Intentionally Connecting With More Than The Kids

Sitting in the Senior Pastor's chair, I getting a new perspective on the importance of cross-generational connections. Youth workers can find it pretty easy to spend all their time and energy with the kids. After all, that's what the role is, right? Spending intentional relational time with the adults (even sr. adults) in your church or organization makes all the difference in the world. Let me look at just two if these as examples....

 Parents of teens
How important is it to spend quality connection time with the parents? I hope that this is obvious! I didn't even begin to think about this until I was about 40 years old and still a youth pastor. At this point, the parents of the kids I was working with were all my age - and my friends. After 40, the ministry with parents became easy. I started to see that connecting with, supporting, networking, and communicating with the parents is absolutely crucial to my effectiveness with kids.  It really had a multiplying effect on my effectiveness.
Parents need to trust you. As they see your heart, understand you, and your vision, they will be far more likely to support your programs and invite your influence into the lives of their kids. Parents need to see you as "on their side" as they raise their families. You are not raising their kids, nor are we responsible to! Parents need to feel that you are on their team! 
Intentionally hang out with the parents, share your heart and vision, tell them what you see in their kids, describe the spiritual direction/jouirney that you are taking their kid on, listen to their heart, understand their family dynamics, hear about the kid from the parents perspective! Have fun with them and get to know them as people and as friends. This will pay huge dividends in ministry effectiveness.
We would all agree that it really is the parents responsiblity to raise, teach, and train their own families in the ways of Christ. Work to set the family up to be successful in that. As long as I avoid parents, I am stealing it away for myself and potentially undercutting the overall fruitfulness.
Ideas? Constant/regular parents meetings for communication and prayer. Communicate clear avenues to hear complaints and suggestions. When you visit a kids home, don't just disappear downstairs with the kid - spend intentional, pre-thought-through time with the parents too. Try parent/teacher interviews just like the schools do - work together in developing kids, ask about how their kid learns and reacts, talk about the progress you see in the kid's life. Make short videos where you can share your vision and your heart or just communicate purpose and reasons... and post them for parents to access - you can do this often! 

Seniors/retirees
Churches are famous for poor communication with and little relationship between the youth groups and the older folks. This really makes no sense to me. The best way to keep these folks happy, keep them praying and supporting your ministry to to open a constant conduit of information. These folks need to hear that God is at work! They want to see life transformation, vibrancy and growth. Often their complaints or suggestions come from the simple longing for evidence of the Spirit's moving.
We know that kids are coming to Christ and lives are being transformed, we see if day to day. Then we hear complaints about the noise, the mess, the drums and get suggestions that we should be doing what they did 40 years ago - - -  I'll bet that most of those comments come from the simple fact that they don't see any evidence of God's transforming power in the church!!! They long for this! Tell them! Share it regularly! Be intentional in communicating with these folks. Get them excited that God is alive and active and that the youth ministry is expereincing God and lives are changed. Chances are, if they know that God is at work, we will get less criticism and more support - they might not like the music, but they will beam with enthusiasm because they see God's hand at work.
Relationship is this is critical. Communication in this is critical.
Ideas? Create some events where the youth and the seniors can be together and have fun. Go to their bible studies and prayer times, drop in on the quilting meeting... share the stories of successes. Put names to the faces and the prayers. Make some of them "greeters" (like walmart) at youth events and have them stay to pray.

Two examples of many needed relationships.

Get my drift? As a senior pastor, I get a different view of the congregation. I want to see people on the same page. I want to see the different generations working with and for each other.
I'm not interested in the different ministries functioning as islands in the church.
I want my youth workers to be loved, supported, and gushed on by the rest of my church. I want to see God at work in people's lives - and I want everyone in the church to hear it, recognize it, and expereince it.

Youth Workers, spend intentional thought and time in building relationships, pouring into, communicating, and exciting the rest of the church. You will see the result - you will like the result.

dave

 

Dave Brotherton now lives in Sauble Beach, Ontario and is the Lead Pastor of Sauble Christian Fellowship. Dave was a youth pastor for 20+ years, taught youth ministry at Ambrose University in Calgary for 8 years, and was the National Youth Director for the Alliance Churches in Canada since 1999. Now Dave leads a church and speaks into youth ministry from the Senior Pastor's perspective.

