Spiritual Practice of the Week:  Remembering Those Who Have Died 

Our culture makes it easy to live as though we will never die. By not paying death any attention, we are missing out on understanding a big part of living: our ending. How are we living to life in all its fullness if we are denying the fullness of life’s ending?  You may be called upon to look death straight in the face and come to understand what it means in your life and in the lives of the youth you work with. You will almost certainly be called upon to help people through times of mourning and lingering grief following a death. A friend’s mother died recently and as I reflected back on the experience, I was astounded to realize that I didn’t see a person die until I was 37 years old. I thought that if I had been born in a place like Africa, I would have experienced death many times over by that age, and I may have more fully integrated the process of dying into what it means to live.

Wherever you are in your acceptance and experience of death, it’s important to be able to talk about the issue with others and comfort those who are grieving. It’s a big part of ministry with youth and a big part of pastoral care with youth. I’d encourage you to take a course on the subject of death and dying or on pastoral care with people in grief. Remember that you will not be alone in accompanying people through grief. If you ever feel like you are facing something you can’t handle, please know that there are others who can help you deal with your ministry in this context.

This practice remembers those who have died. It allows youth to ask and share what they need to about the subject of death. Please note that this practice may bring up intense feelings, memories of people they have lost, and questions they have about death. It is important to make time after the practice for people to transition and talk to someone if they need to. Please be sure to set up a way for that to happen. Be sure to name that option at the close of the practice and to check in the next day with youth who may have had a particularly hard time. This practice doesn’t seek to stir up painful memories for youth, but rather gives them a way to speak about a part of themselves that doesn’t often get acknowledged. It’s also a way into honest and open sharing of one another’s stories.

Create a comfortable and safe space - a room in the church, or part of the sanctuary. Set out a circle of candles (unlit) around the Christ candle that will be lit when people enter the room.

The Practice of Presente  This practice comes from Latin America. It was originally used to give people strength in times of war when many friends and family were lost to death squads and torture. It gave hope and strength and a sense that their loved ones were with them in their struggle. The practice of presente reminds us that the people we name, although they have passed, are present with us here and now. Presente is Spanish for present.

Ask youth to write down or prepare to name aloud those they wish to remember during the practice. As each name is spoken or read out, the whole group will say the word presente in unison. With each name, the person who wrote or spoke the name will come forward and light a candle for that name. Hold silence in the space while the candle is being lit.

The Remembrance Service

Have soft music playing as people enter into the room. Invite people to settle into the space.

Opening Scriptures: Matthew 5:4; Revelation 21:4; and John 8:12

Share an appropriate poem or song.

Prayer

We are here to remember those who have touched our lives in some way who have died. We remember those we have known and loved, those who have influenced us with their life and work, those who are saints. We give thanks for their lives and know that they are present with us.                                 

We remember those who are presente to us.

Names are read or spoken. After each name, the whole group says the word presente together.   Hold silence as the person who wrote or spoke the name comes forward and lights a candle for the one named.

Closing

Each one special, each one a gift. We remember all these saints, friends and family, those who have touched our lives. Those who are no longer on earth but who are with us still, present to our lives. You are welcome to sit and be in this space for as long as you would like. You are welcome to join us in the next room for refreshments and quiet conversation. If you’d like to talk, there are people here who can listen. Peace be with you all. Amen.

Quietly play recorded music in the background and allow people time for personal reflection and prayer.

This blog post is dedicated to my father Carl Wolf Kizinna who died on May 30,2012  Presente.

© This prayer practice and all of those on the Sunday Morning Blog Post can be found in:  "Go Deep: Spiritual Practices for Youth Ministry" Wood Lake Publishing
Doris is the Youth Director for the United Church of Canada in BC and the Director of World Pilgrim Awareness Travel.