Humble Confidence vs. Insecure Pride

Leaders have two seemingly-paradoxical postures as they lead. The first is the paradox of insecure pride. The insecurity comes from a personal anxiety, a self-doubt that comes across as a deflated or detached leadership. It is feeling unsure about oneself and what you offer as a leader to others. Connected with this insecurity is pride, an inner desire to make oneself and one's agenda heard in order to compensate for the insecurity. Pride often comes out externally through our mouths, while insecurity hides itself in the internal reaches of our hearts.

Insecure pride can manifest itself in all kinds of ways:

• Loudly and brashly sharing one's opinions in conversations in order to feel significant or heard.
• Not inviting any input on decisions that affect multiple people; ignoring criticism or feedback, especially from peers.
• Offering unsolicited input and advice, especially to other leaders, then being personally hurt or offended if they don't go with your idea.
• Choosing not to speak up around other leaders due to an insecure fear of being wrong or uncertain.
• Choosing not to speak up around other leaders due to a prideful smugness that says, "no one else here could understand my awesome ideas."
• Storing up bitterness against those who don't think like you do; speaking of them sarcastically or negatively when they're not around.
• Often makes comparisons between themselves and other leaders.
• Knee-jerk reaction is self-preservation and defensiveness.
• Failure is not an option.

There is a healthier alternative paradox in leadership: the paradox of humble confidence. Humility comes from a realistic view of oneself in light of the grace given us in Christ. The word originates from the Latin "humus," meaning "earth, dirt." It is knowing and embracing the reality that we are dust. We're just dirt that God infused with spirit. Connected with this humility is a confidence in one's vocational calling and identity. A confident leader finds their identity in Christ, seeing themselves as a child of God, deeply loved and called to His mission.

Here's' the reality: we're loved dust. We're the kid covered in mud and filth, yet smiling because we have a good Father who cares for us, no matter what. This Christ-based identity allows His love to foster a confidence in Him, knowing we are created in His image and any gifts, strength, or opportunities we have are a demonstration of His grace in our lives. We are free to lead from our own sense of security in Christ, recognizing that the people around us, the one's we're leading, are also beloved children of God and bearers of His image.

Humble confidence looks like this:

• Quietly yet firmly sharing one's opinions when one discerns that they need to be shared for the benefit and encouragement of others and the accomplishment of the mission.
• Inviting honest feedback and evaluation; willing to be held accountable.
• Has a posture of listening and a desire to hear one's story; offering advice comes from a desire to encourage and strengthen others.
• Choosing not to speak up around other leaders due to discerning spirit that is leading towards silence and contemplation in that moment.
• Seeing the good in others, even ones who don't think like you, knowing they are created in the image of God; finding at least one thing to praise in another person.
• Doesn't have time for comparisons due to an intense focus on the mission they feel called to pursue.
• Knee-jerk reaction is self-sacrifice for the sake of others and the mission.
• Failure is an opportunity for growth.

Insecure pride comes from trying to form my identity and calling in myself and by myself. My success, my security, my hope--it's all on my own shoulders. It's a weighty burden to bear.

Humble confidence comes from forming my identity and calling outside of myself in Christ. Everything in life is recognized as grace, including my capacity and strengths and position as a leader. It's not about me or what I can do; it's about Him and what He's already done.

If I'm honest, I know I'm plagued by insecure pride in my life and leadership. The only way out is repentance, a looking outside of myself for transformation and fixing my focus on Christ and His mission instead of my personal agenda or success.

Which posture do you find yourself leading from today? Check your own heart.

(This post originally appeared at The Mayward Blog.)

Joel Mayward is a pastor, writer, husband, and father living in Langley, British Columbia. He’s been serving in youth ministry since 2003, and is currently the Pastor of Youth and Young Adult Ministries at North Langley Community Church. A writer for numerous youth ministry publications and author of Leading Up: Finding Influence in the Church Beyond Role and Experience, Joel writes about youth ministry, film, theology, and leadership at his blog, joelmayward.blogspot.ca.