One on One

This is the second part in my series of posts detailing things that have gone good and bad for me over the last half dozen years of youth ministry.  Last week I talked a bit about something that I didn't do very well, and this week I decided to discuss something that I felt was the key to my ministry and something I believe should be at the core of every ministry in the church, just not youth ministry.

That core thing is the easiest and most difficult thing in the entire world to do, and that is to meet with someone one on one for accountability in regularly scheduled intervals.  Over the course of 5 years I met with the same individual on a weekly basis for a single hour to have coffee and chat.  This allowed us to build trust, friendship and most importantly accountability.  I also meet with a senior member of our church staff for the same reason.  These two weekly meetings have been one of the most productive things I have ever done in ministry.  It has allowed me to speak into someone's life in ways no other relationship style would allow, and has created space for myself to figure things out and be honest and real in a world where we put on so many masks.  

My recommendation to you as a youth worker is to find a youth that you want to invest in(as a side note make sure to keep things same sex to avoid all sorts of problems) on an ongoing long term way, and find someone in position over you that would be willing to do the same for you.  Doing this is not an easy thing to get started so here are some tips to get you going.

1) Meet Regularly - This is the most important thing to remember and get right.  It is not important that every week you talk about deep theological things, or your heart is spilled.  Sometimes you'll spend the hour talking nonsense and that is ok.  The important thing to remember is to meet at the same time, make it part of your routine.  Getting started is the hardest part, but once you have a couple months under your belt, it will feel weird by not having the meetings.

2) Pick a Resource - A good tip is to pick a good book and work through it.  Make the meetings not about getting through the resource, but make sure that you try and work it into the conversation.  I recommend starting with the workbook "The Real Deal".  It took myself and person I met with 5 years to get through it, we weren't in any rush.

 3) One on One and One on One - It is important that you meet with someone who is farther down the path in life than you are, and also important that you meet with someone that you can help along.  This gives you a place to deal with whatever issues you are going through, and also help someone out.  You will gain much more by being in this scenario than not.

Not every person's situation can follow these tips exactly, but try your best to get these going.  Once you get passed the pain of getting things going you will not regret this experience at all.  It has been essential to my ministry and I definitely would not be the person I am today if it wasn't for my weekly One on Ones.  Give it a try.. what do you have to lose?

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Ryan Filsinger is a husband, father, hockey lover, video game producer and aspiring social architect.  He has been in part time youth ministry for the last 6 years in Charlottetown, PEI.  You can find him on twitter @rfilsinger or read his rarely updated blog at www.filsinger.org