The Original Face Time

Remember the good old days when we would get to know someone better by spending time with him? 

Like in the same physical vicinity as him.  And actually talking to him.

Not via text.  Or Twitter.  Or email.  Or Facebook.

One-on-one.  Face to face.

I’m not going to go on an anti-social media rant or diatribe here.  Obviously, I see its merits and understand the blessings that come with it.

But I also see the challenges.  In an effort to be more efficient with our time and more strategic in our approach – whether in youth ministry or in general life – we sometimes get caught up in the quantity of our relationships and not the quality of them.

This evening, my good friend Mary and I went out for dinner before our meeting for young adult ministry leaders.  As per usual when we get together, we had a delightful conversation touching on everything from family to work to ministry to speed stacking.  Not once did either of us reach for our phone.  

“This is nice,’ I said.  “I always look forward to our time together.”

“Me too,” Mary replied.  “One day we’ll have to hang out when we’re not rushing off to a meeting, though.”

“I agree.”

We were fully engaged in our conversation – and in our food – and before we knew it we had to depart for the meeting.  We continued our chat in the car.

After the meeting just before 10pm, we returned to my vehicle to embark on our journey home.  We picked up where we left off previously, and got to talking about youth ministry meetings.  Mary mentioned that one of the leadership teams that she’s on usually wraps things up between 9:30pm and 10pm and that she’s home by 10:30pm at the latest.

I then told Mary about a period of time over 15 years ago when I led the same team.  She was astounded to hear that we would start off with a choir practice from 7pm to 8:30pm.  Then, we would start our youth ministry meeting (at a different location) at 9pm and go until 11pm.  But we wouldn’t be done.   We’d hang out together socializing, praying, doing whatever until 12:30am or 1am.  Everyone would then go home and go to bed, only to get up 5 or 6 hours later for school or work.  Such was our typical Monday night routine!

Sure, we were sometimes exhausted the next day.  And maybe we were a little bit silly back then, perhaps thinking we were young, tireless, and indestructible.  But there is no doubt in my mind that those late nights helped us become stronger as a team:  we built a strong trust and faith in each other.  And it showed in our ministry.

It’s a different world now.  In today’s hyper-busy and over-scheduled world, we often get caught up being in the moment without living in the moment.

But In the late 1990s there were hardly any social networking sites – save for ICQ – to go home to.  YouTube hadn’t been invented so you couldn’t waste time watching videos.  Besides, everyone was on a dial-up connection.

Thus, there was never a temptation to check your Twitter feed.  Or change your Facebook status.  Or post a picture of your meal on Instagram. 

Instead, we hung out with each other.  We talked.  We laughed.  We cried.  We prayed.  We discussed.  We debated.  We agreed.  We disagreed. 

We remained in each others’ presence.  Physically.  Emotionally.  Intelluctually.  Spiritually. 

That’s how we connected with each other. 

And we never had to fear the network going down.

Clayton Imoo is husband to Gail and father to sons Sean Isaiah and Jacob Isaac and daughter Kayla Marie.  He has served as the Director of the Office of Youth and Young Adult Ministry of the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Vancouver for the past ten years, helping parishes develop their own youth and young adult ministries.  When not doing ministry, Clay enjoys spending time with his family, playing music, playing sports, playing naptime, and writing blogs on topics such as family, faith, and the Vancouver Canucks.  Learn more about him at http://www.claytonimoo.com or follow him @claytonimoo       

TEENS WHO CUT: Being a Voice of Hope to Teens Who Self-Harm

I was reading through some old journals this week and came across many entries about my struggle with self-harm. At 15 years of age I wrote, “It’s been 3 days since I hurt myself, I know it’s not long but it’s been so hard, I know God is going to help me get free from this.” I remember those days well, the cycle of promising I would never hurt myself, asking God to free me only to slip up a few days or weeks later. I longed to be free from self-harm but it has taken me years to finally see that freedom.

I started hurting myself when I was around 10 years old. Like many girls, I stumbled on the idea of hurting myself, it seemed to help and so I kept doing it.

As a child I was dealing with a lot of trauma, lacking the ability to regulate my emotions or express how I felt. Self-harm became a comfort, a release and expression for me. Why would anyone want to cause themselves pain? For me, feeling physical pain was a welcomed relief and distraction from the emotional pain I felt. Self-harm, the act of deliberately harming your own body (ie. cutting, burning, punching, excessive risk taking and hair pulling) is a warning sign for a deeper issue present in a teen’s life. For example almost 50% of those who self injure have experienced physical or sexual abuse and almost all say they were discouraged from expressing emotion. (Canadian Mental Health Association)

“Experts describe deliberate self injury as ineffective problem-solving. People who self injure are often seeking relief from psychological pain, unbearable tension, loneliness, depression, anger or an absence of feeling or numbness. Some people self harm to feel emotions more intensely; others do it to punish themselves for being “bad.” They either cannot or have not learned how to express those feelings more effectively.” (Canadian Mental Health Association)

Do you have teens in your youth group that hurt themselves? Almost certainly! One Canadian study found that 2 out of every 10 youth in Canada aged 14-21 had deliberately hurt themselves, with girls being twice as likely to self-harm than boys.

The following are some tips on addressing self-harm behaviors among your teens:

Warning Signs

Unexplained injuries or unlikely excuses for injuries

Keeping themselves covered even in hot weather

Swinging from feeling elated to depressed

Wearing lots of bracelets on wrists or ankles

Secrecy or needing to be alone for long periods of time

Frequent “accidents”

Carrying around sharp objects or weapons

Do’s

Respond calmly

Let them know you care and are concerned

If they are willing to talk to you, work with them to get professional help

Learn as much as you can about self-harm

Provide realistic messages of hope i.e. it is possible to overcome self-harm but it will take a lot of work.

