Making Presumptions

My much-anticipated catch-up session with a youth minister got off to an auspicious start.  Upon entering my favourite Japanese restaurant, I told the owner that I would need a table for two.  As one of the waiters led me to a table, a woman who I didn’t know entered the restaurant immediately after me.  Somehow, the waiter thought that the woman was with me (my wife wouldn’t have been too happy) and somehow the woman remarkably didn’t see me sit in the booth first.  Once she sat down she finally looked at me across the table.  Slightly embarrassed, she gasped “Oh sorry...I thought that he was seating ME.”  She quickly made her way to another table as I tried to stifle my laughter.

An honest mistake to be sure.  And in retrospect I don’t blame her for wanting to sit with me.  Kidding.  Sort of.

But her innocent presumption got me thinking of the many times we make presumptions in youth ministry.  And as in this case, they often turn out wrong.

1.  Presuming what youth will like.  How often do we think that we know what the youth need?  I’ve been part of teams and planning processes where we jumped right into scheduling topics, nights and themes without even doing a proper needs assessment (formal or informal).  It’s important to balance what you might think the teens need with what they tell you they’d like to see.  Usually, the final result will fall somewhere in between the two.   

2.  Presuming what youth will be like.  We’ve all learned to not to judge a book by its cover.  But it’s amazing how often we still do that in youth ministry.  In our fast-paced world, a first impression may become the only impression.  Thus, it takes discipline not to form a bias or opinion of a young person solely on how he looks, how he talks, or how he shakes your hand.  It’s simply unfair if we do.  We need to take the proper time to forge a healthy relationship with teens.  Which leads me to my next point. 

3.  Presuming you’ve earned the right to be heard.  I’ve written before about the importance ofearning the right to be heard.  When possible, we need to build genuine relationships with young people before we attempt to evangelize or catechize them.  Because they won’t care how much we know until they know how much we care.

4.  Presuming that if it worked before it will work again.  When we repeat and recycle processes we can get complacent.  Thus, an “if it ain’t broke then don’t fix it” mentality can become very dangerous in ministry.  While it might mean that things are comfortable for you, in reality it can lead you to grow complacent.  Eventually, this attitude will stifle creativity, discourage risk-taking, and prohibit growth.

5.  Presuming that your pastor knows what you are doing.  This is not at all a comment on your pastor’s intelligence; rather a comment on your communication with him.  Do you give him and parish leadership regular updates?  Does he know the wonderful things you are doing?  Does he know where you need support?  And do you know his expectations of you and the youth ministry?  If you can’t answer “Yes” to all of these questions, then you need to rethink your communication strategy with him.

6.  Presuming that the parents know what you are doing.  Ensure that your youth ministry is more than a glorified babysitting service.  For the most part, parents are grateful for what we are doing as youth ministers and therefore don’t necessarily need to know every detail of every gathering.  However, regular correspondence with the parents will go a long way towards earning their trust.  It could be in the form of face-to-face meetings, emails, phone calls, newsletters, or a regular place in the church bulletin.  The parents will be more apt to support us and our ministry if they are kept in the loop.

So what presumptions do you make in your youth ministry?

Asking yourself this tough question will give you a decent indication of how well you are doing.  We certainly don’t want to get caught making too many presumptions.  Or for that matter...any assumptions either.

Because we all know what happens when you assume.

Clayton Imoo is husband to Gail and father to sons Sean Isaiah and Jacob Isaac and daughter Kayla Marie.  He has served as the Director of the Office of Youth and Young Adult Ministry of the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Vancouver for the past ten years, helping parishes develop their own youth and young adult ministries.  When not doing ministry, Clay enjoys spending time with his family, playing music, playing sports, playing naptime, and writing blogs on topics such as family, faith, and the Vancouver Canucks.  Learn more about him at http://www.claytonimoo.com or follow him @claytonimoo

In Good Hands

This morning I sat in the dentist’s chair as he scraped, drilled, and picked among other things.  I knew what the end result was to be...however I had no clue how he was going to get there.  I tried my best to just relax and trust him (and pray that I didn’t hear any of these things come from his mouth).  In essence, I placed the fate of my teeth in his hands.

This is what parents do with us in our youth ministries: they put the spiritual well-being of their children in our hands.  Not completely and exclusively of course, as we youth ministers are supposed to complement and supplement the faith formation that is hopefully taking place at home (and in some cases at school).

But while their kids are at our youth gathering, prayer group, or service outing...the buck stops with us.  For better or for worse.

Here are four ways that we can better minister to and with parents:

1.  Provide regular updates.  Parents have every right to know what is going on with their children.  For the most part, parents are grateful for what we are doing as youth ministers and therefore don’t necessarily need to know every detail of every gathering.  However, regular correspondence with the parents will go a long way towards earning their trust.  It could be in the form of face-to-face meetings, emails, phone calls, newsletters, or a regular place in the church bulletin.  The parents will be more apt to support us and our ministry if they are kept in the loop.

