How To Build Confidence in Females

Happy International Women’s Day!!! Well actually it’s Saturday. But let me help you get ready for it. Saturday March 8^th is a day where we are not ignorant of the struggles women face around the world, but it is also a day to celebrate the gift that women are and the contributions they have made to society. Too many females are hindered from living out their fullest potential. I was recently speaking to a professor at the University of Calgary who said, “My daughter is brilliant, a quick thinker and innovative. She has the ability to go so far in her field, but she lacks what my son has confidence.” A lack of confidence stunts the growth in females. Today I am going to share some practical tips on what you can do to help increase confidence in the lives of females.

Men, How You Can Build Her Up

The constant battle females struggle with is not feeling good enough. Their value and self-image seems to be constantly challenged. Men, what can you do to help the teen girls, your female youth workers grow in confidence?

1.    Complement The Qualities You Admire In Her.

There are many myths that females believe to be true ie. Guys only want one thing…sex or smart women intimidate Guys. Gentleman, Is that true?

Be a Myth Buster by complementing her on the qualities that you do admire.  For example, you are playing an outdoor wide game and you see some Jr. high guy just thrash this girl. She falls to the ground, gets her bearings, with her hair disheveled she wipes the blood from her nose, gets back up and into the game. Male youth pastor, stop that girl (before she gets blood on everyone) and tell her, “Wow, Jill you got hit hard, are you alright?  I’ve got to say, I admire females who are resilient! When you get knocked down, you get up again. That is admirable. Let’s get you cleaned up.”

What you are doing is educating girls on the qualities that men do appreciate. What do you see?  Is she standing up for herself or others? Tell her that you admire females who are willing to speak up or fight for justice. There are too many girls who stay quiet is that what you want to nurture? Let your female youth leader know that you appreciate her tears, her moral stance, her leadership or quick thinking, that these qualities are so admirable. Whatever internal characteristic you see, identify it and tell her. This will reteach girls about what qualities are important to men. They will rise to the occasion instead of dumbing down, or just focusing on their external features.

Speak of her inner qualities and females will begin to learn that guys value who they are inside and that confidence is beautiful.

Ladies, How You Can Build Her Up

Females have a tough time getting along with each other because they feel that other females are judging them. There is something you can do to break that myth and help teen girls be confident in how God made them.  

2. Complement Her On Her Physical Beauty.

We don’t hear it enough. Ladies, how many of you have seen a female walk through the mall and thought to yourself, ‘Wow, I love her hair‘ or ‘That’s a cool outfit.’  Did you tell her or did you just think it? 

How would it make you feel if a random female came up to you and complemented you on how you looked that day? You would experience a really random rush.  

So many females struggle with how they view themselves including that lady you see in the mall and the girl that came through the doors of your church or youth centre. Who knows what battle that kid faced with her hair or she may be feeling a little insecure about what she’s wearing. Female Youth Pastor, don’t hold back, tell her that she is a beauty! She came to youth wearing no make up...you noticed, comment on the beauty of her skin.  She hates her freckles but you love them. Tell her. This may seem superficial, but don’t be fooled, it’s powerful. How many of your teen girls have a hard time seeing their beauty, including yourself? By complementing their physical features, you are helping them to identify their beauty.  Many girls, when asked what is their favourite feature, reply saying their eyes. Why is that? I believe it’s the feature that they are complemented on the most.

No more silent complements, give a voice to those thoughts and help the females in your life see their beauty and embrace it while restoring the girl to girl relationship at the same time.

We are blessed to live in a Nation that is so international. My prayer is that we here in Canada would be able to influence nations by our example in the way we speak to women and how we intentionally build them up and empower them.

This International Women’s Day build the confidence of the women in your life by speaking to their inner strengths and helping her see her beauty.

Resources

If you want to be intentional about building your girls confidence, send your teen girls and their youth leaders and mothers to the Young Women of Power Conference April 25-26^th in Calgary Alberta. Visit our website for more information or email us. 

The Founder of the Young Woman of Power (YWOP) Conference, Alison develops programs that are designed to build girls confidence such as the YWOP PivotFWD workshop which she delivers in Calgary’s Youth Judicial System. Alison’s heart for young women is to see the statistics of violence against women decrease and to see females become counter culture/culturally dangerous by growing in true confidence. For more info or to book Alison as a speaker visit www.ywop.ca 

Humble Confidence vs. Insecure Pride

Leaders have two seemingly-paradoxical postures as they lead. The first is the paradox of insecure pride. The insecurity comes from a personal anxiety, a self-doubt that comes across as a deflated or detached leadership. It is feeling unsure about oneself and what you offer as a leader to others. Connected with this insecurity is pride, an inner desire to make oneself and one's agenda heard in order to compensate for the insecurity. Pride often comes out externally through our mouths, while insecurity hides itself in the internal reaches of our hearts.

