Leading Up - Peaches and Oranges

Criticism bites. As a leader in the church, criticism is an inevitable reality. No matter how much relational equity you build or how "successful" of a ministry you lead, somewhere along the line you won't make someone happy and they'll let you know you. So how do you handle the criticism when it comes? How do you survive the discouragement, the feelings of inadequacy, and the growing sense of anger or cynicism that can rear its head?

A mentor once told me a metaphor about two leadership postures people can hold when it comes to criticism: peaches and oranges.

Peaches are soft on the outside and hard on the inside. Peaches are warm and fuzzy on their exterior, perceived as sweet and tender. They like being around other peaches. Yet a peach bruises easily when criticized, and the wounds and hurts are quite evident to everyone around. Though the exterior is bruised, the inside of a peach is hard and cold and unmoving. Scripture labels this the "root of bitterness." This hardness might never appear on the outside, but it lingers as quiet grudges and dark insecurities.

Oranges are tough on the outside and soft on the inside. Oranges have a firm and confident exterior, still flexible and pliable, but assertive and unshaken when they experience the bumps and bruises of criticism. Oranges don't bruise easily. When criticized, oranges maintain a soft interior, with a posture of humility and grace for themselves and others. There isn't a hard heart or a root of bitterness on the inside. Oranges can bump up against others and maintain a sense of self-differentiation. Oranges must be careful to not roll over others heedlessly or appear to be hardened and immovable.

Ultimately, handling criticism in a healthy way means having a sense of humble confidence. he paradox of humble confidence. Humility comes from a realistic view of oneself in light of the grace given us in Christ. The word originates from the Latin "humus," meaning "earth, dirt." It is knowing and embracing the reality that we are dust. Connected with humility is a confidence in one's vocational calling and identity. A confident leader finds their identity in Christ, seeing themselves as a child of God, deeply loved and called to His mission. We're loved dust. This Christ-based identity allows His love to foster a confidence in Him, knowing we are created in His image and any gifts, strength, or opportunities we have are a demonstration of His grace in our lives. With humble confidence, a leader can handle any criticism that comes their way because the criticism doesn't define them or shatter their identity.

When it comes to criticism, which posture do you tend to maintain: a peach or an orange? Run with the metaphor: is there another fruit that best describes how you deal with criticism?

Joel Mayward is a pastor, writer, husband, and father living in Langley, British Columbia. He is the author of Leading Up: Finding Influence in the Church Beyond Role and Experience. Joel loves youth ministry, movies, the church, and theology, and he writes about all of it at his blog.