Be positive and focus on their strengths

Be consistently available as a support to the extent your able to (and no more)

Don’t

Force them to talk about it

Assume that every self-harming episode is for the same reason

Assume that self-harm is a suicide attempt

Oversimplify the issue

Label the teen as an attention seeker (its not attention seeking but it a sign of attention needing; a lot of teens hide their scars)

My journey of overcoming self-harm has spanned for more than a decade. It has taken help from professionals to work through the reasons why I did it. It has required me to acknowledge the role self-harm played in survival and I have had to learn healthier ways to cope. It has taken many prayers, tears and loving friends to see me through. It’s been exhausting but it has been worth it. Looking back on those journal entries I smile and tell my teenage self to, “Hang in there, you will get through!” Youth pastors you get to be a similar voice of hope, unconditionally reminding your teens who self-harm that one day they will be free!

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If you have a teen girl who is struggling and needs support. Jane Galbreath & Alison Springer both support The YOUNG WOMEN OF POWER CONFERENCE held in Calgary Alberta April 25-26 2014. Recognizing the great need to empower teen girls they use their resources and skills to support an event that is specific to the needs of teenage girls. For more information visit www.ywop.ca  or contact YWOP.

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Jane Galbreath

Jane is a theology graduate and social work student, living in Saskatchewan. She spends her summers leading international youth mission teams. She is passionate about empowering young women to serve God particularly young women struggling with trauma and mental health issues. Jane has been a victim of sexual violence so she knows the heartache, shame, strength and courage it takes to face being a victim. Jane is a blogger and advocate for other females who have been victims of sexual violence because she knows that it is possible to not only survive but to come out the other side strong. After many years of healing Jane comes to you from that place! For more information and to visit Jane’s blog click here http://hopeforherblog.wordpress.com/about/

World Water Day DIY Mason Jar

Yesterday was World Water Day.  A way to celebrate with your youth is to turn mason jars into fun, reusable water bottles!  Check out @LaurDIY 's Mason Jar DIY how to video

Water is a fundamental element for a healthy life. Not only do we have cute water bottles, but we have the ability to put clean water inside of them, whenever we want. In some areas around the world, water is limited. Children and their families walk for miles and are forced to spend hours each day collecting and carrying water. This water is deadly: often contaminated with bacteria and parasites, and tragically, hundreds die from consuming dirty water every year. And the worst part is that they have no choice, they must drink from the only water source they have – like we said, water is essential.

Mason Jar water bottles are more than cute: they are LIFE GIVING. By making an awesome DIY water bottle you are creating a conversation piece and raising your voice to fight global hunger, you are making sure that children and their families have access to food and water to lead happy and healthy lives. Hunger is one of the worst problems in the world, and we can do something about it.

About me: I live a pretty simple life... trying to love God and treat others as good as myself... I epically fail at this but mercifully God loves me anyway... different cultures inspire me... the outdoors is my passion... I'm pursuing my MDIV / Masters in Counselling at Tyndale... I spent 22+ years in the skate / snowboard / entertainment / marketing / retail industry at the executive level... led the charge at West 49/Billabong for 12 of them... I've worked in youth ministry leadership roles for more years then I can count.. after many moons in the corporate world I switched to the dark side and am currently the Manager of Youth & Student Campaigns at World Vision Canada... but more then anything I love giving my heart to mentoring and helping youth! #lovelife #dreambig #keepitreal #socialjustice #jesusjustice I/T @cindymielke  facebook.com/cindymielke

Lent Reflection: Turning Over Your Tables

Father Robert Barron is a popular Catholic author, speaker and theologian.  He is also the founder of the global media ministry Word on Fire which reaches millions of people by utilizing the tools of new media to draw people into or back to the Catholic Faith.

This Lent, Fr. Barron has been sending out daily Lent Reflections via email.  Here's his reflection from yesterday called "Turning Over Your Tables" (you can read this on his website here):
 

From very early on, Christian theologians and spiritual writers made a comparison between Jesus' cleansing of the temple in Jerusalem and Jesus' cleansing of our hearts and bodies. St. Paul refers to the body as a "temple of the Holy Spirit." Your self, your body, your whole person is meant to be a temple, a holy place where God dwells and where prayer and union with God is central. It's a beautiful image: rightly ordered, we become temples of the Holy Spirit.

This image leads to an important question: what goes wrong within the temple of our souls? The same thing that went wrong with the Temple in Jerusalem--what's meant to be a house of prayer becomes a den of thieves. All kinds of distractions came into the Temple, money changers and corrupt influences, those who turned people away from worshiping God.

Today, we should ask, what distractions and corruptions have come into the temple of my heart and body?

Lent is a terrific time to allow Jesus Christ to make a whip of cords and come into the temple of our hearts, and, while there, to turn some tables over, to flip things upside down if he has to.

What would Jesus chase out of your heart if he had a chance? If you let him in, with all the wonderful fury displayed in the Gospels, what would he cleanse?   

You can sign up to receive Fr. Barron's daily reflections here.

Clayton Imoo is husband to Gail and father to sons Sean Isaiah and Jacob Isaac and daughter Kayla Marie.  He has served as the Director of the Office of Youth and Young Adult Ministry of the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Vancouver for the past ten years, helping parishes develop their own youth and young adult ministries.  When not doing ministry, Clay enjoys spending time with his family, playing music, playing sports, playing naptime, and writing blogs on topics such as family, faith, and the Vancouver Canucks.  Learn more about him at http://www.claytonimoo.com or follow him @claytonimoo