Insecure pride can manifest itself in all kinds of ways:

• Loudly and brashly sharing one's opinions in conversations in order to feel significant or heard.
• Not inviting any input on decisions that affect multiple people; ignoring criticism or feedback, especially from peers.
• Offering unsolicited input and advice, especially to other leaders, then being personally hurt or offended if they don't go with your idea.
• Choosing not to speak up around other leaders due to an insecure fear of being wrong or uncertain.
• Choosing not to speak up around other leaders due to a prideful smugness that says, "no one else here could understand my awesome ideas."
• Storing up bitterness against those who don't think like you do; speaking of them sarcastically or negatively when they're not around.
• Often makes comparisons between themselves and other leaders.
• Knee-jerk reaction is self-preservation and defensiveness.
• Failure is not an option.

There is a healthier alternative paradox in leadership: the paradox of humble confidence. Humility comes from a realistic view of oneself in light of the grace given us in Christ. The word originates from the Latin "humus," meaning "earth, dirt." It is knowing and embracing the reality that we are dust. We're just dirt that God infused with spirit. Connected with this humility is a confidence in one's vocational calling and identity. A confident leader finds their identity in Christ, seeing themselves as a child of God, deeply loved and called to His mission.

Here's' the reality: we're loved dust. We're the kid covered in mud and filth, yet smiling because we have a good Father who cares for us, no matter what. This Christ-based identity allows His love to foster a confidence in Him, knowing we are created in His image and any gifts, strength, or opportunities we have are a demonstration of His grace in our lives. We are free to lead from our own sense of security in Christ, recognizing that the people around us, the one's we're leading, are also beloved children of God and bearers of His image.

Humble confidence looks like this:

• Quietly yet firmly sharing one's opinions when one discerns that they need to be shared for the benefit and encouragement of others and the accomplishment of the mission.
• Inviting honest feedback and evaluation; willing to be held accountable.
• Has a posture of listening and a desire to hear one's story; offering advice comes from a desire to encourage and strengthen others.
• Choosing not to speak up around other leaders due to discerning spirit that is leading towards silence and contemplation in that moment.
• Seeing the good in others, even ones who don't think like you, knowing they are created in the image of God; finding at least one thing to praise in another person.
• Doesn't have time for comparisons due to an intense focus on the mission they feel called to pursue.
• Knee-jerk reaction is self-sacrifice for the sake of others and the mission.
• Failure is an opportunity for growth.

Insecure pride comes from trying to form my identity and calling in myself and by myself. My success, my security, my hope--it's all on my own shoulders. It's a weighty burden to bear.

Humble confidence comes from forming my identity and calling outside of myself in Christ. Everything in life is recognized as grace, including my capacity and strengths and position as a leader. It's not about me or what I can do; it's about Him and what He's already done.

If I'm honest, I know I'm plagued by insecure pride in my life and leadership. The only way out is repentance, a looking outside of myself for transformation and fixing my focus on Christ and His mission instead of my personal agenda or success.

Which posture do you find yourself leading from today? Check your own heart.

(This post originally appeared at The Mayward Blog.)

Joel Mayward is a pastor, writer, husband, and father living in Langley, British Columbia. He’s been serving in youth ministry since 2003, and is currently the Pastor of Youth and Young Adult Ministries at North Langley Community Church. A writer for numerous youth ministry publications and author of Leading Up: Finding Influence in the Church Beyond Role and Experience, Joel writes about youth ministry, film, theology, and leadership at his blog, joelmayward.blogspot.ca.

Oscars 2014: 3 Things I Learned

The 2014 edition of The Oscars was last night. If you were like me and you had your winning picks for all the various categories,  the one thing that was evident was that there was something very different about this annual award show by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.

It was a visually stunning show and everyone looked stunning regardless of who will win and lose your best dressed, speeches, musical performances and this years host Ellen DeGeneres.

Here are 5 Things I Learned from watching the Oscars last night:

FUN
Three big fun moments were when host Ellen DeGeneres ordered pizza, took a selfie that broke Twitter and then appeared in a Wizard of Oz good witch outfit. The Oscars are stressful on so many levels for the nominees. It was great to see them relax, be spontaneous, enjoy the many moments of the night and the show.

