Dreaming or Innovating?

Photo used with permission

Have you ever had a dream that was so vivid it seemed as though it was reality? You know, the one where you wake up and think you can fly, or look good in a mullet?

There is a great fascination with humanity as it pertains to dreams. How many of us have been asked or even asked others what dreams they might have for their lives? Sometimes our dreams may include a preferred relationship, job opportunity, home, car, vacation or other things. At other times, the dreams that we have are more focused on seeing the Kingdom of God become a reality.

When I read the story of Joseph, I'm consistently reminder of the power that dreams can have in a person's life. But there is a distinct difference between dreaming and innovating that we as leaders need to be aware of.

1. Dreams aren't for everyone. In a conversation with a great friend of mine, Travis Wilkins, I was reminded that dreams aren't for everyone. Joseph was given an incredible dream by God...and he was excited. And when we as humans get excited, we want to share our excitement with others. As a young man, he believed that his brothers would share in his excitement...but the opposite was true. Joseph's brothers were frustrated with his dream, and plotted to eliminate their juvenile brother as a result.

So what's the point of this facet of the story? I believe it's to show us that dreams aren't for everyone. The excitement that we experience through the hope that dreams can bring should be shared, but not necessarily with everyone. I wonder if this story may have played out a little differently had Joseph found a person of peace, someone who believed in him and loved him, to be his confidant. 

Sometimes we unknowingly create enemies by sharing our dreams with people who aren't ready to hear them, or who really aren't people of peace in our lives. Dream your dreams, but take great care to find those who truly love you to share in them with you...a principle and model that Joseph demonstrated later on in his life.

2. Dreams without innovation may not really matter. Just like the dreams we have when we are flying, anything we think of but never work towards just doesn't matter. Some of us love to stay in the idea stage of leadership. We think about what could be or should be, but we rarely venture in the lab to begin experimenting or innovating with our dreams. Ever wonder why that is? 

I think that sometimes we let expectations, fear of failure or fear of the unknown limit our dreaming to a blue-sky stage instead of inspiring us to begin to innovate. Dream your dreams, but please find ways to experiment with bringing them into reality over time.

3. Dreams speak of hope, innovation lives it. Dreams are an invitation to hope. Innovation is an invitation to live it. Martin Luther King uttered the most famous line "I have a dream" when he spoke or racial equality. This dream was an invitation to hope, but it was brave souls like Rosa Parks and others who began to live into this new reality through innovation.

There's a line from one of my favourite movies, We Bought a Zoo, that I believe sums up this invitation culture the best - "sometimes you only need 20 seconds of insane courage to do something incredible." As leaders and parents we sometimes need to find these 20 seconds in our lives. And if we have the ability to begin to see different challenges that we face in light of 20 second courageous intervals, maybe the hope we so desire to experience and thrive in will actually become the reality in which we live.

Discuss this: What tendency do you lean towards as a leader, a dreamer or an innovator? If there is one thing you need insane courage for right now, what would it be?

Jason has lived in Calgary, Alberta Canada since 1995, and been a youth pastor since 2001. He is married to the love of his life, Bonny, and together they have three incredible children: Saydie, Cannon and Deklon. Jason possesses a desire to see youth, parents and families become who God created them to be through loving and living like Jesus. He currently serves on staff at Centre Street Church in Calgary. He loves hockey, playing guitar, writing and creating environments and opportunities where others can live into their potential in Jesus while experiencing the full life He promised to those who follow Him.

Girls Dating Older Men

I just heard on the news today about a teacher who was having an inappropriate relationship with a teenage girl. Why?? Why do girls date older men? Why do men date younger girls? This is an issue that needs attention as many teenage girls do not see dating an older man as a problem . How do you tackle this subject with your girls?

FIRST, WHY DO THEY DO IT?

1. (The simple answer) Boys their own age are immature. It’s true teenage girls mature faster their male counter parts. “The boys in my class are so immature!” If girls are interacting more frequently with males who are older such as male youth leaders, their older brother's friends this type of exposure makes girls much more aware of the chasm between their peers and older men. Not to mention the conversations boys have amongst themselves about the longest pee, or the crotch shot of the day can provoke and inspire girls to look up the age ladder.