Making Presumptions

My much-anticipated catch-up session with a youth minister got off to an auspicious start.  Upon entering my favourite Japanese restaurant, I told the owner that I would need a table for two.  As one of the waiters led me to a table, a woman who I didn’t know entered the restaurant immediately after me.  Somehow, the waiter thought that the woman was with me (my wife wouldn’t have been too happy) and somehow the woman remarkably didn’t see me sit in the booth first.  Once she sat down she finally looked at me across the table.  Slightly embarrassed, she gasped “Oh sorry...I thought that he was seating ME.”  She quickly made her way to another table as I tried to stifle my laughter.

An honest mistake to be sure.  And in retrospect I don’t blame her for wanting to sit with me.  Kidding.  Sort of.

But her innocent presumption got me thinking of the many times we make presumptions in youth ministry.  And as in this case, they often turn out wrong.

1.  Presuming what youth will like.  How often do we think that we know what the youth need?  I’ve been part of teams and planning processes where we jumped right into scheduling topics, nights and themes without even doing a proper needs assessment (formal or informal).  It’s important to balance what you might think the teens need with what they tell you they’d like to see.  Usually, the final result will fall somewhere in between the two.   

2.  Presuming what youth will be like.  We’ve all learned to not to judge a book by its cover.  But it’s amazing how often we still do that in youth ministry.  In our fast-paced world, a first impression may become the only impression.  Thus, it takes discipline not to form a bias or opinion of a young person solely on how he looks, how he talks, or how he shakes your hand.  It’s simply unfair if we do.  We need to take the proper time to forge a healthy relationship with teens.  Which leads me to my next point. 

3.  Presuming you’ve earned the right to be heard.  I’ve written before about the importance ofearning the right to be heard.  When possible, we need to build genuine relationships with young people before we attempt to evangelize or catechize them.  Because they won’t care how much we know until they know how much we care.

4.  Presuming that if it worked before it will work again.  When we repeat and recycle processes we can get complacent.  Thus, an “if it ain’t broke then don’t fix it” mentality can become very dangerous in ministry.  While it might mean that things are comfortable for you, in reality it can lead you to grow complacent.  Eventually, this attitude will stifle creativity, discourage risk-taking, and prohibit growth.

5.  Presuming that your pastor knows what you are doing.  This is not at all a comment on your pastor’s intelligence; rather a comment on your communication with him.  Do you give him and parish leadership regular updates?  Does he know the wonderful things you are doing?  Does he know where you need support?  And do you know his expectations of you and the youth ministry?  If you can’t answer “Yes” to all of these questions, then you need to rethink your communication strategy with him.

6.  Presuming that the parents know what you are doing.  Ensure that your youth ministry is more than a glorified babysitting service.  For the most part, parents are grateful for what we are doing as youth ministers and therefore don’t necessarily need to know every detail of every gathering.  However, regular correspondence with the parents will go a long way towards earning their trust.  It could be in the form of face-to-face meetings, emails, phone calls, newsletters, or a regular place in the church bulletin.  The parents will be more apt to support us and our ministry if they are kept in the loop.

So what presumptions do you make in your youth ministry?

Asking yourself this tough question will give you a decent indication of how well you are doing.  We certainly don’t want to get caught making too many presumptions.  Or for that matter...any assumptions either.

Because we all know what happens when you assume.

Clayton Imoo is husband to Gail and father to sons Sean Isaiah and Jacob Isaac and daughter Kayla Marie.  He has served as the Director of the Office of Youth and Young Adult Ministry of the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Vancouver for the past ten years, helping parishes develop their own youth and young adult ministries.  When not doing ministry, Clay enjoys spending time with his family, playing music, playing sports, playing naptime, and writing blogs on topics such as family, faith, and the Vancouver Canucks.  Learn more about him at http://www.claytonimoo.com or follow him @claytonimoo

Leadership Posture and Tone

Photo Credit: texasgurl (Creative Commons)

If you have a piano, take a minute and pick out two keys, one black and one white directly adjacent to each other. Pound on those keys as loudly and quickly as possible. You'll probably give yourself a headache from the painful sound emitting from the keyboard. You've just created auditory tension. 

