TEENS WHO CUT: Being a Voice of Hope to Teens Who Self-Harm

I was reading through some old journals this week and came across many entries about my struggle with self-harm. At 15 years of age I wrote, “It’s been 3 days since I hurt myself, I know it’s not long but it’s been so hard, I know God is going to help me get free from this.” I remember those days well, the cycle of promising I would never hurt myself, asking God to free me only to slip up a few days or weeks later. I longed to be free from self-harm but it has taken me years to finally see that freedom.

I started hurting myself when I was around 10 years old. Like many girls, I stumbled on the idea of hurting myself, it seemed to help and so I kept doing it.

As a child I was dealing with a lot of trauma, lacking the ability to regulate my emotions or express how I felt. Self-harm became a comfort, a release and expression for me. Why would anyone want to cause themselves pain? For me, feeling physical pain was a welcomed relief and distraction from the emotional pain I felt. Self-harm, the act of deliberately harming your own body (ie. cutting, burning, punching, excessive risk taking and hair pulling) is a warning sign for a deeper issue present in a teen’s life. For example almost 50% of those who self injure have experienced physical or sexual abuse and almost all say they were discouraged from expressing emotion. (Canadian Mental Health Association)

“Experts describe deliberate self injury as ineffective problem-solving. People who self injure are often seeking relief from psychological pain, unbearable tension, loneliness, depression, anger or an absence of feeling or numbness. Some people self harm to feel emotions more intensely; others do it to punish themselves for being “bad.” They either cannot or have not learned how to express those feelings more effectively.” (Canadian Mental Health Association)

Do you have teens in your youth group that hurt themselves? Almost certainly! One Canadian study found that 2 out of every 10 youth in Canada aged 14-21 had deliberately hurt themselves, with girls being twice as likely to self-harm than boys.

The following are some tips on addressing self-harm behaviors among your teens:

Warning Signs

Unexplained injuries or unlikely excuses for injuries

Keeping themselves covered even in hot weather

Swinging from feeling elated to depressed

Wearing lots of bracelets on wrists or ankles

Secrecy or needing to be alone for long periods of time

Frequent “accidents”

Carrying around sharp objects or weapons

Do’s

Respond calmly

Let them know you care and are concerned

If they are willing to talk to you, work with them to get professional help

Learn as much as you can about self-harm

Provide realistic messages of hope i.e. it is possible to overcome self-harm but it will take a lot of work.

Be positive and focus on their strengths

Be consistently available as a support to the extent your able to (and no more)

Don’t

Force them to talk about it

Assume that every self-harming episode is for the same reason

Assume that self-harm is a suicide attempt

Oversimplify the issue

Label the teen as an attention seeker (its not attention seeking but it a sign of attention needing; a lot of teens hide their scars)

My journey of overcoming self-harm has spanned for more than a decade. It has taken help from professionals to work through the reasons why I did it. It has required me to acknowledge the role self-harm played in survival and I have had to learn healthier ways to cope. It has taken many prayers, tears and loving friends to see me through. It’s been exhausting but it has been worth it. Looking back on those journal entries I smile and tell my teenage self to, “Hang in there, you will get through!” Youth pastors you get to be a similar voice of hope, unconditionally reminding your teens who self-harm that one day they will be free!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you have a teen girl who is struggling and needs support. Jane Galbreath & Alison Springer both support The YOUNG WOMEN OF POWER CONFERENCE held in Calgary Alberta April 25-26 2014. Recognizing the great need to empower teen girls they use their resources and skills to support an event that is specific to the needs of teenage girls. For more information visit www.ywop.ca  or contact YWOP.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jane Galbreath

Jane is a theology graduate and social work student, living in Saskatchewan. She spends her summers leading international youth mission teams. She is passionate about empowering young women to serve God particularly young women struggling with trauma and mental health issues. Jane has been a victim of sexual violence so she knows the heartache, shame, strength and courage it takes to face being a victim. Jane is a blogger and advocate for other females who have been victims of sexual violence because she knows that it is possible to not only survive but to come out the other side strong. After many years of healing Jane comes to you from that place! For more information and to visit Jane’s blog click here http://hopeforherblog.wordpress.com/about/