2. When girls do not have a strong father figure in their life, there is a greater draw to older men. Many will deny it. Personally I thought it was a general statement I didn’t fully believe it until I hear stories from girls whose dad replaced them with another family. These girls are are dating men who are over 10 years older than them. There is something to that.

3. It’s a Love Story. The majority of girls are drawn to romance. To date an older man is a story out of the pages of a romance novel. It’s a rush. It’s attractive. I’ve watched girls giggle and fantasize about this older guy who is 19 who gave them his picture. While she shows it to her friends she feels pretty special plus her social status has increased. This older guy sees something in her. The whole idea is totally dreamy, imagine, sneaking around, the secrets, the lies, being in his car, the passion…yep, that makes for a juicy journal entry.

WHAT DO YOU DO?

Girls don’t know. They are living in dream world in their mind. Bring them back to reality with the following thought provoking questions and facts.  

Q. What does an older man have in common with a young teenage girl? (Let them answer but your response will be…) NOTHING!!!

Can the two connect on an intellectual level?  What about on an emotional level?  If he is 28 and she is 15. THEY SHOULDN’T BE ABLE TO CONNECT. If they can, then he is not intellectually and emotionally all there, something is wrong. If something is wrong with him, then girl is dating a guy who is mentally not well or emotionally unstable. Reality check, that’s not Romantic!

Q. Oh wait but what if he is mentally and emotionally sound, he’s in University getting a degree, then what? My next questions would be, “Are you having sex with him?”

If they’ve been together for beyond 6 months and they have not had sex. Then I recant; he could be the exception to the rule unless he’s a pimp grooming her… to pay his way through school? That’s messed up but who knows? Listen to her story to find out. However, if they are having sex, please tell your young miss, that the first principle still applies, older man have nothing in common with a young teenage girl. This University guy is not with her for her brains he’s there for one reason. Easy sex.

FACT: The Moment A Girl Is Dating An Older Man She Is Now Out Of Her League And Over Her Head. He Knows Too Much Which Makes Her Very Vulnerable And Susceptible To Manipulation.

Youth Pastor teen girls don’t realize that because an older guy has more life experiences, he knows what makes a girl swoon or melt in his hands. He can use this knowledge to his advantage.

For example: Guys know that if they blow on a girl’s neck at a certain spot, she relaxes. They know what words and look to use to get a girl to forgive him or kiss him. Guys know that when a girl is playing with her hair it means she likes him. Experienced guys know that if a girl smokes pot she will become more sexually active. That’s right she loosens up letting her guard down. Older guys know how to manipulate the emotions of a naïve female. It’s not as easy with their own peers but a girl who is 10 years younger than him or a 16 year old dating an 18-year-old guy…Easy.

FACT: He Can Be Charged. 

Guys need to know this too. The consequences of dating an underage girl are severe!! The penalties can include the following:

·      Imprisonment

·      A criminal record

·      No longer able to volunteer with minors. That includes camp, coaching a sports team,

·      Limits his job choice.  Cannot be involved in any social work, or be a teacher, law enforcement to name a few due to the vulnerable check that reveals any accusations brought forth.

·      Cannot be a foster parent or adopt a child

·      Will not be able to cross the border internationally

·      If any of their conversations online were of a sexual nature, He will not be able to have access to the Internet unsupervised. That means he may have to quit his job if it involves a computer and the Internet.

·      If he has a child who is a minor he cannot be left alone with his own child unsupervised.

This is not a game or a romance novel. Girls need to know that this is real life and in dating an older man she can really mess up his life and her own life! Your young men need to be aware that even if the underage girl aggressively pursued him, if she is a minor, no charges will be laid on her but he will feel the full wrath of the law.  

If your girls feel that guys their own age are too immature, encourage them to not date but to wait till they have grown up a bit.  Encourage them, have some of your leaders testify of their growing up. Girls need to spend time discovering who they are rather than trying to figure out what their boyfriend is thinking. The teen years are for that. Also Girls who date older men bypass their teen years. They are forced to grow up quickly as they have to act mature when they are around him and his peers. Older men who are sexually active have more complex needs and requests that no teen girl ought to be positioned in.  I tell girls, ‘Sex complicates things. Keep it simple. You are a teen for 7 years after that you’ll have the rest of your life to date men over 20.’

*Before having this talk with girls, I recommend being informed about The Age of Consent. Is it alright for a 13 year old to have sex with a 15 year old? The link has a diagram with the answer to that question.

