Leading a Small Group - The Ice Breaker

I've been slowly pecking away at a e-book about how to put together small youth group lessons quickly that will work well in almost any context.  One of the chapters I have finished is about how to effectively write good Ice Breakers.  Over the next couple weeks while I continue to finish up that book I will post some of the parts of the Ice Breaker Chapter here for you guys.  I would love to get feedback from you guys on what you like/dislike about the content.  I'm always looking to improve it.

The Ice Breaker

What was your favorite toy as a child?

One of the hardest things to do as a youth pastor is to really connect with kids.  This statement appears to be truer now in a world where everyone appears to be connected more than ever.  Youth spend a majority of their lives putting up barriers, walls and masks to cover their struggles, worries and fears.  Starting off your small group with some light hearted structured conversation can be a perfect kick starter to a great evening.  Over the course of this chapter I will cover the basics of what kinds of questions to ask, which type you want to stay away from, and some tips and tricks on how you can repurpose the opening discussion as a gateway into learning more about the people in your group.

So what is your favorite toy?  

When I was five years old I saved up my allowance for six months.  To a five year old that is forever.  The toy was THE Optimus Prime Transformer, which now goes on eBay for over $500 in poor condition.  I can still to this very day remember where on the shelf it was in the department store the day I bought it.  It ended up being everything I had dreamed about and more.  I played with that toy for hours recreating the many scenes from the TV show in my room.  He-man would make guest appearances while the Autobots would be defending the Ninja Turtles from the Decepticons and Optimus would be leading the charge.

Do you have a similar story that stirs emotion and memories from your childhood? Often times in life we do not take time to remember or cherish memories because life is moving too fast and we are always waiting to get to the next great thing.  One of the benefits of the ice breaker is that it forces us to reflect on old stories we may have forgotten about, or lost lessons that need refreshing. 
The primary reason the Ice Breaker exists is to lower the barrier of entry to the evening’s discussion for everyone involved.  While on the surface these questions often appear to be silly or rather pointless, they are extremely important in helping to lower the walls that we all continually put up.  One of my favorite aspects of the ice breakers are the amazing laughs that can be shared and the quick insight you can gain on how a youth thinks.

A common sentiment I keep hearing repeated is that people find it difficult to purposefully connect with youth.  They might not understand the music or the latest trends in youth culture, and that feeling can be overwhelming at first.  Something that the Ice Breaker can provide is a window into the lives of your youth.  Sometimes a simple answer to “What is your favorite ice cream?” will open a door for you to treat the youth at a later date and allow for conversations to occur that might not have otherwise. 

Ryan Filsinger is a husband, father, hockey lover, video game producer and aspiring social architect.  He has been in part time youth ministry for the last six years in Charlottetown, PEI.  You can find him on twitter @rfilsinger or read his rarely updated blog at www.filsinger.org