Now, keep one finger placed on a white key, then shift the other to the key exactly one octave higher. The harmonious sound will ring true in your ears (as long as the piano is in tune!). This has been a basic lesson in tone and harmony, and there's a ministry leadership lesson to be learned in this:

How I speak matters as much as what I speak. McLuhan put it this way: the medium is the message. 

Colossians 4 puts it another way: 

Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. 

My communication should be wise, patient, and full of grace and empathy. 2 Timothy 4 speaks of correcting, rebuking, and encouraging with great patience and careful instruction. (Key phrase: with great patience.) James 1 tells us to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.

If what I am saying to you is 100% true and beneficial for you, but my tone and posture are ones of judgment, condemnation, or self-centered frustration, then I am adding the static of arrogance to my message. I come across as quick to speak and anger, while forgetting the patience required for listening and being present. On the other hand, if my posture and tone are gracious and gentle, yet I cannot speak without conviction or truth, then perhaps my message isn't worth hearing in the first place.

Think about how you're communicating with fellow leaders in your church / ministry / team. Tone matters. If the medium is the message, then how we approach a fellow leader in our communication is just as important as the information we're sharing. A sarcastic, whiny, or passive-aggressive vocal tone is creating unnecessary relational withdrawals. Leaders of organizations don't need whiners; they need people who can communicate the truth in a humble-yet-confident manner. Communicate verbally with a tone of grace and clarity, finding a healthy balance between boldness and subtlety.

Healthy communication also includes physical presence. Slouching in staff meetings, walking brusquely by offices without greeting, or avoiding eye contact all send a negative message. If I'm chatting with someone and they've positioned their body away from me, looking like they want to leave at any moment, I'm less apt to share with them. Shift your emotional state by shifting your physical state. Being physically and mentally present with fellow leaders fosters trust and healthier communication.

Ask yourself: what messages am I sending through my tone and posture? Even if the content of your message is filled with grace and love, your tone and posture might be communicating something entirely different.

--

B.C. Youth Workers: Open Vancouver is coming to Trinity Western University on September 26-27. Check out the Open manifesto, send a proposal to be a presenter, and contact the organizing team with any questions!

Parent Ministry

Let me be honest, parent ministry was not on my radar as a youth worker. It might be on a whiteboard in my office or a notebook as a dream or something that would be a good idea if I had time but I never have time or energy for it. I have good intentions for a parent ministry. Until I make parent ministry an intentional priority, I will always have good intentions about it.

Here is why parent ministry is such a struggle for me:

it's holistic
i move from focusing on a student to an adult(s) and their family dynamics.

the adult me
i need to be an adult when i speak to other adults. i need to face real world adult problems if i get involved in their lives.

extra help
i would potentially get extra help in resources for youth ministry. (parent drivers, event volunteers, material resources, extra help...) why would I ever want that!

communication
i need to build relationships with parents, not just inform them about upcoming youth events by updated Facebook or sending out tweets or an email.

what ideas, tips or resources have worked for you in your parent ministry?

Jeff Smyth

Building The Temple (1 Chronicles 22)

Have a quick look at 1 Chronicles 22 through 2 Chronicles 5.

David had a dream. He was crazy passionate about building a temple for God. To say that he was 'driven by this dream' is an understatement. 

If you thumb through 1 Chronicles 22, you'll see that David not only stockpiled his own resources, but he collected from his leaders and then went to the people. In the end, the pile of materials was mind bending. About 8,100,000 lbs of gold; 76,750,000 lbs of silver; 1,350,000 lbs of bronze; 8,000,000 lbs of iron. Putting this into today's economy, 8 million lbs of gold (at 16oz per pound) x 16 ounces x $1000/ounce = over $129 billion in gold alone.

               

      HOW PASSIONATE WAS DAVID ABOUT THIS CAUSE?

Flip over to chapter 28:9,10,11,12,14,15,19.  David knows he's not the one God is using to build the temple. We have a brilliant description of his hand-off to Solomon. What is involved in this??

• David clearly (painstakingly) communicates his vision
• David puts the expectations way high
• David preps by stockpiling resources
• David communicates his vision again
• Detailed instructions so Solomon could carry it out meticulously - has the plans for the cups and candle holders.... And it is all written out!
• 2Chronicles5:13b,14.   Cloud filled the temple - so thick that the priests couldn't do their work.

