Last week, we looked at the advantages of both marriage and singleness in youth ministry. Marriage and singleness are gifts from God, but they each have some unique obstacles, boundaries, and struggles.
Here are some ministry obstacles to being married:
-Your time and responsibilities are divided. Paul makes this claim in 1 Corinthians 7: "But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided." As a married man with two children under the age of 5, I can totally attest to this: to be a good dad and husband, I have to say "no" to certain ministry responsibilities or opportunities for the sake of my family. It's not that loving my family isn't "the Lord's work" (it absolutely is!), but it does mean that my time and energy and resources are split between more people. Even with finances, it becomes more difficult. When I was single, it didn't matter how much I was getting paid to do ministry; I was *getting paid* to do ministry! Now married and a father, I need to be thinking of how to take care of my family financially, meaning certain jobs and opportunities can't be pursued.
-"Affairs" with the ministry. Related to the divided interests, if a person in ministry is giving more of their time and energy to their youth ministry, they end up hurting their marriage and parenting, potentially causing resentment and spiritual struggles for their spouse and children. My wife pointed this out to me the other day: if I had any other job where I was overly committed, she and the kids could feel resentment towards that job or industry--if I was a banker, she could resent banking; if I was a filmmaker, she might not like movies as much. With ministry work, the difficulty is this: if my spouse and children resent my job due to my over-commitment, they end up resenting God, Christianity, and the church. It wasn't banking or filmmaking that made Daddy miss the special birthday or anniversary--it was God. This means that I need to have healthy boundaries and know when to step back from my ministry responsibilities for the sake of my family.
Here are some ministry obstacles to being single:
-Perception of being "less experienced" or "less mature." This one feels a bit unfair, but we know it's true. Some churches won't hire single people due to this perception, and at some point we've made this assumption about a single person in ministry. Even though the average age for getting married is on the rise (currently somewhere around 27 years old), and some of the greatest biblical heroes were single, many youth workers are perceived as less mature due to their single status, not to mention that our vocation involves hanging out with teenagers a lot. A single person simply cannot speak about marriage and parenting with the same level of experience. Marriage still remains a cultural marker for adulthood in our society, particularly within the Christian world.
-The potential awkwardness of dating. It could be difficult to be in youth ministry and pursue romantic interests, particularly if the person is part of your church or ministry. Your dating habits are on display for the teens you disciple, for better or for worse. If you break up with someone, it's a bit more public than other people. You're a model for Godly singleness, which carries a certain responsibility. (This is an even greater responsibility for married people, as you're an example of a Godly marriage.)
-No sex. Let's be honest: this is a bummer. There is a potential increase in loneliness and sexual temptation due to a lack of sexual intimacy and the "burning with desire" that Paul describes in 1 Corinthians 7. Not that married people can't struggle with these, but when the possibility of sexual intimacy is VERY limited for a single person, it's certainly an issue.
Joel Mayward is a pastor, writer, husband, and father living in Langley, British Columbia. He’s been serving in youth ministry since 2003, and is currently the Pastor of Youth and Young Adult Ministries at North Langley Community Church. A writer for numerous youth ministry publications and author of Leading Up: Finding Influence in the Church Beyond Role and Experience, Joel writes about youth ministry, film, theology, and leadership at his blog, joelmayward.blogspot.ca.
No comments:
Post a Comment