2.  Earn the right to be heard.  I’ve written at length before about the importance of earning the right to be heard when working with teens.  That is, they won’t care how much we know until they know how much we care.  The same principle applies to parents.  Admittedly, this will look different for parents than it does for teens - we simply are not afforded the same opportunities with parents with respect to time.  But we can earn their trust through our work with their children.  If they sense that we are competent, reliable, and most importantly, authentic and genuine, they will feel more comfortable with us and more likely to support us.

3.  Ask them for help.  Sometimes parents are willing and able to assist but they just don’t know how.  There’s nothing wrong with asking for a little help from them especially given the time and energy you devote to their kids.  For example, I’m aware of many churches that have parents (as opposed to the youth leaders) prepare the snacks for the youth ministry gatherings.  Not only will parents feel more invested, the snacks will likely be of better quality.  That’s how our parent ministry got started at my home church – I think the parents were sick of me feeding their kids Tang and potato chips.  Sad but true.

Another example is getting parents to drive to outings.  They might actually prefer to drive their own kids...and in many cases their vehicles are nicer than the youth leaders’.  :p

4.  Pray for them and with them.  It seems obvious that the main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.  It’s sometimes challenging amidst the busyness of ministry, but I encourage you to carve out some time to pray for and with parents.  As part of the religious education program I run at my home church, the parents meet in a side room to pray, talk and eat while their children are in class.  As a result, they feel a part of the parish community and are always willing to help. 

We should never underestimate the huge responsibility that we have as youth leaders.  Parents need to be able to communicate with us, rely on us, and trust us.  When parents entrust their children into our hands, opportunities arise to serve together and further strengthen the community. 

After all, many hands make light work!
 

Clayton Imoo is husband to Gail and father to sons Sean Isaiah and Jacob Isaac and daughter Kayla Marie.  He has served as the Director of the Office of Youth and Young Adult Ministry of the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Vancouver for the past ten years, helping parishes develop their own youth and young adult ministries.  When not doing ministry, Clay enjoys spending time with his family, playing music, playing sports, playing naptime, and writing blogs on topics such as family, faith, and the Vancouver Canucks.  Learn more about him at http://www.claytonimoo.com or follow him @claytonimoo

Parent Ministry Resources

One of the most forgotten elements of youth ministry is the focus on parents as it was the focus of last week's post, parent ministry.

Connecting church and home is a very difficult and daunting task for youth workers.

If you are like me, you need a parent ministry plan that will set you on the right course. Other youth workers can design their own plan based and use various resources for support.

Need a Parent Ministry Plan
ParentMinistry.net
This is a great service that allows your kids ministry through youth ministry keep the same branding, messaging and resourcing. Cost: $25 per month.
What you get:

• one video, two emails, and 10 tweets/texts that you customize and send out to the parents in your youth ministry each month.
• give parents resources on a right of passage each year from grade 6 through grade 12.
• parenting toolbox that gives you the resources to build an effective parent ministry.
• event kits on creating impactful parenting events.
• community resources that connects you to other youth workers ministering to parents.

Need Resources for your Parent Ministry Plan
SimplyYouthMinistry.com
Youth Cartel.com
Group.com

Knowing my weakness in parent ministry I would set aside $25 per month from the youth ministry budget and recruit a communication team to run this for me.

What is your parent ministry plan and what resources do you currently use?

Parent Ministry

Let me be honest, parent ministry was not on my radar as a youth worker. It might be on a whiteboard in my office or a notebook as a dream or something that would be a good idea if I had time but I never have time or energy for it. I have good intentions for a parent ministry. Until I make parent ministry an intentional priority, I will always have good intentions about it.

Here is why parent ministry is such a struggle for me:

it's holistic
i move from focusing on a student to an adult(s) and their family dynamics.

the adult me
i need to be an adult when i speak to other adults. i need to face real world adult problems if i get involved in their lives.

extra help
i would potentially get extra help in resources for youth ministry. (parent drivers, event volunteers, material resources, extra help...) why would I ever want that!

communication
i need to build relationships with parents, not just inform them about upcoming youth events by updated Facebook or sending out tweets or an email.

what ideas, tips or resources have worked for you in your parent ministry?

Jeff Smyth

Parents - Allies or Enemies?

This post is also featured on the Youth Cartel blog here.

When I first started out in youth ministry I thought my role was to be everything a teen's parents could never be in their life. I focused on being edgy, cool, hip and of course up to speed on pop culture.

Then something happened. I myself became a parent.

So what was my new role as a youth worker going to be now that I was parent myself? Did this eliminate my identity as a hip, cool and with-it youth pastor?

