The Ice Breaker Part 3

This is the third part to one of the chapters in a book I'm pecking away at about how to put together youth ministry lessons that impact kids, but don't take you forever to write.  One of the sections is on writing an ice breaker, and this weeks post is the 3rd section of that chapter.

You can find part 1 and part 2 here.


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Guidelines to Follow

After a lot of trial and error, we ended up establishing a set of guidelines for the various parts of the lesson.  You do not have to follow these at all during your small group, but we’ve found them to be very helpful in the long run. 

Rules of engagement:

1)      You pick a student or leader to start answering the question. (This can be by volunteer/or by picking someone out randomly).

2)      Everyone must state their name before answering the question.  This allows kids who may be new to learn other people’s names and vice versa.  (It also helps Youth Leaders who are terrible at learning names to save face, not that I have ever had to do that.)

3)      A person can pass and is not required to answer the question; however they are required to say at least their name.

4)      Try and keep discussion on topic and allow whoever’s turn it is to speak.  Note: This can prove to be difficult at times, but after some experience you’ll learn a balance of sidetracking versus keeping on topic.

5)      If someone passes, give them a chance to answer at the end.

6)      Keep the questions light hearted, easy to answer and open ended.

Personality Types

Over the course of the year you will see and hear all types of answers.  From the truly mundane to weird sentences you never thought you would hear anyone say.  I have found that most people fall into a few categories based on how they answer the question.  This is just a humorous list, but it may give you some insight into the various types of youth you may run into.

·         The Silly One

o   Most of their answers will be things that are so crazy, unorthodox and off the wall that you’ll truly begin to wonder what goes on in their head.  What is your favorite color? “My favorite color is gamboge.”

·         The Copycat

o   This type of person will always copy another person’s answer no matter what.  Every week they go out of their way to be unoriginal.  In extreme cases they will even avoid answering the question by passing until someone else has answered.

·         The Early Bird

o   They love to make sure they are the first to answer.  Their main concern usually falls into two categories 1) They do not want someone else to “steal” their answer or 2) They just like the sound of their own voice and want to be heard.  Generally from my experience it is a combination of the two.

·         The Shy One

o   No matter how low the barrier of entry is they will usually just whisper their name and give a one word answer.  Although,  from my experience, even the shyest of people will at least say their name and their favorite dessert in public.  A quick recommendation is to try and pry a bit more of a story out of them with a small follow up question, as this might be the only time you hear their voice all night.

·         The Story Teller

o   This person likes to go into amazing detail about why broccoli is their most beloved vegetable and how it has such great restorative powers.  You’ll need to watch out as this person may end up stealing a majority of time you have allocated to this part of the evening.  As the opposite of the shy one, you’re going to want to learn how to shut them down when necessary so you can move on and hear from the rest of the group.

·         The Interrupter

o   This person tends to try and steal a good chunk of the conversation even when they are not the one speaking.  Some discussion should be encouraged and promoted, but try not to allow one person to dominate the entire discussion.  Work on feeling comfortable in putting this type of person in their place when needed.  If you don’t keep a tight lid on this type, they can take over and cause your introverts to go into their shell even more.

Criticism

This part of the evening is often criticized as generally being useless and non-spiritual.  On the surface it does not have any redeeming quality, and usually contains some silly humor or some other pointless drivel.  This criticism, although understandable, is completely unwarranted from my experience.  There was a kid, who I will call Ted, who used to come to my youth group for years.  For the longest time he would not participate in anything during a typical evening except for the Ice Breaker.  It even got to the point where if I had him pass out the lesson, he would purposefully sneak a peek at the question to give himself some extra time to come up with a good answer.  Slowly, as time passed, he continued to open up more to the group and made a lot of long lasting friendships.  I directly attribute having the Ice Breaker as the main reason he gained confidence speaking in front of others.  Through the process of answering some simple questions, he routinely gained small amounts of trust that formed a deep bond and connection with the group.