The Founder of the Young Woman of Power (YWOP) Conference, Alison develops programs that are designed to build girls confidence such as the YWOP PivotFWD workshop which she delivers in Calgary’s Youth Judicial System. Alison’s heart for young women is to see the statistics of violence against women decrease and to see females become counter culture/culturally dangerous by growing in true confidence. For more info or to book Alison as a speaker visit www.ywop.ca 

3 Key Elements for Young Adults Ministry

For the past year, my church has been taking a deep look at the way we do ministry to young adults. Helping young adults connect with the church body is an ongoing dilemma, one that doesn't have easy answers. With the onset of emerging adulthood, young adults ministry is strongly connected to youth ministry, yet has to remain distinct if we want to see emerging adults fully transition into adulthood.

The present solution I've seen for many churches is, "create a really attractive college group program." This draws in plenty of young adults from all around, who are thirsty for a place to gather and belong. Yet after many of these programs explode in numbers, they begin to dissipate as the young adults in the program get older and feel like they don't fit with all the incoming college students. Essentially, these programs only delayed the drop-off that occurs post-high school by a few years; the young adults were still connected to a program, not a community of believers as the church.

In this season of questioning and dreaming and evaluating and praying, I'm hoping that we can create a church culture--not just a college program--that allows for young adults to grow and thrive in their spiritual journey. Beyond a program or a college group gathering, I've tried to boil it down to what young adults really need. I don't have all the answers, but here's what I've got so far:

Three elements every young adult needs in a church:

1. Mentoring: Every young adult needs a sounding-board and spiritual guide. Mentors are wise and Christ-following adults who meet young adults where they're at and walk with them further towards the person of Jesus. This requires pacing-then-leading, being with and for a young adult.

2. Community: Every young adult needs a sense of belonging and connection with peers. Community is best found in smaller groups, where a young adult can connect in a deeper way with people who are striving to love, learn from, and become like Jesus. Finding community requires fostering environments of belonging for young adults, both in the church services and in small group contexts.

3. Serving: Every young adult needs to steward their gifts for kingdom purposes. Serving requires getting our hands dirty and entering into the mess of life with a team of other people; whether in the walls of a church building or out in our neighbourhoods, serving others is vital to putting faith into practice for young adults.

If every emerging adult in the church had an older mentor discipling them, was connected to a group of Jesus-following friends, and had a place to actively serve others, I'd count that as success. 

Which element resonates with you most? What would you change or add to the list?

(This post originally appeared at The Mayward Blog.)

Joel Mayward is a pastor, writer, husband, and father living in Langley, British Columbia. He’s been serving in youth ministry since 2003, and is currently the Pastor of Youth and Young Adult Ministries at North Langley Community Church. A writer for numerous youth ministry publications and author of Leading Up: Finding Influence in the Church Beyond Role and Experience, Joel writes about youth ministry, film, theology, and leadership at his blog, joelmayward.blogspot.ca.

The History of Saint Patrick - a Short Story

Please Host & Join the Syria Prayer Vigil: TODAY: March 16

Will you join us in praying for the children of Syria? 


Syria is entering a fourth year of conflict... a conflict that has split a nation, resulted in violence on a massive scale, and forced millions of children out of their homes. Please gather your youth and church and join us March 14-16 in praying that the children of Syria don't lose another year to bloodshed and suffering.

Why now?

• 9.3 million people in Syria and 2.5 million Syrian refugees need urgent humanitarian help
• More than 1 million children have had to flee their homes and their country, and now suffer as refugees in an unfamiliar environment.
• Children are impoverished and lacking education. Many are forced into unsafe situations—including dangerous work—and are reeling from the violence they’ve witnessed.

How to hold a prayer vigil?
Here are some resources to help you mobilize a group, including a leader's guide, story cards, prayer bulletins, and more. Download them at http://bit.ly/prayforsyria

#NoLostGeneration #ChildrenofSyria #WithSyria 

About me: I live a pretty simple life... trying to love God and treat others as good as myself... I epically fail at this but mercifully God loves me anyway... different cultures inspire me... the outdoors is my passion... I'm pursuing my MDIV / Masters in Counselling at Tyndale... I spent 22+ years in the skate / snowboard / entertainment / marketing / retail industry at the executive level... led the charge at West 49/Billabong for 12 of them... I've worked in youth ministry leadership roles for more years then I can count.. after many moons in the corporate world I switched to the dark side and am currently the Manager of Youth & Student Campaigns at World Vision Canada... but more then anything I love giving my heart to mentoring and helping youth! #lovelife #dreambig #keepitreal #socialjustice #jesusjustice I/T @cindymielke  facebook.com/cindymielke

Anticipation of God's Work -vs- My Stress About Things Going Right

 At my age, it's not very often anymore, that I sleep on the floor at a weekend with kids.

