When I first started youth ministry I admit my thought
process around parents and their role in the group was unjustly poisoned by a
few negative stories. I heard tales of
overbearing parents who questioned a youth leaders every decision, helicopter
parents that never let their kids out of reach, or the parent who was never
there for their children at all, and on and on.
After reflecting over the last six years I have to admit that I let a
few bad stories from veteran youth workers negatively affect my perception of
the parent and their role in Youth Ministry.
It took me many years to realize that this was wrong and I’ll give you some
advice for free today in the hope that you don’t make the same mistakes. Simply put parents are not the enemy of the
youth worker; yes you will more than likely run into a difficult situation here
and there. That will almost be
unavoidable as you insert yourself in the lives of youth. If you are having issues dealing with parents
and don’t know where to start here are three tips that I think are valuable and
something I wish I had done much earlier in my ministry.
- Schedule a regular parent night – Every week we do at least one if not two things for the kids that attend your group. Make it a priority to schedule a night where you can get all the parents together and just go for coffee. Let them talk about what is on their minds; you never know what might happen.
- Talk to the parents one on one – This may sound obvious and simple, but it is simply something I didn’t do. Sure I would have quick conversations with them when kids were picked up or dropped off, but I rarely went out of my way to share my heart with them. Then I would wonder why sometimes the parents make decisions which seem to completely go against my heart for the youth. (big fail there)
- “I wish my ______ would know this” – I did an exercise once where I had all the youth anonymously write down on a piece of paper what they wish their parent would know. I then reversed the roles and had the parents do the same for their children. It wasn’t amazingly ground breaking, but it gave each a brief window in the heads of the other person that might have not happened otherwise. Give this exercise a try and see if it doesn’t help ease some tension.
In the end parents generally want what is best for their
kid, and if your heart is in youth ministry so do you. Trying to find common grounds with the
parents to help open discussion around the difficult topics that kids are
facing is important and something that should be a priority for you. If you have been failing in this area, why is
it that you are falling short? If you
are doing awesome this area what are some other tips you can give to those of
us that aren’t?
For good measure I've added a poster you should probably put up in your youth room.
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Ryan Filsinger is a husband, father, hockey lover, video game producer and aspiring social architect. He has been in part time youth ministry for the last 6 years in Charlottetown, PEI. You can find him on twitter @rfilsinger or read his rarely updated blog at www.filsinger.org
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