love language is gift giving, you hate me right now, don't you. I don't actually think gifts are a bad thing ....but... society has made it vile.

In our youth leadership team devo’s at work, we’re watching the Choose Justice video series:  http://churches.worldvision.ca/choose-justice-dvd-and-conversation-guide/. It features Tony Campolo and Shane Claiborne talking about various issues of social justice, and more importantly, Jesus justice.

The topic came up of gift giving. A few people on my team LOVE giving and receiving gifts, but not when it's expected of them - like what our holiday's have done. "It's the thought that counts" is what rings true, but when it's expected it robs the joy from the thoughtful giver.

And after all, if it wasn't for the gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh, the poverty stricken Joseph and Mary would have not been able to pay for the trip to Egypt to escape Herod's death sentence for Jesus.

A friend of mine from my West 49 days (not Christians per say) and her husband are good stewards. But her husband loves gifts, so he finds ways to do it frugally. I witnessed this one morning when my friend was unpacking the lunch her husband prepared for her, and on the outside of the egg shell he wrote "I love you" (not quite as artsy as the pic below, but you get the idea). How sweet right!

Next time you give a gift, think of a way you can do it without burning cash or precious resources. Cook a meal, write an egg note, or here's a few more ideas for girls AND dudes:

• http://www.artofmanliness.com/2013/12/06/20-diy-gifts-for-men-updated-for-2013/
• http://www.pinterest.com/ElvesInTheAttic/diy-inexpensive-gift-ideas/

About me: I live a pretty simple life... trying to love God and treat others as good as myself... I epically fail at this but mercifully God loves me anyway... different cultures inspire me... the outdoors is my passion... I'm pursuing my MDIV / Masters in Counselling at Tyndale... I spent 22+ years in the skate / snowboard / entertainment / marketing / retail industry at the executive level... led the charge at West 49/Billabong for 12 of them... I've worked in youth ministry leadership roles for more years then I can count.. after many moons in the corporate world I switched to the dark side and am currently the Manager of Youth & Student Campaigns at World Vision Canada... but more then anything I love giving my heart to mentoring and helping youth! #lovelife #dreambig #keepitreal #socialjustice #jesusjustice I/T @cindymielke facebook.com/cindymielke

Leaders who are Different

This post also appears on the Youth Cartel blog.

There is no “one-size fits all” approach to leadership. There is an abundance of examples of rich diversity in nature marked by the sheer volume of unique species of plants, animals, fish, rock or foliage. And as diverse as creation is, leaders too are developed through different gifts, personalities, abilities and styles.

Here are four types of different leaders I’ve had the privilege of serving with:

1. The reluctant leader – I wrote about this at length here. A reluctant leader is someone who believes that they could be or should be doing something else. There are countless biblical examples of this leadership type. For this conversation, however, let’s refine our thoughts to the person of Moses.

Moses didn’t want to lead the Israelites out of Egypt.  He didn’t want to carry the burden of leadership while wandering in the desert. Moses was called by God to lead even though he wanted to live into a different calling.

We sometimes will work with leaders like this. It’s important for us to affirm their calling, while encouraging them to engage emotionally in the leadership opportunity they’ve been given.

2. The timid leader – Gideon is a prime example of a timid leader. Timid leaders question both their calling and their ability, and yet timid leaders are often times the most powerful and profound leaders of an organization. They spend a great deal of effort connecting relationally with those whom they are charged with leading because they are willing to earn the right to lead through relational connection.

Timid leaders are catalysts for relational depth in your community.

3. The headstrong leader – These leaders are intense. They push through obstacles and often times run over people in the process. Peter was this kind of leader. At times their intensity can be misdiagnosed as arrogance. Headstrong leaders have a clear picture of where they are going and are determined to get there.

Headstrong leaders need boundaries or they will run over everything in their path. Be firm, remind them of vision and set them up to succeed by allowing them to help lead your organization and community forward.

4. Systematic leader – Systematic leaders choose their path wisely. They calculate the pros and cons of any given leadership situation and have often thought through a variety of different solutions to a problem while others may still be attempting to describe what they problem is. One biblical case study for this type of leader is Joshua. Joshua learned how to bring a vision to life by leading the people of Israel into the promised land.

Systematic leaders can help you make wise decisions that may bring a larger vision into focus and/or into reality over time.

The reality is that each of us is a blend of these different leadership types, but we may possess a natural tendency or dominance towards one or two of these profiles. Think about your team of leaders. Which ones fit into which profile? Are there other types of leaders you would add to this list? What type of leader are you, and how does this shape how you lead?

The Female Stare Also Known As The Scan

I know it’s tough for anyone to attend an event on his or her own but it is worst for that new girl who is visiting your youth ministry for the first time. This is why.

New girl enters stage right. The guys are standing center stage checking out girl, but for very different reasons. Guys will check out specific body parts such as boobs, butts and legs. Of course this is a generalization but there is truth in this. Stage Left there are three girls in your youth group huddled together discussing a youtube video they just watched. They then notice the new girl who entered stage right. What do they do? Check her out of course, but not like the guys, no the new girl will get the full body scan! It feels like you are going through security at an airport its thorough. After the female stare those girls in your youth group will know whether or not the new girl’s shoes match her belt, if there is a string hanging from the back of her skirt, if she is using some cheap mascara or Cover Girls Clump Crusher LashBlast!

I’m not even joking!  Females of all ages do it. If you are a female YOU’VE DONE IT & YOU’VE EXPERIENCED the wrath of the dreaded stare where females look each other up and down.

Why Do Girls Do That? 

Girls size each other up to see whether or not they measure up.

Girls are looking for the ‘chink in one’s armour’ searching for another’s flaws and vulnerabilities. These females are hyper aware of their own weaknesses which is the reason why they can easily look for it in others. It helps them feel better about themselves if they can find weaknesses in another. Girls size each other up to see whether or not they measure up. They compare themselves with each other, which is the main reasons why girls have a tough time getting along with one another. Many girls don’t realize that they are scanning their friends each day looking for flaws. Some girls will see the flaws while others see flawlessness, either way both of those views will reflect back on a girl being aware of her own weaknesses.

What Can You Do?

What is at the core of this problem? Females have a hard time seeing and knowing that they are wonderfully made. Girls need to spend more time identifying their strengths rather than their weaknesses. Help them see their beauty. This is where the full body scan someone can actually come in handy and be used for good. Have each girl write their name down on a cue card or a piece of paper and tape it to their back. Have the girls write down the beauty & strengths of the girl whose card they are looking at. This will help girls begin to see the beauty that others can see that they cannot, plus it is a great exercise that helps girl’s practice identifying and looking for the strength & beauty in others rather than their flaws.

The Founder of the Young Woman of Power (YWOP) Conference, Alison develops programs that are designed to build girls confidence such as the YWOP PivotFWD workshop which she delivers in Calgary’s Youth Judicial System. Alison’s heart for young women is to see the statistics of violence against women decrease and to see females become counter culture/culturally dangerous by growing in true confidence. For more info or to book Alison as a speaker visit www.ywop.ca