It's Legacy Youth Conference at Ambrose University College (where I teach). As director of this weekend, I've got 700 kids, pastors, sponsors and and 280 Ambrose student volunteers on campus
and I'm sitting in my office at 7am on a Saturday morning thinking through the day.

The anticipation of God doing something significant is in the air. The excitement and energy last evening was fantastic.... everybody is cranked about today, and what God is going to do in the lives of kids. BUT, somehow, my anticipation is tempered with the stress and worry that things will actually work and plans will not fall flat. We are counting on almost 300 volunteers to show up and step up. We are counting on the weeks of organizing to pay off resulting in the day's schedule unfolding flawlessly. We are ready; but desperate for God to carry it.

As leaders, we've all been in that place to some degree or another. We create and lead big events all the time. We have lots of stories of success and just as many stories of disaster.

Here are some of the things that I have learned after living through this kind of ministry for 30 years:

• exhaustive advanced planning is crucial
• communicate, communicate, communicate... every volunteer and every chaperone needs to have the same picture in their head as I do
• bathe in prayer from start to finish
• stick to the plan  - have confidence in your plans
• be prepared for anything - expect the enemy to show up 
• rely on your team - if they are prepared, trained and understand well, LET THEM DO IT
• support, encourage and gush on your team of leaders the whole way through
• troubleshoot and creatively correct quickly
• slow down and enjoy it - like a bride at her wedding, stressed and anxious, she needs to step back, slow down and really enjoy her big day
• remain in a position of absolute dependance on God
• like a surfer, watch for the perfect waves from the Holy Spirit and be prepared to "catch the right waves" (not every wave that comes in), allowing God to usurp my plan.
• don't manipulate people towards responding to God
• debrief with volunteers to troubleshoot, but more importantly, to celebrate what God IS doing

Today is a big day for me and the 1000 people here. I go into it with a ton of anticipation and asking God to be aggressive in doing his work in hearts.
We are ready.
I am desperate for God to do His thing... but I'm still afraid of relying on so many volunteering people.....  and I'm tired and sore from sleeping on the floor....

 
 Dave Brotherton was a youth pastor from 1984-2006 and now teaches youth ministry at Ambrose University College in Calgary. Dave is also the National Youth Guy for the Alliance churches in Canada, the director of Legacy Youth Conference, and a junior high volunteer in his church. Dave is married to Lisa and they share 2 of the greatest kids in the world. Fishing, camping, and cheering on the Leafs are some of his favorite things. 
twitter: @oldbrotherdave

Top 10 Rejected Names for a Youth Reconcilation Service

As I look forward to FREEDOM (the annual reconciliation event for youth and young adults for the Archdiocese of Vancouver) tonight, I proudly present to you the Top 10 Rejected Names for the event:

10. Somebody gonna get hurt a-real bad
9. March Badness
8. High School Confessional
7. Sin There, Done That
6. “Oh No,you dinnnnnnnt!”
5. So You Think You Can Sin?
4. The Biggest Loser
3. Come and Tell or Go to Hell
2. Amazing Disgrace
1. Go Ahead, Make My Day 

Honourable mentions include
-Hell’s Kitchen
-Can You Top This?
-Learn Not to Burn
-"You Did WHATTTTT?”
-Confess your Mess
-Shock the Priest

Clayton Imoo is husband to Gail and father to sons Sean Isaiah and Jacob Isaac and daughter Kayla Marie.  He has served as the Director of the Office of Youth and Young Adult Ministry of the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Vancouver for the past ten years, helping parishes develop their own youth and young adult ministries.  When not doing ministry, Clay enjoys spending time with his family, playing music, playing sports, playing naptime, and writing blogs on topics such as family, faith, and the Vancouver Canucks.  Learn more about him at http://www.claytonimoo.com or follow him @claytonimoo