The truth is, being a parent has enhanced my ability to both pastor and parent. Neither of these roles are mutually exclusive, but somehow they have blended together to help me reshape how I lead families in the present and into the future. Here are three things that I'm learning about working with parents in ministry.

1. Parents aren't the enemy. We've all had negative interaction with parents I'm sure, but these experiences don't make parents bad people. Parenting is the most difficult job on the planet. Add into the mix the explorative tendencies teens possess, and you get an emotionally charged scenario 9 times out of 10. Parents are passionate about their kids, and sometimes their passion is mis-communicated as anger, rage or displeasure. Wise youth leaders find ways to disarm emotionally charged confrontations and turn them into win-win scenarios for all parties. Parents sometimes just need someone to listen...just like teens do. I wonder if we spent more time listening to the stories and needs of parents if we'd build greater partnerships with them?

2. Parents need to be loved & valued too. If you're constantly told that you aren't doing a good job, wouldn't you begin to believe it? Most teens (like most human beings) have no problem telling people when things aren't working well for them, but when it comes to sharing encouragement, they might struggle to do so. Consider your next upcoming parents gathering. Spend a few moments encouraging and inspiring parents instead of asking them to change something they do right away, you might find that they are more willing to consider your ideas once you've spent some time listening to them.

3. Parents want to belong & fit in. Often times parents feel isolated in their parenting struggles or wins with their kids. The family schedule is usually oriented around that activities of the children. Parents often sacrifice their own desires and needs for socialization for the sake of their child's development. Are your parent connection times more about information being given, or relationships between parents being built? The most powerful gift you can ever offer another human being is to help them see that they aren't alone in life. Parents long to belong and fit someplace...is your ministry to families a place where they can do that? 

What are you learning about working with parents? Post your ideas below!

Jason has lived in Calgary, Alberta Canada since 1995, and been a youth pastor since 2001. He is married to the love of his life, Bonny, and together they have three incredible children: Saydie, Cannon and Deklon. Jason possesses a desire to see youth, parents and families become who God created them to be through loving and living like Jesus. He currently serves on staff at Centre Street Church in Calgary. He loves hockey, playing guitar, writing and creating environments and opportunities where others can realize their potential in Jesus while experiencing the full life He promised to those who follow Him!

Conversations

Conversations are one of the most humbling, inspiring, deflating and empowering experiences that humans can have. Did you know that the average human being uses over 16,000 words on a daily basis?

With all the words that are being exchanged, do you ever wonder what is really being talked about? This past summer I sat down with some creative friends of mine to produce a video dedicated to conversations. Here is what we came up with:

How are you leveraging conversations with your family, friends, people in your ministry, volunteers and others to be a source of inspiration and joy? What other tips do you have to generate conversations that matter and have an impact on the lives of others?

Taking Ownership: Lessons from a 9 Year-Old and Club Penguin

 

Last month, we had our good friend Karen over just a couple of weeks before she moved to Kelowna to begin employment with Disney Interactive.  When Karen told me that she would be working on the popular game Club Penguin, I told her that Jacob plays that game all the time.  Within a matter of minutes, we had set up a date for Karen to come over to our place to eat and then play.

Needless to say, Jacob was very excited for the opportunity to teach someone – and an adult at that – everything he knew about Club Penguin.  He counted down the days to Karen’s visit and he could barely contain his excitement when the day finally arrived.  After a delicious dinner (prepared by Gail of course), Jacob showed Karen the ins and outs of the game for the better part of two hours.  It was a great visual: Jake the eager 9 year-old as teacher and Karen the willing grown-up as obedient student.

Jake took complete ownership of his task: he prepared for Karen’s visit very diligently and even strategized a systematic order of how to show her aspects of the game.  The end result was a win-win:  Karen left more confident about the game, and Jacob was affirmed in his knowledge and enthusiasm.

Naturally, it got me thinking about youth ministry (surprise, surprise).  In particular, I thought of three ways that youth ministry leaders can give ownership away (or in essence, let others take ownership) in order to strengthen their youth ministries.

1.  Letting Your Volunteers Take Ownership
Being a Lone Ranger youth worker will only get you so far. Despite how charismatic or capable you are (or think you are), eventually you and your ministry will plateau.  It’s amazing what can happen when you let your volunteers take ownership; when you provide a variety of responsibilities to your volunteers and when you encourage risk-taking.  They will feel affirmed and supported.  They will feel more invested in the ministry and will want to see it succeed.  They’ll likely go the “extra mile” so to speak.  And they’ll want to tackle new challenges with newfound confidence.

Our volunteers are ordinary people in the hands of an extraordinary God.  They want to know that what they are doing is indeed making a difference.  Letting them take ownership will go a long way towards that.