So, here's my challenge for you...

 

What if we approached our youth ministry with the zeal, vigor, intentionality, resources, people, communication, vision, and passion that David approached the building of the temple? We sing about dancing like David (naked... cool) but David exhibited 130 billion times more passion for the building of the temple!!!  What if we sang: "build the temple like David built the temple"....   

Here's my point...

 

Zip over to 1 Corinthians 6:19. You are the temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you.

David stopped at nothing to build a dwelling place for God on earth. He insanely prepared ahead of time, he collected the best of the best resources, he poured out his highest passion, he drove this with clear intentionality, crazy attention to detail,  months, maybe years of dreaming and communicating with great detail to those that would be overseeing and doing the work... he focused on setting them up for success. This would be the BEST. This was going to be the most spectacular thing ever built.

 

How is my passion for building the New Testament temple? The New testament dwelling place for God on earth ? How is your passion for the cause? This cause makes the popular causes in our world look bland and colourless. David's intentionality in planning and preparation, his attention to detail and his crazy passion to this puts us into perspective.

Build the temple. The most spectacular thing ever built.

  dave

Dave Brotherton was a youth pastor from 1984-2006 and now teaches youth ministry at Ambrose University College in Calgary. Dave is also the National Youth Guy for the Alliance churches in Canada, the director of Legacy Youth Conference, and a junior high volunteer in his church. Dave is married to Lisa and they share 2 of the greatest kids in the world. Fishing, camping, and cheering on the Leafs are some of his favorite things. 
twitter: @oldbrotherdave

Getting on the Same Page: Working with Your Pastor

Clay with his pastor Msgr. Luterbach

This past Saturday at our quarterly youth ministry training day, I co-presented a workshop with a good friend of mine Monsignor Gregory Smith.  The topic was working with your pastor.

After sharing some insights after going through four different youth ministry coordinators in the past 4 years, Msgr. Smith outlined five key things he learned during this time:

1. Trust in the Holy Spirit to provide for our needs
2. Use the networks you have
3. Look beyond the diocese
4. Build relationships quickly
5. Empower people and use the power you have 

I followed up with two pieces of advice as well:
 

1. Communication is key
2. Clarify expectations

With respect to communication, good communication will help to build trust.  As a youth ministry coordinator, it’s vital that you keep your pastor in the loop. It could be via regular face-to-face meetings or periodic written reports.  The important thing is to make the effort even if you feel that it’s not being reciprocated.  Especially when it comes to evaluation: you simply can’t use the excuse of “well I didn’t know that’s what you wanted from me”.  That points to a communication failure; one that you could have avoided.

I firmly believe that having unclear expectations is the biggest source of conflict in ministry, at work, and in family life.  It’s important to clarify expectations regularly with your pastor so you know what he/she wants. After all, you don’t want to waste time and energy working on things that the pastor doesn’t deem important.  Sometimes it may require you to check your ego at the door or to agree to something that you’re not comfortable with.  Often you’ll need to recognize which of your own expectations you’ll need to let go of. After all, you must decrease so that He may increase.  

Clayton Imoo is husband to Gail and father to sons Sean Isaiah and Jacob Isaac and daughter Kayla Marie. He has served as the Director of the Office of Youth and Young Adult Ministry of the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Vancouver for the past ten years. Learn more about him at http://www.claytonimoo.com or follow him @claytonimoo

Twitter for Youth Ministry 2

Today, we’ll discuss how to use the limited time you have as a youth worker to work on this, and other social media tools, most effectively. You can also see my previous post: Twitter for Youth Ministry

Following the steps below will help you get the most out of each minute you have to work on your various social media accounts. 