Are you having fun in your youth ministry role?


HUMILITY
I love when you see and hear an acceptance speech that is genuine. My favourite speech were from Lupita Nyong’s and it set the tone for the night and it seemed that almost every winner was genuine, humble and truly thankful for the honour of receiving and Oscar.

Do you celebrate the God moments in the lives of students?


CELEBRATION
One night out of the year where many were celebrated focusing on the hard work, dedication and results that has allowed these movies, actors and the behind the scenes people to rise to top of their craft. I’m sure that being nominated for an Oscar and not winning would be heart breaking, yet they were strong enough to celebrate for their colleague who won the Oscar.

When and how do you celebrate the students and youth workers around you in your local church and youth ministry?


Jeff Smyth has been in youth ministry for 15 years and is now working with Youth Unlimited (Toronto YFC) in Scarborough. Jeff focuses on developing community initiatives with local organizations and local churches reaching out to numerous high priority neighbourhood youth and families.  Jeff is an alumnus from Liberty University/Theological Seminary and Arrow Leadership. Jeff has been married to Heather for 12 years and they have one of the most energetic boys in the world, Nathan. Jeff is also a life long fan of the Toronto Blue Jays & Montreal Canadiens.
You can connect with Jeff online: Jeff Smyth Blog, Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, Google+

Free 5 Week Social Justice Bible Study

Hey Friends!

I'm super stoked to share this particular resource with you - not only because is free and seriously one of the best social justice Bible study youth group resources I've ever read, but also because it was written by a recent grad - my AMAZING intern, Erin Farrar. It's a super professional and info packed resource for faith leaders, created by a youth.

Erin pulled together some incredible people and resources to create this five week social justice Bible study that focuses on all issues of Hunger; physical and spiritual. There's worship songs, activities, scripture readings and more. It's a great resource especially if you're planning to do the 30 Hour Famine, start it six weeks before your Famine date.

Download it here: 

About me: I live a pretty simple life... trying to love God and treat others as good as myself... I epically fail at this but mercifully God loves me anyway... different cultures inspire me... the outdoors is my passion... I'm pursuing my MDIV / Masters in Counselling at Tyndale... I spent 22+ years in the skate / snowboard / entertainment / marketing / retail industry at the executive level... led the charge at West 49/Billabong for 12 of them... I've worked in youth ministry leadership roles for more years then I can count.. after many moons in the corporate world I switched to the dark side and am currently the Manager of Youth & Student Campaigns at World Vision Canada... but more then anything I love giving my heart to mentoring and helping youth! #lovelife #dreambig #keepitreal #socialjustice #jesusjustice I/T @cindymielke  facebook.com/cindymielke

Great thoughts from Mark Buchanan interview

Yesterday (Feb 28th, 2014) I got the chance to interview Mark Buchanan. There were a couple of things he talked about that really challenged my thinking.

First, in regards to youth pastors, he talked about valuing the things that are important to your senior pastor. The most important thing in Saul's kingdom period was the fight against the Philistines. While Saul was king, David poured his life into that battle. Goliath was only one part, collecting twice as many foreskins as required was another. We see in David's personal life and in his kingdom period, that the surrounding peoples weren't an issue! David lived and worked amongst the Philistines. David engaged Hittites, Canaanites, etc in his armies! The battle with the Philistines was Saul's passion, not David's; yet David engaged whole heartedly in it while he was under the leadership of Saul. What is it that your supervisor values highly, that isn't an issue for you? Are you willing to pour your heart and energy into that? Mark says that this is what it takes to be an effective youth pastor & team member in your job.

Secondly, Mark talked about his perspective on the Sabbath. I really like his take. To over-simplify.... what is it that you get drained of through the work week? Do you get worn out in your heart? In your head space? In your attitudes? In your physical stamina? What is it for you? Is it your intimacy with God? It is those things that we can ought to pour energy into during our sabbath day. If my soul is worn out, then focus the sabbath on renewing your soul. If I am physically worn out, then focus your energy on physical recovery. I like the idea of: "if you work with your hands, then sabbath with your head and heart. If you work with your head, then sabbath with your hands".  Interesting way of thinking about it.

Anyway, here's a link to the full interview - if you haven't watched it, it might be worth the 30 minutes.
 
