Leadership Posture and Tone

Photo Credit: texasgurl (Creative Commons)

If you have a piano, take a minute and pick out two keys, one black and one white directly adjacent to each other. Pound on those keys as loudly and quickly as possible. You'll probably give yourself a headache from the painful sound emitting from the keyboard. You've just created auditory tension. 

Now, keep one finger placed on a white key, then shift the other to the key exactly one octave higher. The harmonious sound will ring true in your ears (as long as the piano is in tune!). This has been a basic lesson in tone and harmony, and there's a ministry leadership lesson to be learned in this:

How I speak matters as much as what I speak. McLuhan put it this way: the medium is the message. 

Colossians 4 puts it another way: 

Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. 

My communication should be wise, patient, and full of grace and empathy. 2 Timothy 4 speaks of correcting, rebuking, and encouraging with great patience and careful instruction. (Key phrase: with great patience.) James 1 tells us to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.

If what I am saying to you is 100% true and beneficial for you, but my tone and posture are ones of judgment, condemnation, or self-centered frustration, then I am adding the static of arrogance to my message. I come across as quick to speak and anger, while forgetting the patience required for listening and being present. On the other hand, if my posture and tone are gracious and gentle, yet I cannot speak without conviction or truth, then perhaps my message isn't worth hearing in the first place.

Think about how you're communicating with fellow leaders in your church / ministry / team. Tone matters. If the medium is the message, then how we approach a fellow leader in our communication is just as important as the information we're sharing. A sarcastic, whiny, or passive-aggressive vocal tone is creating unnecessary relational withdrawals. Leaders of organizations don't need whiners; they need people who can communicate the truth in a humble-yet-confident manner. Communicate verbally with a tone of grace and clarity, finding a healthy balance between boldness and subtlety.

Healthy communication also includes physical presence. Slouching in staff meetings, walking brusquely by offices without greeting, or avoiding eye contact all send a negative message. If I'm chatting with someone and they've positioned their body away from me, looking like they want to leave at any moment, I'm less apt to share with them. Shift your emotional state by shifting your physical state. Being physically and mentally present with fellow leaders fosters trust and healthier communication.

Ask yourself: what messages am I sending through my tone and posture? Even if the content of your message is filled with grace and love, your tone and posture might be communicating something entirely different.

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B.C. Youth Workers: Open Vancouver is coming to Trinity Western University on September 26-27. Check out the Open manifesto, send a proposal to be a presenter, and contact the organizing team with any questions!