1. Perhaps the most important: use your tweets to give something to your followers. Your tweets should only rarely (maybe 1 out of 20) answer the question “what are you doing right now?” and the rest of the time, should be focused on providing information or inspiration to your followers. You might tweet a link to an interesting website or blog, offer an inspiring quote from a book your reading, or invite them into conversation by asking a question. As a youth worker, you should use your website to give away books occasionally, and definitely advertise your church and youth ministry activities via Twitter.
2. Link your Twitter account to your Facebook account so that when you tweet, it automatically shows up on your Facebook page. However, you can produce #FAIL posts on Facebook by using hashtags in your posts. Hashtags are meaningless in Facebook, save your hashtags for twitter only.
3. Link your blog to Twitter so that when you post something on your blog, a notification and link are sent out via your Twitter account. You can link your blog to Facebook through Networked Blogs
4. Use hashtags. For example, a tweet about an event might include a hashtag with the category, such as #guysnightout or #c4ignite. Hashtags make your tweets more searchable—and Twitter continues to evolve into a place where people search for information.
5. Use hashtags to search for tweets about the topics you write about. Then join the conversation by posting tweets about your youth ministries content with the same hashtag.
6. Craft tweets with provocative quotes from books you read including the Bible, followed by a link to a site that sells that book or has the bible online. It’s easiest to sit down and create perhaps 20 or so of these, linking to various sites (amazon, chapters/indigo, youversion, etc.), and post one per day. Or use a scheduling tool to set that up (see next point).
7. Try out a tweet scheduling site such as hootsuite.com, and socialoomph.com, which allow you to schedule a variety of posts across media. Hootsuite and SocialOomph both have free and paid programs. Each has a variety of capabilities. Experiment to see what works for you.
8. When someone else mentions you in a positive way, don’t just tweet back “thanks!” In addition, retweet! Especially if it’s a link to something they said about you, your youth ministry, or some sort of praise for your work.

Keys to Effective Christian Leadership

Last week our Office of Youth and Young Adult Ministry offered YouthLeader – a week-long program designed by the Center for Ministry Development. The purpose of YouthLeader is to empower young people for Christian leadership in Church and the wider community.

I have been blessed to serve as a trainer for YouthLeader for the past 4 years, and it’s always special when I get to train youth and adult leaders in my home archdiocese. I’m looking forward to helping many of the 57 youth and adult participants implement the skills they learned into their church and school communities.

Each of the 9 learning sessions were centered around a “key”. I will be expanding on a few of these keys throughout the next few weeks but I thought it would be valuable for all readers of this blog to see them as a whole.

Key 1: Effective Leaders and Principle-Centered

Key 2: Effective Leaders are Proactive

Key 3: Effective Leaders Listen and Communicate

Key 4: Christian Leaders are Called to Follow Jesus’ Example

Key 5:  Effective Leaders Help Groups to Work Together

Key 6: Youth are Called to Use Their Gifts

Key 7: Effective Leaders Think Win/Win

Key 8: Effective Leaders Plan to Meet the Needs of Others

Key 9: Effective Leaders Know and Live Their Mission in Life

Clayton Imoo is husband to Gail and father to sons Sean Isaiah and Jacob Isaac and daughter Kayla Marie.  He has served as the Director of the Office of Youth and Young Adult Ministry of the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Vancouver for the past ten years, helping parishes develop their own youth and young adult ministries.  When not doing ministry, Clay enjoys spending time with his family, playing music, playing sports, playing naptime, and writing blogs on topics such as family, faith, and the Vancouver Canucks.  Learn more about him at http://www.claytonimoo.com or follow him @claytonimoo

Clarifying Expectations

I firmly believe that the biggest source of conflict in ministry is unclear expectations.  When expectations aren't clarified, it leads to confusion, hurt, miscommunication, and distrust.

There are countless stories of youth minsters doing their best, but not necessarily doing with their pastors or church leadership want them to.  All because the expectations were never articulated.

Here's a quick story of how my wife Gail and I didn't have clear expectations of each other with respect to household chores and general disposition.  Gail's "list" for me ultimately strengthened our marriage!




Clayton Imoo is husband to Gail and father to sons Sean Isaiah and Jacob Isaac and daughter Kayla Marie.  He has served as the Director of the Office of Youth and Young Adult Ministry of the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Vancouver for the past ten years, helping parishes develop their own youth and young adult ministries.  When not doing ministry, Clay enjoys spending time with his family, playing music, playing sports, playing naptime, and writing blogs on topics such as family, faith, and the Vancouver Canucks.  Learn more about him at http://www.claytonimoo.com or follow him @claytonimoo