VIDEO: interview with mark Buchanan


Dave

Dave Brotherton was a youth pastor from 1984-2006 and now teaches youth ministry at Ambrose University College in Calgary. Dave is also the National Youth Guy for the Alliance churches in Canada, the director of Legacy Youth Conference, and a junior high volunteer in his church. Dave is married to Lisa and they share 2 of the greatest kids in the world. Fishing, camping, and cheering on the Leafs are some of his favorite things. 
twitter: @oldbrotherdave

Take Ctrl

Lord, give me humility so I may not judge my worth by the number of friends I have on Facebook or the number of times people like or comment on my posts. 

Help me see that it doesn't matter how many followers I have on Twitter, and that it's truly okay if the number of people I am following is greater than the number of people following me. Give me creativity so my tweets are actually interesting to read, and not just what I'm going to eat for lunch or stating that I'm going to bed.

Grant me wisdom so that I won't correlate my self-esteem to the number of views my videos have on YouTube. Help me realize that it's okay if I get a few dislikes.  And help me differentiate the constructive comments from the destructive ones.

And lastly, whatever You do, please stop me if I ever decide to create a personal website.  I mean...come on...who has their own personal website?

Whoops...too late.

Amen.


Clayton Imoo is husband to Gail and father to sons Sean Isaiah and Jacob Isaac and daughter Kayla Marie.  He has served as the Director of the Office of Youth and Young Adult Ministry of the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Vancouver for the past ten years, helping parishes develop their own youth and young adult ministries.  When not doing ministry, Clay enjoys spending time with his family, playing music, playing sports, playing naptime, and writing blogs on topics such as family, faith, and the Vancouver Canucks.  Learn more about him at http://www.claytonimoo.com or follow him @claytonimoo     

Celebration - the role of the extended family

I grew up in a small town and what was unique about my childhood is that the majority of my extended family lived within 20 minutes of one another for these early formative years. We'd gather together regularly for special holidays, feasts and crazy family experiences.

At this young age I never really understood the value or privilege it was to share in these experiences. To be honest, there were times I didn't want to be a part of these experiences. I felt like too many people knew me for who I really was, and I wasn't sure if that would ever be enough for them.

Kind of sounds like what some people have to share about connecting with a community of faith, no?

As a father of three young children, I'm being inspired to return to the practice of celebration. There is great value when we support, protect and honour these shared experiences.


1. Support/Love - Families are designed to support and love each other. Both of these habits aren't always easy to create or achieve. There are internal and external pressures that affect the context families exist in. A family doesn't always represent a biological connection. Families are clusters of people of different ages who consistently commit to living out life together....families are meant to be people who love one another no matter what.

I long for my own children and for teens/leaders/parents under my influence of leadership to know that they matter. Do I shape the elements of my parenting and pastoring around the postures of love and support, or do I allow productivity and measurables dictate rhythm, pace or design?

2. Protect - Families are designed to protect each other. It's true that those who are closest to you have the most influence to harm or to help you. As an extended family, gathered around a set of values & principles (like a community of faith), do we fight for things that truly matter, or do we reserve our physical efforts to creating chaos within our familial connections? When people connect with your extending family (community of faith and/or ministry) do they understand that they are being welcomed into protection, or do they live in fear of being seen for who they really are?

Only one person ever lived a perfect life...Jesus. And we still found a way to make fun of him, hurt him, betray him while ultimately killing him. For the rest of us who are less than perfect, maybe we should invest our energy into developing health and growth in one another instead of always focusing on why we might be sick. Would people flourish if they knew they were worth fighting for?

3. Honour - Families honour each other. In my world, to honour means to celebrate. I honour those who are older than me because their lives have helped to shape the current reality that I benefit from. I celebrate my own kids because we all need people who believe in us and will cheer us on. Honouring doesn't infer that we completely agree with everything that has transpired over time, but it demonstrates that we are willing to overcome our differences and recognize that diversity isn't meant to polarize us, it's meant to inspire us. As leaders, parents and people, is our posture one that speaks to defiance, or one that speaks to celebration?


What other roles do you see an expression of the extended family playing in the lives of people?




About: Jason has lived in Calgary, Alberta Canada since 1995, and been a youth pastor since 2001. He is married to the love of his life, Bonny, and together they have three incredible children: Saydie, Cannon and Deklon. Jason possesses a desire to see youth, parents and families become who God created them to be through loving and living like Jesus. He currently serves on staff at Centre Street Church in Calgary. He loves hockey, playing guitar, writing and creating environments and opportunities where others can realize their potential in Jesus while experiencing the full life He promised to those who follow Him!