2.  Letting the Parents Take Ownership
Asking parents to help does not mean you are relinquishing control of your youth ministry.  Rather, it’s a sign you are reaching out to them to be actual partners in the ministry.  There’s nothing wrong with asking for a little help from them especially given the time and energy you devote to their kids; parents are often very willing to assist but they just need to be asked.  For example, I’m aware of many churches that have parents (as opposed to the youth leaders) prepare the snacks for the youth ministry gatherings.  Not only will parents feel more invested, the snacks will likely be of better quality.  That’s how our parent ministry got started at my home church – I think the parents were sick of me feeding their kids Tang and potato chips.  Sad but true.

Parents need to be able to communicate with us, rely on us, and trust us.  When parents entrust their children into our hands, opportunities arise to serve together and further strengthen the community.

 3.  Letting the Teens Take Ownership

Remember, good youth ministry is not just ministry to youth and for youth – it’s ministry with youth and by youth as well.  Thus, it’s imperative to give young people an opportunity to take ownership in the ministry.  For instance, there are many ways that a young person can get involved at Mass:  lectoring, alter serving, greeting, ushering, and singing in the music ministry.  All of these roles are vital to the celebration and their involvement is a wonderful witness to the entire parish community.

Also, you could task some youth with coming up with a skit, game, prayer, or testimony for one of your gatherings.  By giving young people roles in our ministry, they feel valued as part of the community and they are developing crucial leadership skills.  And in many cases, they might do a better job than you or your team would do!


I encourage you to consider these three simple ways of letting others take ownership in your youth ministry.  After all, if it works for a 9 year-old, it surely should work for us.

Clayton Imoo is husband to Gail and father to sons Sean Isaiah and Jacob Isaac and daughter Kayla Marie.  He has served as the Director of the Office of Youth and Young Adult Ministry of the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Vancouver for the past ten years, helping parishes develop their own youth and young adult ministries.  When not doing ministry, Clay enjoys spending time with his family, playing music, playing sports, playing naptime, and writing blogs on topics such as family, faith, and the Vancouver Canucks.  Learn more about him at http://www.claytonimoo.com or follow him @claytonimoo   

Online data is being collected from kids

Federal Trade Commission: Let parents control who can collect data from their kids

Petition by Joy Spencer

The Children's Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA) is currently the only legislative tool available that keeps parents in control of what data and personal information companies can collect about children under 13 while they are online. The Federal Trade Commission has proposed rule changes that will update the law and keep parents in control even in this new digital era of social media networks, mobile apps, gaming sites and tracking that goes on while kids are web browsing. There is already mounting industry opposition to these rule changes which will provide parents with another tool to stay in control. Parents must make their voices heard so that the FTC knows that we support these important rule changes that keep parents in charge.

Dear Canadian Youth Workers,

Would you consider signing my petition, "Federal Trade Commission: Let parents control who can collect data from their kids" on Change.org.

It's important. Will you sign it too? Here's the link:
http://www.change.org/en-CA/petitions/federal-trade-commission-let-parents-control-who-can-collect-data-from-their-kids

Thanks again -- together we're making change happen,

Joy

If you only had 15 minutes

If you had 15 minutes to talk to parents and teenagers about living out their faith in today's world, what would you say to them?

How would you take your years of experience and sum it up in 15 minutes? What topics would you cover? What passages of scripture would you use to communicate your heart felt desire to these students and parents? Would you be funny or serious in your presentation? Would you use visuals (Keynote/PowerPoint)?

Would your topics include:

• texting
• social media
• culture
• biblical lesson or point
• parenting do's & don'ts
• how to share who Jesus is with their friends
• how to read their bible
• share a personal story
• give them something to take home

So what would you do if you were given 15 minutes to talk to parents and teenagers about living out their faith in today's world?

Parents

One-on-one time with parents without kids around is very valuable.

I see the value in asking questions privately with every set of parents represented in the youth ministry on a consistent basis. Through these questions I am helping parents discover more about themselves, their kids and their spiritual relationship with God. Here are two questions I use that sparks great discussion.

What things are happening in your family and the life of your student that would help our youth leaders know how to better work with your student?

Partnering with parents involves both parties understanding and agreeing on the spiritual direction they are going together and both parties need to communicate with each other. You MUST listen to parent share stories about their families and their kids, you MUST also share stories about your observations and experiences with their students and youth ministry.

How are you doing spiritually?

The spiritual health of students is dependant upon the spiritual health of their parents. Depending on their answer or silence, you have a great opportunity to focus on them and coach them at this point.

Jeff Smyth is a youth worker who has been involved in both the local church and non-profit areas of Canada. He works with DOXA Toronto, providing resources, training and coaching for local churches. Jeff lives in Toronto with his wife Heather and son Nathan. Jeff's blog ThinkYouthMinistry.com